You Got LuluRolled!
by Roxius
Summary: A bunch of nonsensical CG drabbles. Please enjoy and review! Please R & R! Rated due to certain language, events, themes and disturbing imagery that isn't really there. Alot of it doesn't make sense, so beware what it'll do to your mind.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

Expect some more crack fics on the way, possibly! POSSIBLY!!!

I can make fun of this damn show forever...although I don't want to do it forever...

* * *

_Geass For All:_

Lelouch had a thought. 'What if everyone had a Geass of their own?'

Turning to C.C., he ordered, "C.C., MY PERPETUALLY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE FLOWER, GO AND TOUCH EVERYONE WHO'S MEANINGFUL AND GIVE THEM GEASS...including Rivalz this time, okay?!"

C.C. nodded. "YES, SIR!!!"

Suddenly, Kallen walked by. Running over to her, C.C. reached down and placed her hand on Kallen's crotch. "Ooh...it's warm..."

An awkward silence filled the air.

"Yeah...do it like that..." Lelouch said with a straight face.

Suddenly, the Geass symbol formed in Kallen's right eye, and she fired a laser beam that set C.C. ablaze.

* * *

_The Difference Between A Noogie And An Ass Punch:_

"PEOPLE OF BRITANNIA, PLEASE REMEMBER, IN THIS TIME OF CRISIS, ONE VERY IMPORTANT FACT: A NOOGIE IS A NOOGIE NO MATTER WHERE IT IS APPLIED ON THE BODY!!!" Charles zi Britannia exclaimed to the crowd, who in response burst out into applause.

V.V., who was standing beside his brother, coughed into his fist and muttered, "You know, a noogie to the butt is more of an ASS PUNCH than anything else..."

Charles glared at him. "Shut...the fuck...up..."

"Hey, I'm just tryin' to help make your speeches actually be SENSIBLE, but you always put me down!! You're cruel, bro!!" V.V. exclaimed, and he ran off in tears.

The crowd was silent.

"Anyway..."

* * *

_Cornelia's Hygiene:_

Lelouch and Suzaku only meant to sneak into the showers while Cornelia was taking a bath so they could take snapshots of her in all her naked glory. However, what they DID find both horrified and disturbed them.

"HOLY CRAP!!!" Lelouch whispered rather loudly as they watched from behind the corner, "SHE'S...SHE'S SHAVING HER ARMPITS!!! UHH...THAT'S ALOT OF PURPLE HAIR!!"

A smirk formed on Suzaku's lips. "Oh man, what I wouldn't give to shove my face in there, and take a nice big whiff...ahh..."

"...Fuck you, Suzaku,"

* * *

_ELITE GEASS AGENTS (EGA):_

Rivalz just couldn't do it. He couldn't beat his video game. He needed motivation, he needed willpower, he needed...

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEAALP!!!!"

Suddenly, three figures crashed down through the ceiling, and landed in front of him...it was Lelouch, Suzaku and Rolo, and they were all dressed in black suits and sunglasses.

"WE ARE...THE ELITE GEASS AGENTS!!!" Lelouch proclaimed.

Rivalz was silent for a moment. "...Where are the cheerleaders?"

"You mean Kallen, C.C. and Euphemia? You have to unlock them first, dipwad!!"

"And what about the chief? You know, your boss and the guy who dances with the cheerleaders in the hardest difficulty...?"

"Oh, that's Charles zi Britannia..."

Rivalz was silent again. "...Just start dancing..."

"ALRIGHT! READY? 3, 2, 1! GOOOO!!!"

* * *

_Nunnally, Master of The Skies:_

The large army of Knightmare Frame Gurrens were about to descend upon the kingdom of Britannia, when one of the soldiers caught sight of something on his radar.

"...What the hell?"

Suddenly, something crashed right through the bottom half of his mecha, and it exploded to pieces.

Several other Knightmare Frames nearby caught this, and immediately grew nervous.

"WE'RE...WE'RE UNDER ATTACK ALREADY?! BUT BY WHAT?!"

Within moments, the same mysterious object tore through several more Knightmare Frames with ease, blowing them all without any trouble.

Looking closely, the object was revealed to actually be Nunnally Lamperouge, who had recently had her wheelchair upgraded with a jet-boosters.

Laughing insanely, she exclaimed, "THE SKIES BELONG TO NUNNALLY!!!"

'OH GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE...!!!!!'

* * *

_One Geass:_

"I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE BRITANNIANS!!!"

Wearing a pink top hat with antlers, Rolo grimaced. 'Why the hell do I have to be Chopper...?'

"Hey, we're all freaks here...don't worry..." Suzaku spoke up, polishing his three swords out of boredom.

Kallen - Nami, C.C. - Robin, Jeremiah - Franky, Rivalz - Usopp, Gino - Sanji, etc.

* * *

_YOU GOT LULU'ROLLED:_

Charles zi Britannia was reading a porn magazine when his son, Lelouch, suddenly walked into the throne room.

Tossing the book over his shoulder, Charles snapped, "Lelouch, what the hell are you doing here? I thought I banned you...or something like that..."

Lelouch just smirked. Reaching into his pocket, he began to pull out something. Charles thought it was a gun for a moment, but it turned out...to be a microphone.

Suddenly, music began to play in the background, and about 500 people, including C.C., Kallen, Suzaku and some others, marched into the room, all of them under the control of Lelouch's Geass. They began dancing to the music in unison as Lelouch swayed from side to side.

Holding the microphone near his lips, Lelouch began to sing:

"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN! NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND, AND DESERT YOU! NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY, NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE! NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE, AND HURT YOU!!! WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER...FOR SO LONG-"

"I'VE BEEN LULUROLLED!!!" Charles gasped.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

Expect some more crack fics on the way, possibly! POSSIBLY!!!

I can make fun of this damn show forever...although I don't want to do it forever...

* * *

_GeassBound:_

With a simple baseball bat as his weapon, and the ability to use a special psychic power known as 'Geass', a young man from Britiannia must team up with three allies: C.C., Suzaku and Rolo, and he must bring a stop to the evil being Schneizygas, and its army of otherworldly monsters.

Also, it's only on the SNES.

"So...this is a EarthBound parody?"

"I'm afraid so..."

"DAMMMMMMMMMMMN..."

* * *

_The Things My Mother Did:_

Lelouch couldn't believe what he had found; a personal diary of C.C.'s back during the time she was living with Marianne, Lelouch's mother.

'This is gonna be good...' Lelouch snickered as he opened the book.

Five minutes later...

Lelouch burst into C.C.'s room, tossed the diary in her face, and snapped, "YOU?! MY MOTHER?! FLIRTING BEHIND MY DAD'S BACK?!! SERIOUSLY?!"

C.C. shrugged. "What can I say? She was hot..."

"GUH!! I CANNOT UNREAD WHAT I HAVE JUST READ!! OH GOD, MY EYES!!!"

C.C. continued eating her pizza without a problem.

* * *

_Geass'mon:_

Waving his hand in a dramatic fashion, Suzaku exclaimed, "GO, EUPHIECHU!!! USE YOUR 'MASSACRE-PRINCESS-SHOCK' ATTACK!!!"

"EUUUUUUPHIE!!!"

With a single blast, Lelouch and Kallen, along with their talking cat C.C., were sent flying off into the sky.

"IT LOOKS LIKE THE BLACK KNIGHTS ARE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!"

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Suzaku returned Euphiechu to her pokeball. 'When will those motherfuckers ever learn...?'

* * *

_The Question that Haunts Them All:_

Lelouch couldn't even sleep at night anymore because of this odd problem he had noticed only recently. It wasn't that big of a deal, really, but still...it made no sense.

"If we're actually British...how come we can only speak Japanese?" Lelouch asked Suzaku once while they were eating lunch.

Suzaku thought about it. "Uh...because anime does not suffer from the language barrier? Either that, or it's supposed to be a running gag..."

No one else had any other idea, and thus Lelouch went through another night without rest.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

I think the reason I don't watch the anime is because, I can't really stand anime. I think it takes too long and gets boring at times, so I'm more of a manga/novel person. That's why I bought the first two volumes of the manga and the first volume of the novel series to give me some more info.

* * *

_Jackson & Bubbles:_

After having watched the music video for Michael Jackson's "Thriller" for the fourth time, V.V. realized something.

"I'M MICHAEL JACKSON...AND YOU CAN BE BUBBLES, THE MONKEY!!!" V.V. exclaimed to Charles zi Britannia, who was sipping a cup of afternoon tea.

Charles spat his steaming hot tea in the face of one of the maids, who ran off screaming in pain, and he bellowed, "WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!! I'm obviously Michael Jackson...because I'm not a fuckin' gay midget!!"

"HEY!! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK ABOUT ME LIKE THAT!! I'LL PROVE TO YOU THAT I'M A BIGGER CHILD MOLESTER THAN YOU ARE!!! THE WINNER SHALL OFFICIALLY BE THE 'MICHAEL JACKSON' OF OUR TWO-MAN COMEDY GROUP!!" V.V. snapped.

"OH YEAH?!" Charles exclaimed, "IT'S ON, MIDGET-BOY!!"

Five minutes later...

Charles now had five children ranging from 3 to 10 years old standing beside him, all of them wearing only underwear and attached to one another at the necks by a set of chains.

However...V.V. was holding up a baby.

Charles gasped. "OH MY GOD!! YOU...YOU WOULDN'T!!! MOLESTING A BABY IS AS FUCKED UP AS YOU CAN GET!!"

V.V. grinned, and he began to move his hand towards the baby.

"DON'T DO IT!! DON'T DO IT!! DON'T DO IT!!"

His hand drew closer, and closer...

"CEASE AND DESIST, COLONEL SANDERS!!!"

V.V. cackled insanely, and tickled the baby's tummy, causing it to laugh.

Falling to his knees, Charles threw his head back and cried, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...wait, why did we do this again?"

V.V. shrugged. "I think we're trying to prove who has more pedophilic tendencies!"

Then, they were surrounded by the police...

---

"SONNY...CAN YOU PLEASE PAY MY BAIL?!!"

"DAMMIT, DAD, NOT AGAIN!!!"

* * *

_Lelouch Is A Cosplaying Fuck:_

Lelouch was looking himself over in the mirror; he was dressed as Ike of Fire Emblem fame, and he swung his large plastic sword around in a festive manner.

"I FIGHT FOR MY FRIENDS!!!"

Suddenly, Rolo walked by, and because the door was open, he snickered and grunted, "...You have no friends..."

Lelouch was silent for a moment. "HA!! I HAVE **IMAGINARY** FRIENDS!!!"

Rolo rolled his eyes and muttered, "Dumb fuck..."

"YOU'LL GET NO SYMPATHY FROM ME!!!"

* * *

_OH, SUZAKU, YOU SO FUNNY:_

"Here's a soda, Kallen," Suzaku said, holding out a Coca-Cola to the red-haired girl.

Kallen glared at him. "...Why are you offering me this?"

Suzaku shrugged and replied, "Why not? We're good buddies, aren't we?"

"Not really..."

"JUST DRINK IT, YOU WHORE!!!"

"Fine, fine..." Kallen grabbed the soda and took a sip.

Suddenly, Suzaku burst out, "HA HA HA!!! I PUT STEROIDS IN YOUR DRINK!!! HA HA HA HA-"

Kallen glanced down, and realized she suddenly had six-pack abs. "FFFFFFFFFU-"

The next day, Suzaku was found beaten to death in a body bag tied to a overhanging branch on an apple tree out in the middle of a forest in California.

* * *

_Movie Night:_

It was Friday night, and Li Xingke and Schneizel decided to get together for no apparent reason and watch some movies.

"So...what're we watchin' tonight?" Schneizel asked as he plopped down on the couch, "Another movie by that bastard M. Night Shyamalan?"

"Not this time," Li Xingke walked into the room carrying several tapes, "It seems that Tianzi and her friend Princess Kaguya had gone and made some videos of themselves for us...interesting..."

"Uh...just how skilled can two prepubescent girls be at making grade-A films, anyway?" Schneizel muttered, a bit disappointed that he wouldn't get to watch 'The Happening'.

"Well, let's see...we got 'Lesbian Lolis Lick Lube', 'XXX Loli Fuck', 'Loli Girls Make Love While Big Bro Watches' and 'The Curse of the Generation: Loliphobia'. Which one should we watch first...?"

"...'XXX Loli Fuck'," Schneizel replied without even a second to think it over.

Suddenly, Lelouch came crashing through the window, riding Nunnally's jet-booster-equipped wheelchair. Oddly enough, Nunnally herself was nowhere to be seen.

"I WANT THOSE VIDEOS!!!" he screamed as drool flowed out of his mouth like a waterfall.

* * *

_The Murder:_

Lelouch just stood by the window in silence as he allowed the police to examine the room. It was here that C.C. had been found dead, her stomach swollen beyond capacity with pizza oil. How such a horrible thing could have happened, and how it could have killed the immortal girl, was a mystery.

However, one policeman did find a turkey baster filled with a few left-over droplets of pizza oil, and Lelouch's name was written on it in permanent black marker.

"Uh...is this yours?" he asked Lelouch.

A single sweat drop rolled down the side of Lelouch's head...and then he jumped out the window without a word.

* * *

_The Nightmare of Jeremiah:_

ORANGES...ORANGES...ORANGES...ORANGES...ORANGES...ORANGES...ORANGES...ORANGES...

EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, ALL YOU SEE IS ORANGES...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"WAAAH!!!" Jeremiah sat up in bed, and breathed heavily. 'Fuck, that was one hell of an awkward wet dream...'


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

I think the reason I don't watch the anime is because, I can't really stand anime. I think it takes too long and gets boring at times, so I'm more of a manga/novel person. That's why I bought the first two volumes of the manga and the first volume of the novel series to give me some more info.

* * *

_The Offer He Couldn't Refuse:_

Taking Lelouch's helmet in his hands, Suzaku said, "So, let me get this straight...you want me to dress up as you, stab you through the chest, let you die, and then live the rest of my life as the servant of a government that YOU created?!"

Lelouch nodded. "Yup...it took me all night to think of it!"

Suzaku gave Lelouch a nasty glare, and then tossed the helmet in Lelouch's face. "Fuck that, man..." Suzaku stomped off down the hall and left Lelouch feeling a bit shocked.

Sighing, Lelouch turned to Jeremiah, who also happened to be standing around. "I guess it's up to you then, Orange-kun..."

Jeremiah gasped. "W-W-WHAT?! BUT...BUT...WHO WILL RUN THE ORANGE FARM IF I'M ZERO?!"

In his mind, he envisioned the exact scene from the final episode that showed the orange farm. It was completely normal until it reached the part where Jeremiah raised his head to wipe away his sweat, but instead of Jeremiah's head...it was Dr. Eggman.

"WGAWGAWGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" Out of disgust and weak bowels, Jeremiah puked into the helmet, and then handed it back and left without a word.

With no other candidates left, Lelouch knew now that he had only one chance to convince Suzaku to take up the job. "Suzaku...I'll give you permission to go to bed with Nunnally if you do this for me!"

Suddenly, Suzaku walked back into the room. "...That's what I was waiting for you to say."

Suzaku grabbed the helmet, and put it on...and Lelouch said nothing.

* * *

_Christmas Presents:_

"FELIZ NAVIDAD, KALLEN!!" Lelouch exclaimed happily as he handed the red-haired girl her gift.

Blushing as she took it, Kallen said, "Ahh...t-thank you, Lelouch-kun..."

"OPEN IT, OPEN IT, OPEN IT!!!"

Kallen quickly opened it, and pulled out...a strap-on.

She stared at it for a while, then glanced up at Lelouch, who winked and gave her a thumbs-up.

"Have fun with that...C.C.'s waiting for you in your room, ya know..."

The next day, Lelouch told the police he had been raped violently and endlessly.

* * *

_Clovis Is Such a Pimp:_

Clovis la Britannia gasped when Lelouch unsheathed a pistol and held it near his face.

"L...Lelouch...you wouldn't...you wouldn't actually...PUT IT AWAY, DAMMIT!!!"

"Not yet, Clovis," Lelouch snarled, "First, I demand you to tell me something..."

Clovis winced. "Yes? W-W-What is it?"

"Tell me..."

"Yes...?"

"...How much does it cost to get you to go to bed with me?"

After a minute of silence, CLovis grabbed the pistol from Lelouch and shot himself in the face.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_Practice Makes Perfect:_

"Alright, Lelouch, it's time you learn the ways of...SHOUNEN MANGA MORAL-TEACHING!!" Suzaku exclaimed, dressed like a Swedish nerd and standing in front of a large chalkboard.

Lelouch glanced up from his porn and muttered with a bored look on his face, "...What?"

"Look, two ways it works," Suzaku explained, "For men, you have to hit them when they don't listen, and shout a few words of unparalleled wisdom you would never have at any other point. For women, you have to stick with speaking, or have another woman take to her and eventually slap her and do the same thing...it's pretty simple, really..."

Lelouch was silent for a moment as he let it all sink in. "Are we going to try to make a joke out of EVERYTHING?"

"It seems to be that way..."

"Fine, then let's get his over with!" Lelouch grunted, and he walked out to 'get this over with', when he bumped into Nina.

"Oh, uh, hi, Nina...how are you?" Lelouch said, his mind playing the same scene of her mental breakdown face over and over again.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Nina replied, "I...I'm fine...I just...I just can't stop thinking about how Euphemia died...I loved her so much..."

'THIS IS IT!!' Without hesitation, Lelouch smashed his fist as hard as he could into Nina's face, but apparently it was too hard, because he heard something crack inside her skull when he did it.

"GET OVER HER DEATH, YOU DUMBASS!!!" Lelouch screamed in fury, and he continued to beat on her.

"NO, LELOUCH, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!" Suzaku exclaimed, although he did nothing to stop the assault. 'Reminds me of that time he bought me Little Mermaid on box-set DVD last Christmas...how? I don't even know anymore...'


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_Present-Day Latex:_

"Who here has my staples?" Lelouch proclaimed, holding up an empty stapler.

C.C. glanced at Kallen, who glanced at Suzaku, who glanced at Jeremiah, who glanced at Anya, who stood up and said, "I do..."

"DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!!!" Lelouch jumped on Anya and began bashing her in the face with his stapler.

No one bothered tried to stop him.

* * *

_The Fart:_

C.C. and Kallen were lying in bed together, naked, when Kallen suddenly brought up something.

"...You know that fart that hangs on the edge of your ass and just wants to surface away? Yeah, I got that..."

C.C. glared at Kallen for a moment. "...Be glad I think you're sexy..."

* * *

_CaramellDansen:_

With the power of Geass on his side, Lelouch was able to control people's minds and hearts at will.

'With this amazing power, I will finally be able to fulfill my life-long dream...'

After gathering all of the students and the faculty of Ashford Academy out in the front of the school (by pretending he was going to be a suicide bomber), he quickly activated his Geass and ordered, "DO THE CARAMELLDANSEN DANCE...NOW!!!!"

Within a moment, everyone was doing a hip swing dance with their hands over their heads imitating rabbit ears.

"WA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! IT...IS...ACCOMPLISHED!!!" Lelouch cackled.

* * *

_King:_

"So...I've decided we should start a band," Lelouch told C.C., Kallen, Suzaku and Rolo one day.

"Ah! Awesomesauce!! I always wanted to be in a band!" Suzaku exclaimed in excitement, "Now the entire focus of the series will be changed in one fell swoop!"

"Indeed! We shall call our band 'King'...I wanted it to be 'Queen', but some bastards already had that name, and our first song shall be 'Britannian Rhaspody'...how about THAT?!" Lelouch proclaimed.

"Sounds cool, bro!" Rolo spoke up.

"My stage name shall be...Freddy Pluto!!"

C.C. sighed. '...Does he have to come up with some weird profession that parodies something well-known every two hours...?'

Kallen sighed as well. 'How did I ever fall in love with him...?'


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_The Past Wedding of Two Innocent Souls:_

Since Lelouch had already planned his own death, he decided it would be much more dramatic if he had a queen by his side at that time, so he decided...

"SUZAKU, YOU SHALL BE MY WIFE!!!"

Suzaku smashed a brick in Lelouch's face and exclaimed, "NOT AGAIN, LELOUCH!! WE ONLY DID IT THAT ONE TIME!!! ONE TIME!!! REMEMBER?!!

"...No, I don't get it...what're you talking about?" Lelouch replied, rubbing his nose.

"What do you mean you don't remember? When we were kids, and Nunnally wanted to play dress-up, even though she's blind and crippled, and we joined in just to make her feel better, and you got a little TOO into it, and..."

Lelouch's face lit up. "Oh yeah, now I remember! You tasted like strawberries, if I recall..."

"SHUT UP!!!"

* * *

_CodeGeass Z:_

"LULUMAEHA!!!" Lelouch roared as he fired a huge blast of ki from his palms. Charles zi Britannia quickly warped to the side to dodge the attack, and then he pressed the button on his scanner to read Lelouch's power level.

When it came to a final number, Charles gasped. "IT'S...OVER 9,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WHAT?!! OVER 9,000?!!" V.V. cried.

Lelouch hunched down and charged himself up, and Charles watched in horror as his power level grew even further.

"I AM...SUPER LELOUCH!!!" His hair spiked upwards and turned a bright gold, and the entire world shook from the immense strength of his power.

"THIS FUCKIN' PISSES ME OFF, YOU DICKWAD MOTHERFUCKER!!!" V.V. tried to strike back, but Super Lelouch just punched her right through the head.

"I WILL SAVE THIS PLANET!!!" Super Lelouch proclaimed. On the sidelines, a green-skinned Suzaku and an even shorter version of Rolo were cheering him on.

"GO, KICK HIS FUCKIN' A, DADDY!!" Rolo cheered.

"...Just in case none of you idiots know, I'm a parody of that character named after a musical instrument!!" Suzaku proclaimed.

"THIS TOTALLY SUCKS, YO!!" Charles cried, and then Super Lelouch killed him too.

Turning to his useless allies, Super Lelouch reverted back to his original black-haired form and proclaimed, "Alright, now that we've beat them...let's head to the alien planet of Britannia to collect the seven Geassballs and revive our fallen comrades!!!"

* * *

_The Wedding Ring A.K.A. THE SEQUEL TO 'CAUGHT IN THE ACT':_

C.C., Kallen, Milly and Shirley were all waiting in Lelouch's room with excitement and anticipation. The devilishly handsome anti-hero man had requested all of them to meet in his room so he could declare a very important announcement...involving a wedding.

"OMG, THIS IS SO EXCITING!! LELOUCH IS GOING TO PROPOSE TO ME!!!" Shirley squealed with glee.

C.C. snorted. "Yeah right, you dumb bitch!! Obviously, he likes me best, and we're gonna fuck all night long!"

"Oh, yeah? He might want to marry ME, though!" Milly spoke up.

"...We'll still fuck all night long, though..."

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL, YOU WHORE!!!"

"Heh heh, you're all delusional!" Kallen exclaimed, "IT IS I WHO SHALL GET INTO LELOUCH'S PANTS!!!"

C.C. was about to pummel the bitch when the door swung open. Lelouch was dressed in a tuxedo, and in his arms was Cheese-kun, which was wearing a wedding veil over its face.

"...I WOULD LIKE ALL OF YOU TO MEET CHEESE-KUN LAMPEROUGE...MY WIFE!!!" Lelouch announced, holding up Cheese-kun for all to see.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"...But it belongs to me..." C.C. started to say.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Lelouch snapped, "I BOUGHT IT FOR YOU, SO I CAN TAKE IT BACK IF I WANTED!!"

"...Can we still fuck all night long, though?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...NOW GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PITIFUL SWINES!!! ME AND THE WIFE HERE ARE GONNA PLAY BANJO-KAZOOIE, AND WE DON'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED!!"

C.C. and the others rushed out of the room, heartbroken and on the verge of never-ending depression. Lelouch and his new wife, however, have never felt more happy in their whole lives.

* * *

_Code Geass, as Dubbed by 4kids:_

Activating his Geass for the first time, Lelouch exclaimed in a scratchy, unfitting voice, "I command you all...TO KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT!!"

Suddenly, a smirk formed on the soldier's lips. "As you say..."

Raising his glowing green watergun to his head, the screen quickly cuts off to darkness, and then switches back to show the group of soldiers lying on the ground, not a single drop of blood on them. The sound of something splashing against Lelouch's cheek was heard, but it had been completely cut out.

'I did it...I...I knocked them out...' Lelouch thought, breathing heavily for some reason.

Lelouch chuckled under his breath. "With this power...I can DEFEAT Britannia!!! I shall help my little sister, who was blind and crippled since birth, and not because she was shot or anything ridiculous like that! THE ONLY COOL WAY TO GO IS MY WAY, DUDE!!!"


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

I think the reason I don't watch the anime is because, I can't really stand anime. I think it takes too long and gets boring at times, so I'm more of a manga/novel person. That's why I bought the first two volumes of the manga and the first volume of the novel series to give me some more info.

And, yes, this is OVER-THE-TOP OOC.

* * *

_Why The Internet Is Banned:_

Suzaku walked into Lelouch's room to get back his Yu-Gi-Oh cards when he noticed his friend was searching for something on the Internet.

"...Whatcha lookin' for? More C.C. X Kallen porn? I already told you that no one draws that pairing..." Suzaku said, looking over Lelouch's shoulder.

"Actually, my dear buddy Suzaku," Lelouch replied, "I'm seeing if there's any artwork by the fans featuring ME!!! And what do you know? Over 1000 pictures...and counting!!"

"...You made that number up..."

"...So?"

Suzaku sighed. "How about pictures of me?"

"Okay...let's see..." Lelouch typed in Suzaku's name, and then clicked 'SEARCH'.

"...You look like a faggot..." Lelouch muttered.

"...At least, people think you look good in a playboy bunny outfit..." Suzaku snickered.

"SHUT UP!!! Look, how about we see if anyone's drawn any pictures of the both of us?!"

"...Together?"

"Yeah, as the good TOTALLY-STRAIGHT pals we are, going fishing, eating graham crackers, kicking each other's ass-"

"Just type it in already!" Suzaku snapped.

"Alright, alright..." Lelouch typed in 'Lelouch and Suzaku', and then clicked 'SEARCH'.

"Let's see...the pictures will be up in a moment...ah! Here we...go..." Lelouch's eyes widened to the size of dish plates as he stared at the screen.

Suzaku leaned closer and squinted his eyes. "Is that...is that my-?"

"And...it's going into my-?"

Lelouch and Suzaku glanced at each other. "...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

* * *

_The Choices:_

"Numa Numa Guy...Tourettes Guy...Star Wars Kid...Chocolate Rain Guy...the Desu Girl...Leekspin Girl...dammit, I don't know who to go as for this year's cosplay-con!!!" Lelouch cried in distress.

Suzaku glanced up from his Nintendo DS. "...Go as yourself..."

Lelouch gasped. "THAT'S IT!!! YOU'RE A GENIUS, SUZU-CHAN!!"

"Hey, I don't want a fuckin' gay nickname like yours...LULU."

The next day, at the cosplay-con, Lelouch came dressed as a large douchebag, which ended up getting him thrown out for being 'inapprorpiate'.

* * *

_You Give Lesbians A Bad Name:_

Nina Einstein was busy humping a desk (that poor, poor desk will be in therapy for a week), when Lelouch and the others suddenly jumped out of the ground.

"OMG, WTF HAX?!1!!" Nina gasped, quickly jumping away from the desk.

"NINA, YOU SICK FREAK, YOU GIVE LESBIANS A BAD NAME!!!" Lelouch proclaimed.

"Yeah, now people will make fun of me, too!!" Milly cried.

"...What did I do?" asked Nina.

"BECAUSE OF YOU, NOW EVERYONE THINKS THAT OBVIOUSLY EVERY LESBIAN IN THE GODDAMN WORLD IS SOME UGLY BESPECTACLED DUMBASS STALKER WITH A MENTAL DISABILITY!!! HATS OFF TO YOU FOR FUCKING UP THE WORLD EVEN FURTHER...BITCH!!!" Lelouch snapped, spitting on Nina's face in hatred.

"Well...what...what do I do?" Nina asked.

Lelouch pulled out a pistol and pressed its barrel against Nina's forehead. "...YOU CAN JUST DIE."

* * *

_Suzaku's Got The Shining Finger (I made a video for this one that I put on Youtube):_

Lelouch and Suzaku were facing off against one another in their Knightmare Frames. Only one attack was required now for either of them to be completely finished off, so Suzaku decided to pull out his ultimate weapon.

Suzaku gritted his teeth and roared, "THIS GUY HAS THE ABILITIES OF THE DARK KNIGHTMARE FRAME, WITH THE HELP OF...KAAAALLLEEENNN!!!"

Raising his hands, Suzaku exclaimed, "THIS HAND OF MINE GLOWS WITH AN AWESOME POWER!!! IT'S BURNING GRIP TELLS ME TO DEFEAT YOU!!!"

Lelouch gasped. He hadn't expected this!

"TAKE THIS: MY LOVE, MY ANGER, AND ALL OF MY SORROW!!!! SHINING...FIIIIIINNNGGGEEERRR!!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Lelouch screamed in horror as he was blown to pieces by the 'awesome power'.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. Besides the fact I'd probably make a hell of a lot of money off of it, I'd rather not own it at all.

--

_Baby Football:_

"HEY, SUZU-CHAN, CATCH!!!" Lelouch exclaimed, and he tossed his illegitimate child, Shirlee, through the air, straight for Suzaku's head.

"I GOT IT!! I GOT IT!!" Suzaku tossed his bookbags off to the side, and leaped up, easily catching the giggling youngster in his arms.

"HELL YEAH!!!" Lelouch screamed.

"DING-DONG-FUCKIN'-DITCH!!!" Suzaku proclaimed, pumping his fists.

Kallen walked up to the two of them and asked, "...What the hell are you two doing?"

Lelouch and Suzaku glanced at each other, and then at the baby, who didn't even seem to have minded being thrown around.

Then, they ran off without a word.

--

_A Troublesome Thing:_

"...Charles, we need to talk," V.V. said one day during a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon and fried catfish.

"...This better not be about that photo shoot," Charles grumbled, "I already told you I didn't know it was for a porn mag until AFTER they made me take off my clothes!! I swear!!!"

"It's not about the goddamn porn mag!!!"

"Oh...then what IS this about?"

V.V. glanced at the group of lolis and shotas in maid outfits standing next to Charles and sighed. "...Actually, just forget about it..."

--

_Playing Too Much Street Fighter Is Bad For Your Sanity:_

Lelouch was fully prepared to allow the sword to pierce through his chest. He had fought long and hard for these people, this country, the entire world...and now he was also ready to die for it.

However, the sword's tip was just about to cut into his flesh...

...when Nunnally flew in out of nowhere and smashed her foot into the back of Suzaku's neck. "GO TO HELL, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"

Lelouch certainly hadn't expected this.

--

_Suzaku Kururugi, Ace Attorney:_

"OBJECTION!!!" Suzaku exclaimed, aiming his pointer finger right at Lelouch Lamperouge, his childhood friend turned cold-hearted prosecutor, "I HAVE JUST THE EVIDENCE I NEED TO PROVE THE DEFENDENT INNOCENT!!!"

"Well, Mr. Kururugi, don't keep us waiting," ordered the judge, an old man with a large forehead and hair curled up New England-style, "Present the evidence!!"

"Alright...just need to get it out of my court record..."

"You can do it, Suzu!!" cheered Spirit Medium Kallen, who had been aiding Suzaku in his cases ever since he helped prove her innocent of the murder of Viletta Nu, a well-known attorney and Suzaku's mentor. For Lelouch, he had C.C. on his side, who was barely ever since without wearing that large green coat of hers.

This was a court of law, and the passions of justice burned very strongly in both their hearts...

--

_Suggestion:_

At the annual Knightmare Frame Meeting, visitors were allowed to make suggestions for new devices to be added to the next generation of Knightmare Frames.

"How about an ice maker...?" asked Suzaku.

"...Why the FUDGE would we need an ice maker?" asked Lloyd Asplund.

"Uh...so we can...shoot ICE CUBES at them!!"

It turned out to be a rather ingenious idea.

--

_Why They Stole Cheese-kun:_

"Okay, so I was playing rugby the other day...y'know...rugby? The sport that's like football but isn't anything even close to resembling it at the same time? Yeah, anyway...so I was playing rugby with the guys, you know who I'm talking about, like Suzaku, Rivalz, Gino, Jeremiah...the whole gang. So, I was playing rugby with the guys, when Suzaku, you know who, suddenly decided it would be really funny if we went into your room, you know where it is, and, uh, steal that little yellow doll you own. You know which one I'm talking about? That one that seems to change size every now and then, and you masturbate against it, and you think I don't hear you in the middle of the night, but I do? Yeah...we decided it would be funny, that after we finished playing rugby, that sport I mentioned earlier, the guys and I, you know which guys, should go into your room and-"

"You've been talking for about ten minutes without actually explaining anything useful, Lelouch..."

"Yeah? Well...up yours, bitch."

--

_Lelouch Knows How To Boost Morale:_

"Cheer up, Kallen; they'll stop calling you a butch dyke one day...even though I'm the one who started calling you it first..."

"Cheer up, Suzaku; life will definitely get better...when you're reincarnated...as a sea turtle...in Hawaii...and you'll need to get into the ocean before a raccoon eats you...good luck with that...SNAPPY!!!"

"Cheer up, C.C.; you'll lose all that weight you've gained for eating pizza one day...or you could just end up getting even fatter...and then you'll have to advertise on dating websites as a BBW...and you'll eventually get so fat that you'll die...BUT THERE'S ONLY A 70% CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING, SO NO WORRIES, 'AIGHT?!"

"Cheer up, Jeremiah; your Orange-phobia will end one day...and then you'll have Red-phobia...and you might get AIDS...and people will think you're a pedophile because you live with a little girl on an orange farm, ALONE...but it's all good!!!"

"...Cheer up, Kaguya; you'll find love one day...in a back alley...with an old man in his 50s...with a giant cock...and he'll rape you...painfully...YEAH!! JUST KEEP YOUR CHIN UP AND WAIT FOR THAT DAY TO COME!!!"


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass...obviously. If I did, would I even be typing this? Hell, I wouldn't even be American!!

A/N: Probably the most random chapter yet.

Please check out 'Random Code Geass Is Random 2', which is a slideshow with a randomly-chosen song, and a bunch of odd Code Geass pics drawn by those good ol' fan-artists in Japan!!

I mean, there's a picture of Lelouch as the purple Teletubby...c'mon, isn't that enough to make you at least a bit interested in checking it out?? Or something...?

My name on Youtube is 'Hikasu3445'.

* * *

_SexyBack:_

"Lulu's bringing sexy back...YEAH..."

"GODDAMMIT, LELOUCH, STOP SINGING IN THE SHOWER!!!"

"YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, WOMAN!!!"

"YES, I CAN!!!"

"...WHY?!"

"BECAUSE...I HAVE HEDGE-CLIPPERS!!!"

Lelouch had to admit that C.C. did have the upper-hand.

* * *

_Jerkass:_

Lelouch laughed like a madman as he chased Kallen down the hall, throwing chess pieces at her.

"TAKE THIS, BITCH!! AND THIS!!! TAKE THE GODDAMN HORSE!!!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Kallen cried, weeping into her palms.

As they watched this scene unfold, Suzaku turned to Rivalz and said, "Damn...Lelouch's really become a jerkass, hasn't he?"

Rivalz shrugged. "Ever since episode 5 of season 1, he's just gotten worse and worse..."

"What happened in episode 5?" Suzaku asked, who was a bit behind in watching the show.

Rivalz shrugged again.

* * *

_Big Mistake:_

When Kaname Ohgi woke up, he glanced out the window, and saw that it was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining high in the sky, the birds were chirping, and the nearby chemical plant was pumping deadly chemical toxins into the atmosphere. All was right with the world...

'WHEN THE FUCK DID I BECOME PRIME MINISTER?!! HOW DRUNK WAS I LAST NIGHT?!!' he wondered in horror.

Then, he noticed Viletta Nu was sleeping next to him, naked.

'...I THOUGHT THIS WAS THAT GREEN-HAIRED CHICK!!!'

* * *

_Lelouch's New Video Game Creation:_

"Happy birthday, Nunnally!!" Lelouch exclaimed as he handed his little sister her gift, which was wrapped up in toilet paper, since Lelouch was too cheap to buy actual wrapping paper.

"Ooh...what is it, big brother?" Nunnally asked as she tore off the paper.

"I'm sure you'll enjoy it..." Lelouch said, smiling proudly.

It was a video game disc entitled 'Suzaku May Cry'.

'WTF...?!'

"You're the main character...and all the 'demons' look like Suzaku in bondage gear!!!" Lelouch told her.

Nunnally thought for a moment. "...Can I make the demons look like Anya instead?"

"Uhhh...sure?"

"OH, THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL GIFT, BROTHER!!!!"

* * *

_Living The American Dream:_

"...Have you ever dreamed you could have a threesome?" Suzaku asked Lelouch one random day.

Lelouch smirked. "Heh! Dreamed it?! Buddy, I LIVED it!!"

Suzaku gasped and exclaimed, "HOLY SHIT!!! NO WAY!!!"

"Yup! C.C., Kallen and I, one bed, totally nude...it was awesome..."

"Damn..." Suzaku thought for a moment. "...What was it like?"

Suddenly, tears began to pour down Lelouch's face. "Right when we were about to begin, they kicked me out of the bed and just started making out with each other...I had to sleep on the floor that night..."

Suzaku sighed. "You suck..."

"I KNOW!!"

* * *

_Implied Racism = FAIL:_

"We now know that there is apparently no language barrier between Britannians and the Eleven, which brings up another important question...how can you tell if someone is Eleven or Britannian?"

"Uh...they look different...?"

"You know, no one in Area 11 OR Britannia actually looks like a real Eleven OR Britannian...I mean, it should be just as easy to tell everyone you're a Britannian when you're really from Area 11!!"

"...Man, you're really good at noticing worthless crap like that!!"

"I know, I know...keep praising me!!"

* * *

_C.C. Butt-Pillow:_

"If you had one good thing to say about C.C.," asked Suzaku, "What would it be?"

Lelouch didn't even ponder long on this question. "Her butt makes a good pillow..." he replied in a very serious tone.

* * *

_Lelouch Writes Fanfiction:_

"I did it, Suzaku! I did it!!" Lelouch exclaimed happily as he ran up to his 'so-called' best friend.

"Let me guess," Suzaku replied with a sigh, "You finally got over your irrational fear of pumpkin seeds...?"

"NOT LIKELY, MY FRIEND!! Look, I wrote fanfiction for the first time!!" Lelouch said, and he tossed a large stack of papers in Suzaku's face.

Looking the papers over, Suzaku found himself really impressed. "Wow...this is...this is really good..."

"Heh heh...check out what happens at the end..."

Suzaku did so...and he shat bricks. "WAIT...WHY THE HELL DO I AND CHARLES ZI BRITANNIA GET MARRIED?!!"

"IT'S A YAOI FIC!!!" Lelouch proudly stated.

The next day, Rivalz was found dead in his bedroom...for some completely different reason that doesn't even pertain to what happened with Lelouch and Suzaku...


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_Metal Geass Solid 4:_

"LOLI!!" Lelouch cried, his bushy moustache fluttering in the wind.

"BROTHER!!!" Nunnally exclaimed back, and she put on a pair of dark sunglasses before rolling off.

--

Kallen looked herself in the mirror. "...My god, I DO look like Meryl!!!"

"You got her wide, man-like shoulders, too..." Suzaku pointed out as he was putting on his cybernetic armor.

--

Rivalz was so excited that he got the role of Drebin (Arthur was cast as the monkey Little Grey) that he forgot how to pilot the giant tank and ended up driving straight off a cliff.

* * *

_Die Hard, Diethard:_

A year after the end of R2...

Dressed only in rags, Schneizel stood at the edge of a cliff overlooking the sea. He sniffled a few times, until he finally just had to let it all out. Holding his hands by the sides of his face as if to call someone, tears pouring down his cheeks, he looked out into the skies and screamed:

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE, DIETHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD?!!!!"

Suddenly, the clouds parted, and Diethard came fluttering down, angel wings having sprouted from his back. He landed in front of a astonished Schneizel and smiled cheerfully.

"You're the one who killed me, bitch!"

Then, he vanished, and Schneizel fell to his knees and weeped...

* * *

_The Discussion:_

Li Xingke - "I heard...you were going to marry Princess Tianzi,"

Odysseus - "You heard right, my friend..."

Li Xingke - "I'm not your friend!!! ...Tell me something..."

Odysseus - "Yes?"

Li Xingke - "Do you realize you're getting married to a 10-year-old little girl with a slight case of down syndrome?"

Odysseus - "Seriously?! I thought Princess Tianzi was that blonde-haired chick with the weird 'high-tide surfer' attitude..."

Li Xingke - "Uh...that's Gino Weinberg, who's a MAN..."

Odysseus - "Hey...nobody's perfect..."

Li Xingke - "...I KEEL YOU!!!"

LI XINGKE PERFORMS HIS FINISHING BLOW: WAKA-WAKA-CHOOOOOW!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Jeremiah's Problem:_

Once Jeremiah was comfortably seated on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, the psychiatrist decided to start so he can get this thing over with and have a cup of chicken noodle soup.

"So...what seems to be the problem, Mr. Gottwald?"

Jeremiah let out a heavy sigh and replied, "Well, doc, ever since that bastard Zero called me 'Orange-kun' for absolutely no reason, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. He even said if I killed him, he would 'spill orange'. At first, I thought he was talking about blood, and then I thought it was about semen, and now I'm not so sure anymore. Everyone seems to think I like the color orange, and the fruit of the same name. I looked back into my family history recently, and now I'm starting to think that maybe there really is some kind of 'orange' secret that I'm not fully aware of. On the day of my birth, my father wore an orange shirt. The first fruit-based juice I ever drank was orange juice. I once drew five pictures in a row while in kindergarten using only an orange crayon. I dressed as an Oompa-Loompa for Halloween. That weird funky eyepiece I wear is orange. My whole life has been full of nothing but orange..."

"...Are you sure it's not just a coincidence?"

"Hell no! It can't be! It just can't!! Everything, everything...it all stems from 'orange'!! I mean, it'd make more sense if my hair was orange, too, but it's not!! It's blue!! IT'S BLUE!!! Or maybe it's greenish-blue...I can't really tell...BUT IN ANY CASE, 'ORANGE' IS RUINING MY LIFE!!!"

'I really don't care...' thought the psychiatrist.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_Don't Conform, Be A Rebel:_

"Ahh...ahh..."

"Oh, stop groaning and take it like a woman!!!"

"Uuh...p-p-please...stop...I beg of you..."

"Shut up!!! You're mine, bitch!!"

"Oooooh..."

"Feel it!! Feel it!!! Ha ha ha ha!!!"

Lelouch opened the door, and saw Nunnally shoving a wet sticky dildo up Sayoko's vagina while laughing at the older woman's displeasure, so he quietly closed the door and walked off...

--

Later that day, Lelouch turned to Suzaku and said, "...I saw the greatest thing ever earlier this morning..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

_Movies Will Do This To You:_

"You know, Lelouch has been acting really weird ever since he saw 'The Dark Knight'," Milly told Shirley one day after having hot masochistic lesbian sex.

"Oh, really?" Shirley asked, "Like how?"

"Well..."

Suddenly, Lelouch burst into the room, wearing white make-up with red lipstick, his hair untidy and dyed dark-green, and he wore a dirty purple jacket with a green suit underneath. He had a mad look in his eyes.

"WHHHHHY...SO...SERIOUS?!!!!" He screamed before punching Shirley in the crotch, and then running off.

As Shirley laid on the ground, groaning in pain, Milly took a cigarette out of her pocket and began to smoke, saying, "There's your answer..."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

New Family Geass: 'Family Geass 10 - Jeremiah And His Nice Clean Rap'.

* * *

_Apparently, Jeremiah loves Orange Soda:_

"WHO LOVES ORANGE SODA?!!"

"JEREMIAH LOVES ORANGE SODA!!"

"IS IT TRUE...?"

"MMMMMMM-HMMMM...I DO, I DO, I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

* * *

_Shirley The Heavy-Duty Masochist 1:_

Shirley tried to keep herself from blushing as she stood in front of Lelouch, who was waiting for her to ask him out once again, and then he'll reject her like usual, and they'll continue on with their meaningless fictional lives.

"Umm...Lulu, will you...go out with me?"

Lelouch sighed, and shook his head. "No."

Suddenly, instead of breaking out into tears and running off to drown her sorrows in ice cream like usual, she collapsed onto the ground and began to twitch violently.

"OH MY GOD," she screamed, "THE PAIN OF REJECTION...IT'S...MAKING ME ORGASM!!!"

Lelouch just stared on in horror, and then he slowly began to inch away...

* * *

_Shirley The Heavy-Duty Masochist 2:_

"YOU DIE NOW!!!" Rolo shouted in a thick Russian accent, and he fired a bullet through Shirley's thigh.

However, as the orange-haired girl crashed to the floor, blood spewing from her leg, she let out a moan. "Ooooooh...that feels so goooooooood..."

"...Huh?"

"Do it...do it again..."

Rolo took a step back, horrified by Shirley's sexual intoxication from being SHOT IN THE LEG. "What...what?!!"

"Shoot me again..." Shirley begged.

"Uh...okay..." Rolo fired two shots into Shirley's shoulder, and she screamed in both pain and pleasure.

"AGAIN!!! AGAIN!!! AGAIN!!!"

Rolo nodded, and shot Shirley right in the stomach, and she just laid on the ground, no longer moving.

Rolo gasped. 'Oh god...did I...did I just kill her?'

He walked up to Shirley's body, and leaned closely to check her pulse, when a pistol was pressed against the bottom of his chin...it was Shirley, and she had a maniacal look in her eyes.

"...Thanks for the orgasm," she sneered before blowing the poor kid's brains out.

"SHIRLEY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!! YOU'LL CHANGE THE FUTURE!! YOU'LL CREATE A TIME PARADOX!!!"

* * *

_Jeremiah's Thoughts:_

'Does my hair look okay?'

'Why is that guy's butt so big?'

'I'd hit that...twice!'

'Orange...orange...orange...that Shirley girl's hair is orange...oh, hell yeah...'

'Why does this girl on the Internet have a penis??'

'I want my mommy...'

'Does the fact that I like a fruit that looks like a testicle make me gay, or am I just seriously over-thinking things?'

'BLOW ME DOWN, I HAVE SCURVY!!!'

'I totally look like the love child of Jessica Simpson and Paul McCartney...'

* * *

_The Truth Is Revealed:_

"...How long have you secretly been lying to me?" Lelouch asked Kallen.

"Eh...? What do you mean?" Kallen replied.

"Oh...you know what I mean...MR. CALZONE KOZUKI!!!" Lelouch creid, and he held up official documents stating that Kallen had undergone a sex-change operation to become a woman five years ago.

"You mean THAT? I'd forgotten about it..."

"I can see that..."

* * *

_Viletta Nu's theme song:_

"MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD, AND THEY'RE LIKE...IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS! DAMN RIGHT, IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS-"

Viletta smashed her fist into Jeremiah's stomach. "No..." she snarled, "Just...no."

"I like it!!" Rolo spoke up, but then Viletta swung a metal chair against the poor boy's head.

* * *

_Big Brother:_

"Can I be Shirlee's big brother?" Rolo asked, holding said baby in his arms.

"No..." Lelouch replied, not even looking up from his work.

"WHY NOT?!!"

"Because you listen to Spice Girls, dance funny, and touch yourself at night!!"

Rolo gasped. "Not...not all the time, dammit!!!"

"...You're just a flippin' faggot, so please shut up..."

"At least I didn't impregnate the LESBIAN..." Rolo muttered under his breath.

"HA! THAT JUST SHOWS HOW SKILLFUL I AM!!!" Lelouch proclaimed, giving two thumbs-up.

"...You're actually disgusted with yourself for having gone to bed with HER of all people, aren't you?"

Lelouch broke down into tears, and Rolo just shook his head and sighed.

* * *

_Fuckin' Name Is Fuckin':_

As he was now welcoming a new member to his ranks, Lelouch (disguised as Zero) decided to look over the man's papers. "Your name is Diethard Ried...Diethard...Diethard...Diethard...are you fucking kidding me?"

"Uh...no." replied Diethard.

"Your name," Lelouch asked, "...Is Diethard?"

"Well, my first name, yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You were named this at birth...?"

"Yes."

"You didn't change it to try and fit in with society?"

"No. It is my true birth name..."

"Diethard...you know, when split in half, it's 'Diet Hard'...'Diet Hard'...'Diet Hard'...hey, are you subtly trying to tell me I'm fat?"

"What?! No, of course not-"

"BECAUSE, MR. DIET HARD, I'M A FUCKIN' SKELETON!! A FUCKIN' SKELETON!!! I DON'T EVEN EAT, BECAUSE I'M A FICTIONAL BEING, JUST LIKE YOU!!! HELL, I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT, I'M ANOREXIC, AND NO ONE EVER TELLS ME I SHOULD GET HELP!! NO ONE!!! THE ONLY ONE WHO'S OVERWEIGHT AROUND HERE IS KALLEN...AND IT'S ALL UP IN HER **_ASS_**!!! YOU, SIR, HAVE PICKED THE WRONG MAN TO MOCK!!! YOU GODDAMN 'DIET HARD' BITCH!!!"

"But...but I didn't do anything!!! I just wanna be your fanboy!!!"

"TOO LATE...SUCKAH!!!"

Lelouch unsheathed a pistol, and shot Diethard through the face.

"LELOUCH, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!! YOU'LL CHANGE THE-"

"OH, SHUT THE FUCK UP, COLONEL!!"

"......Jackass......"

* * *

_Stating The Obvious:_

It was during Kaname and Viletta's wedding that Gino realized something.

Standing up, he pointed right at Viletta and cried, "HOLY CRAP, VILETTA-SAN...YOU'RE BLACK!!!"

He was soon stoned to death.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_The Geass-Rangers:_

"Can you please STOP?!!" Suzaku snapped as he tried to push Euphemia away.

"Why can't I just give you a goddamn blowjob?!!" Euphemia cried with tears in her eyes.

"BECAUSE I'M ABSTINENT, DAMMIT!!!"

Suddenly, Lelouch came crashing through the door, his entire body caked in sugar. "I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT!!!" he screamed loudly.

"...What?" Suzaku asked.

"C.C. IS GREEN RANGER, KALLEN IS RED RANGER, I'M BLACK RANGER, JEREMIAH IS THE ORANGE RANGER, ROLO IS THE PURPLE RANGER, EUPHEMIA IS THE PINK RANGER, SOME RANDOM CHARACTER IS THE YELLOW RANGER AND YOU'RE...YOU'RE THE BLUE RANGER!!! I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT!!!! WAAAA-HAAAHAAA!!!"

"...Why is Rolo purple?"

Lelouch shrugged. "I always kinda associated that color with him..."

"Really? I could say the same about how I think of you,"

"EXACTLY!!"

* * *

_The Best Of The Best:_

"Alright, listen up...I am the top-dog up here in heaven because I died first, so that means you all have to do what I say!!" Clovis announced to the other unfortunate souls of the Code Geass universe one day.

"What? You can't decide something like that so easily!" Diethard exclaimed.

"Yeah! How can you say you died first?" Euphemia snapped, "What about that soldier guy with the scar that Lelouch forced to commit suicide?!"

"Well...I was the first IMPORTANT character to die," Clovis replied.

Charles nodded. "He's got a point,"

Suddenly, a figure that had gone largely unnoticed by the others stepped out of the crowd. He was a tall young man with long, blood-red hair.

"MY NAME IS NAOTO KOZUKI...AND I DIED BEFORE ANY OF YOU BASTARDS!!!! I WAS KILLED BEFORE EPISODE 1!!!!"

Clovis gasped, and fell to his knees. "I have...been outdone by an Eleven...impossible...impossible..."

"Actually, God is the one who's bossing us around now, so we're all just pawns in the end," V.V. pointed out.

Everyone let out heavy sighs of disappointment.

* * *

_Night-Terrors:_

"Ugh...huh?! What're you doing up so late?"

"I...I had a bad dream..."

"What? Really?"

"It was...so, so scary..."

"Was it about the-"

"SSSHH!! DON'T SAY IT!!! I MIGHT PISS MYSELF OUT OF SHEER TERROR IF YOU EVEN DARE UTTER THE NAME OF THE BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR MY MANY SLEEPLESS NIGHTS!!!"

"Well, what do you need me to do about it...?"

"Can I...sleep with you?"

"What?! Oh, hell no!!"

"Please?! Just for one night?! I promise I'll be good!!"

"..."

"...Please?"

"Fine..."

"Oh, thank you so much, Anya-chan!!!"

"Just...you better not snore, Orange-kun, or I'll kick you in the throat!!!"

* * *

_Disco Nightz In The Cazbahhhhh:_

"So, what was this 'groovy thing' Rolo was talking about?" Lelouch asked C.C. as they walked side by side down the hallway towards their little midget friend's room.

"Well, I'm not really sure, because he was talking in a bunch of old 70's lingo, and he had a pair of star-shaped glasses and a large fake afro on. Oh, and he was wearing some really sparkly clothes and platform shoes that seemed really, really unnatural considering his actual personality..."

"Meh, he probably just got a little too excited by some of Milly's old music CDs that she gets as mementos from her parents...or he was doing a really bad cosplay of Weird Al Yankovic," Lelouch replied with a shrug.

When they opened the door, they saw a rather strange sight; a large glittering disco-ball was hanging from the ceiling, as Rolo danced about in a feverish manner. Kallen was lying unconscious on a beanbag chair, an empty beer bottle in hand and wearing nothing but her boxer shorts and a coconut bra. Suzaku was playing imaginary whack-a-mole, and Euphemia was sticking lit cigarettes up her nostrils. Rivalz was there too, but only his legs were sticking out from underneath the bed.

"HEY, JIBBA-JABBAS!!" Rolo called, waving to them, "PULL UP A SPIZZAH AND WATCH THE DANCE-MASTAH SHAKE HIS GROOVE-THANG UP GEORGE STREET AVENUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEE, MUDDAFLUGGER!!! WAKA WAKA YACHOOOOW!!!"

Lelouch just closed the door, took a few steps back, and then screamed, "I'M...FIRIN'...MAH...LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZAH!!!!!"

Opening both eyes wide, a huge pink beam burst out of Lelouch's eyes and completely obliterated Rolo's room, as well as an entire section of the school. With his work now done, Lelouch felt rather satisfied with himself.

* * *

_Lelouch Wants Pudding:_

"What do you want?" C.C. asked.

"PUDDING!!!" Lelouch screamed.

"When do you want it?" C.C. asked.

"NOW!!!" Lelouch screamed.

"What are you willing to do for it?" C.C. asked.

"I'M WILLING TO SNAP SUZAKU'S FUCKIN' NECK, SHOVE HIS CORPSE DOWN KALLEN'S THROAT, CUT HER STOMACH OPEN, TAKE OUT SUZAKU'S CORPSE, BASH RIVALZ OVER THE HEAD WITH A STICK, WATCH AN EPISODE OF STAR TREK, AND TAKE OUT THE TRASH...IN A TIME SPAN OF ONLY FIVE MINUTES!!!" Lelouch screamed.

"You'll do all that for pudding...?" C.C. asked.

"OF COURSE!!!" Lelouch screamed, "PUDDING IS THE CORNERSTONE OF MY BELIEF SYSTEM!!! BESIDES, WITHOUT PUDDING, HOW CAN I SAY: 'SCREW THE PLOTLINE, I HAVE PUDDING'?!!! ANSWER ME, BITCH!!!"

"Alright, here's your pudding," C.C. grunted, and she tossed it at Lelouch's face.

Giggling happily, Lelouch was about to eat, when he realized something...

"...THIS IS FUCKING GREEN JELL-O, WOMAN!!!!"

* * *

_Fish have hair?:_

"I found a carp that has Kallen's hairstyle," Lelouch remarked, holding up said fish.

Suzaku nodded, and took a sip of his beer. "SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET...BRUDDA."

* * *

_SeaWorld:_

"Fuck, this is boring," Lelouch grunted as he, Shirlee, and a rather ecstatic Suzaku watched a performance of Shamuu, the lovable killer whale.

"SHAMUU, I LOVE YOU!!! PLEASE HAVE MY BABIES!!!!" Suzaku screamed like a giddy school girl, much to the chagrin and disgust of everyone else in the crowd.

"HOT SUZAKU-ON-SHAMUU ACTION!!!" cried a kid who was busy playing Pokemon on his Nintendo DS.

Suddenly, as he watched the large fish perform a back-flip, Lelouch had an idea. He lifted little Shirlee high into the air, and pressed her soft spot: her belly button. At that instant, Shirlee's Geass activated, and a huge being made out of tentacles was thrust out of nowhere into Shamuu's swimming pool, where the two giant beasts began a fierce battle almost immediately.

Putting Shirlee back down, Lelouch smirked and thought, 'Now this is alot better...'

* * *

_What I Left Behind:_

'It's going to be sad...being dead,' Lelouch thought to himself as he awaited for Suzaku to finally arrive and perform the final act of this great grande lie he had dragged all of Britannia and Area 11 into, 'I mean...I'll be dead, so it's already a bummer. I'll leave alot of people behind, too...like Shirlee...OH GOD, SHIRLEE!!! MY ILLEGIMATE DAUGHTER THAT REALLY SHOULD BE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE MOTHER, BUT IT ENDED UP BEING MY JOB TO CARE FOR HER!!! WHAT WILL SHE DO WITHOUT ME?! SHE'S ONLY A LITTLE GIRL!!! SHE'S MY LITTLE GIRL!!! OH GOD, I GOTTA CANCEL THIS PLAN, AND WAIT UNTIL SHE'S ABOUT 18 BEFORE I DIE-'

Then, he felt a sword pierce through his stomach. 'OH, SHIIIIIT!!!!'

* * *

_Mao Has Something To Say:_

After nearly driving Shirley to madness with his words, Mao knew all he had left was to land the final blow.

Holding her close, Mao smirked and brought his lips close to her ear. Then, he said:

"PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS..."

And with that, Shirley was 100% scarred for life.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

---

_Kindred Spirits:_

Lelouch Lamperouge let out a heavy sigh. He had been lucky enough to get into heaven, but that still didn't make up for the fact that he was dead, while everyone else was still alive and fucking each other like no tomorrow.

"No one here understands my pain," he muttered like the emo he is, "I miss my darling Nunnally-chan..."

Suddenly, a man with shoulder-length bright-red hair and a cheerful grin on his face sat down next to Lelouch, and said, "So, is Nunnally your girlfriend?"

For some reason, this man had an odd resemblance to Kallen.

Lelouch shook his head. "She's my little sister...I have an unhealthy obsession with her..."

"Really?!" The man gasped, "I have the same unhealthy obsession for MY little sister!! She's almost done with high school, and even though I'm dead, I always love peeking down and watching her take showers every now and then..."

"That's quite perverted!"

"Yeah, I know! I have a scrapbook full of photos, too!" The man then leaned in closely and whispered, "Her tits are HUGE these days...it's awesome, especially since she doesn't know I'm watching..."

"My sister is basically a loli, and she was blind for a while, as well as she's stuck in a wheelchair, so that gave me quite the advantage in doing whatever I please to her..." Lelouch explained.

The man laughed. "You, sir, have seriously got to be my BFF right here and now!"

"Same here...buddy!"

The man laughed again, and put his arm over Lelouch's shoulder. "So," he asked, "What's your name?"

"I'm Lelouch Lamperouge! What's yours?"

"The name's Naoto Kozuki!! Let's go get a drink!"

Both of them now laughing rather joyously, the two men walked off together to the local bar...

* * *

_Suzaku Is A Bastard:_

"Hey, Kallen, pull my finger!" Suzaku exclaimed.

"...Why the hell should I?" Kallen asked.

"JUST DO IT!!"

"...Fine..."

Kallen did so, and then Suzaku cackled, "HA HA!! YOU JUST GOT AIDS, BITCH!!!"

Kallen's face remained emotionless. "I already have AIDS, you dickwad..."

"Oh...so that means that I'M the one with AIDS now?"

Kallen nodded.

"...I really need to plan out these jokes better..."

"Uh-huh..."

* * *

_He Was In The Moment:_

Grabbing the intercom microphone for himself, Lloyd screamed, "Lelouch? Lelouch?! LELOOOOOOOOUCH!!!"

Cecil glared at Lloyd, and snapped, "What the hell are you doing?"

Lloyd shrugged. "Sorry...I was in the moment..."

"WELL, STOP IT!!!"

"...Can you be my 'Naomi Hunter'?"

"NO!!!!"

* * *

_A Sticker Is A Sticker, No Matter Where You Put It:_

"Alright, who put a 'Gay Pride' sticker on my Zero helmet?!" Lelouch snapped.

He heard a tiny giggle come from the closet nearby.

"GODDAMMIT, SUZAKU!!!"

* * *

_Mind-Reading Kinda Sucks:_

Holding Shirley firmly, Mao exclaimed, "I shall now...READ YOUR MIND!!!"

Silence for a few moments, and then...Mao's face fell.

"Oh my god..." he muttered in a growing speed as he continued to scan Shirley's thoughts, "Oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!"

Then, screaming his deranged head off, Mao ran away to wash out his eyes with soap, in hopes that he could cleanse the disturbing images he had just seen from his mind.

Shirley just shrugged, and walked off without a word.

* * *

_Lelouch Makes An Attempt:_

"Screw the rules, I have Geass!!"

C.C. shook her head in disappointment. "Sorry, but that's not funny AT ALL...besides, you're just using a famous line from Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, you cheapskate!!"

"I...I can't help it!" Lelouch exclaimed, "I just wasn't born to be the kind of person who can put others into hysterics by speaking a simple phrase or performing a certain stunt!!"

"Well, keep trying! Or...I'll kill you..." C.C. warned, and she really did mean what she said.

Strengthening his resolve, Lelouch continued this meaningless effort...


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: My youtube account was permanently disabled, so that means no more 'Family Geass' or Code Geass AMVs. T_T

Also, one of these little skits can only really be understood if you know enough about Persona 4...or at least know enough about Adachi Toru anyway...

* * *

_Euphie's Secret Room:_

While helping Cornelia and the others clear out Euphemia's section of the Britannian Estate (since she was dead and all), Suzaku happened to come across a door he had never noticed before. It was made completely out of steel, and the words 'KEEP OUT' had been scribbled on it in big red letters.

'Interesting...'

Without even considering the consequences, Suzaku opened the door...and found a room chock-full of various bondage gear.

Suzaku's mouth fell open. "..."

There was even some random old guy just lying on the floor, muttering to himself due to his insanity.

After a moment, Suzaku just closed the door and walked away...

* * *

_Kidz Bop:_

Rolo was bored out of his mind one day, when he suddenly had an idea.

'THAT'S AN AWESOME IDEA!!!' he jumped off his bed, and ran to Nunnally's room, where she was busy making love to a very frightened Anya.

"HEY!!" Nunnally snapped furiously, "I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW, AS YOU CAN SEE!!!"

"I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M BEING RAPED BY A GIRL WITH NO MOBILITY IN HER LEGS WHATSOEVER, BUT I AM!!!" Anya weeped.

"HEY, YOU TWO ARE YOUNG!! WE SHOULD JOIN THE KIDZ BOP CREW!!" Rolo suggested.

"FUCK THAT!! KIDZ BOP IS BASICALLY A BUNCH OF WHINY BRATS RAPING GOOD SONGS WITH THEIR HIGH-PITCHED AND UNEVEN VOCALS!!" Nunnally screamed.

"SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!" Anya cried loudly.

"WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING?!!" Rolo shrieked.

Nunnally shrugged her shoulders. "I DON'T KNOW!!"

* * *

_I took this idea from one of my many short P4 fics:_

"So...guess what I did last night?" Lelouch said to Suzaku while they were sitting on the school roof for no reason whatsoever.

"What?"

"I had sex with Kallen..."

Suzaku gasped. "No way!! You actually FINALLY agreed to go to bed with her?!"

"Well," Lelouch replied, "It was more like she RAPED me, but in any case...afterwards, she told me that I was so bad that she'd rather be gay...so she became a lesbian..."

Suzaku winced. "Wow...that's harsh..."

"What're you talking about?!" Lelouch exclaimed happily, "I CAN TURN WOMEN INTO LESBIANS JUST BY FUCKING THEM!!! I HAVE AN AWESOME SUPER POWER!!! I SHALL USE IT...FOR THE SIDE OF JUSTICE!!!"

"...How?"

Lelouch thought about it. "...Uh, hold on a moment...I need to see Milly..."

Suzaku sighed, and didn't even bother stopping his friend from walking off to go and corrupt more minds...more than usual, anyway...

* * *

_Lulu-no-jutsu:_

Suzaku was eating ramen when Lelouch suddenly jumped in through the window.

"GUESS WHAT? I DON'T HAVE THE GEASS ANYMORE!! NOW, I...GOT...SHARIGANNNNNNNN!!!" he screamed, and he set Suzaku ablaze with the black flames of Amaterasu. Suzaku could do little before he completely disintegrated into nothingness.

Now that poor Suzaku was dead, Lelouch sat down at the table and began eating what was left of the ramen without a care in the world.

* * *

_Jeremiah Meets A Kindred Spirit:_

Jeremiah was sitting on a park bench, staring at a lone orange he held in his hand, when a man sat down beside him. He had short, slightly curly black hair, and wore clothes that were usually seen on small-time detectives. He was carrying a plastic bag full of cabbages.

"...Oranges?" he asked.

Jeremiah nodded, and he glanced at the man's bag. "...Cabbages?"

The man nodded. Then, they both let out heavy sighs.

* * *

_This Man Is Satan Reincarnated: _

Luciano Bradley laughed like a madman as he made his way home from 'the usual place'. After running over a few people with his truck, and shooting an old lady through the head for no reason, he finally made it back to his dirty old apartment. Kicking a pregnant dog in the stomach as he walked past it, Bradley could hardly contain his inner glee.

'Heh heh...my new TOYS are gonna love their new home...'

Unlocking the door by smashing his elbow into it, Luciano Bradley sat down on the couch, and opened the bag he was carrying...and took out several beanie-babie plush toys.

He stared at the purple bear one for a few moments, before he began hugging it lovingly. "AWWW...YOU'RE SO CUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!! I JUST LOVE MY WITTLE BEANIE-BABIES!!! YES, I DO!!!" He gushed, his cheeks bright red.

Truly, this man IS Satan!

* * *

_Suzaku's Dad:_

"Sorry, father," Little Suzaku snarled as he unsheathed a sword, "But...I cannot allow you to leave here..."

Genbu Kururugi gasped. 'My own child...is defying me?!'

"DIIIIIE!!!" Suzaku charged at his father, fully prepared to kill his own parent for the sake of his friends...when he tripped, and the sword went right through his own head, killing him.

Genbu was speechless. 'HOLY CRAP...I DIDN'T DIE?!!!!'


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: No flaming please! Grand Theft Auto and Twilight reference ahoy!

PLEASE REVIEW, PEOPLE!!!

* * *

_Lelouch's life in a nutshell:_

"GET UP, COME ON, GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS!!!" Rolo screamed into Lelouch's ear without warning.

"What the hell are you doing?!!" Lelouch cried, glaring at Rolo, who had a big grin on his face.

"Oh, I was just listening to your ipod earlier, and I realized you have ALOT of emo songs on it..." Rolo replied with a girlish giggle.

Lelouch thought he was about to start crying. 'But...those songs are my life in a nutshell...you can't just diss them like that, you faggot...'

* * *

_The useless OCs:_

Reading off a list, Suzaku said, "So..we already have Shirlee, Lelouch and Nina's illegitimate daughter...and now we have V.C., C.C. and V.V.'s illegitimate son, who is apparently already 18 years old and his full name is 'Vice City'...how weird is this going to get?"

Lelouch shrugged. "Who knows?"

Suddenly, the door swung open, and Rivalz came in, carrying a rather handsome young man with spiky red hair and eyes as white as snow. "Hey, I found another useless OC...you guys take care of him..." And with that, Rivalz dropped the guy on the floor and walked out the room.

Staring at the odd-looking figure for a few minutes, Suzaku asked, "...What's your name?"

The OC raised his head. "The name's Captain Crunch-EX4, motherfuckerz!!!1!!"

Suzaku sighed.

* * *

_Disguise:_

If Suzaku was going to sneak into the stronghold of the Black Knights, he was going to need a proper disguise. First, he had his hair completely redone, and colored blood-red. Then, he had Lloyd create a special underwear that made it appear that he doesn't have a penis but a vagina instead. Next, he put on alot of heavy make-up for absolutely no reason, and stuffed his bra with two pillows from a king-size bed.

'Yes...now I can pass off as resembling the red-headed terrorist girl herself!!!' Suzaku thought, chuckling.

Oddly enough, he was able to get past everyone until he came across Zero himself, who immediately realized Suzaku was an imposter when he pointed out that Kallen's breasts didn't bounce THAT much.

"KILL HIM!!!" Zero ordered.

'Oh shit...'

Suzaku could do nothing as a barrage of bullets were blown into his body, killing him upon impact...

* * *

_Arthur Is Such A Pimp:_

Rivalz was reading porn when Milly came running into the room. Her clothes were torn to pieces, her bra was gone, and she was sobbing uncontrollably.

"The...the cat...it...it just RAPED me!!!" Milly cried.

Rivalz grunted in response, and went back to reading his porn.

* * *

_The Titles:_

Tapping his ruler on the table, Lelouch announced, "Alright, everyone, here's your new titles:

Suzaku is 'The Homosexual Childhood Friend'.

Rolo is 'The Japanese Representation of Today's Troubled American Youth'.

Milly is 'The Subtle Whore'.

C.C. is 'The Blatant Whore'.

Kallen is 'The Tries-To-Be-Subtle-But-Ultimately-Fails-At-It Whore'.

Jeremiah is 'Orange-Kun', obviously.

Gino is 'The Bisexual Man-Slut'.

Anya is 'The Bisexual Loli-Slut'.

Kaname is 'Bushy-Haired FAIL'.

Viletta is 'Bushy-Haired FAIL's wife'.

Nina is 'The Ugly, Crazy Lesbian'.

Diethard is 'The Cool-Aid Man'.

Schneizel is 'My Personal DJ'.

Cornelia is 'The Lesbian-Incest Whore.'

Euphemia is 'The Dead Whore'.

Shirley is 'The Other Dead Whore'.

Tohdoh is 'RORONA ZORO'.

Mao is 'Pee-Wee Herman'.

Charles zi Britannia is 'Cranky Old Diaper-Man'.

V.V. is 'The Traitorious Keebler Elf'.

Marianne zi Britannia is 'The Third Dead Whore'.

Li Xingke is 'The Foreign Dude'.

Luciano Bradley is 'Edward'.

Rakshata is 'The Foreign Chick'.

Kaguya is 'The Whore Wannabe'.

Tianzi is 'The Lolicon Bait'.

Odysseus is 'The Lolicon'.

Lloyd is 'Lloyd'.

...and I, Lelouch Lamperouge, am 'The Ultimate Supreme Lord of Superior Upbringing And A Thousand Honeybees Of Love'!!!"

A few moments later, Lelouch was hit in the face with a brick.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

PLEASE REVIEW, PEOPLE!!!

* * *

_Rolo's Nightmare:_

Clovis la Britannia, wearing a beautiful sky-blue silk gown and a tiara to match, stood in the middle of the large oval-shaped room, waiting for his beloved to finally arrive. He had rented out this entire building just so they could finally have that special dance together that they had always dreamed of.

He glanced at his watch, muttering under his breath. 'God...where the hell is he?!!'

Suddenly, as if on cue, the large double-doors swung open with a bang, and Clovis let out a gasp. Dressed in a tuxedo, Bartley Asprius entered the room, a small grin on his lips.

A blush formed on Clovis's cheeks as Bartley grew closer. 'He's...he's finally here...'

Once he had reached him, Bartley got down on one knee and held out his palm. "Would you...like to dance, my love?" he asked in a husky voice.

Clovis held out a long, slender gloved hand, and placed it gently onto Bartley's palm. "I would..."

Bartley smiled, and wrapped one arm around Clovis's waist, while he held Clovis's left arm high into the air with his other hand. Clovis almost felt like crying right then and there; he was just so happy to be alive, with the person he loved.

"Bartley...I love you..." Clovis whispered, burying his face into Bartley's chest.

Bartley bent over and kissed Clovis on the forehead. "And I love you, my darling Clovis-chan..."

Soft, gentle music began to play in the background. It was the very song that had played when Clovis and Bartley had shared their first kiss, so long ago.

Then, they danced like they've never danced before, gliding effortlessly across the dance floor, their bodies moving as one...

...That was when Rolo finally woke up.

Sitting up in bed, he blinked a few times, trying to contemplate what he had just dreamt.

'...I just dreamt that Clovis and Bartley were gay lovers...' Rolo realized.

Then...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Woken by the poor boy's screams, Lelouch came running into the room, completely naked. And, for some reason, he had Sayoko straddled to his back. "What happened?!" Lelouch cried, "Did you dream of Winnie the Pooh again?!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

To say the least, Rolo was rather traumatized by the whole thing...which would explain his rather paranoid behavior in the anime, wouldn't it?

* * *

_Tongue-Twister:_

"Hey, Suzaku, wanna hear this tongue-twister I thought up?" Lelouch asked his 'good buddy', "As the leader of a small rebel resistance against a super powerful continent, I have ALOT of free-time on my hands..."

"I hear that!" Suzaku replied with a chuckle, "So...what is it?"

"Alright, here it is... 'C.C. spewed her sweet semen on several silver see-saws'!"

Suzaku could say nothing in response.

* * *

_The True Mastermind:_

Raising his gun at Zero, Suzaku snarled, "Alright, you bastard...take off your goddamn helmet, so I can see the face of the man responsible for the deaths of so many innocent people!!"

"No!! Don't do it, Zero-taichou!!!" Kallen cried.

"BE QUIET!!" Suzaku snapped at the redhead, and then he turned his attention back to Zero, "TAKE OFF THE HELMET!!!"

Zero raised his hands, and placed them on the sides of his helmet. "Very well...here I go..."

Both Suzaku and Kallen watched in amazement as Zero removed his helmet, and revealed himself to be...Arthur the Cat.

'HOLY CRAP!!! I'M IN LOVE WITH A CAT?!!' Kallen realized.

'HOLY CRAP!!! I'M IN LOVE WITH A CAT?!!' Suzaku realized.

'I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!!' Diethard thought with glee.

* * *

_DBG (Dragon Ball Geass):_

As Lelouch slowly approached them, Clovis turned to Bartley and snapped, "BARTLEY...WHAT'S HIS POWER LEVEL?!!"

Bartley tapped the side of his monocle, and watched as a set of numbers flashed onto the glass. He gasped, and screamed, "IT'S OVER 9000!!!"

Clovis cursed loudly. "WHAT?!! 9000?!!!"

Then, Lelouch shot Clovis through the head.

* * *

_Lelouch's Secret Fetish:_

When Kallen opened the bathroom door, the last thing she expected was to find Lelouch, with his head deep into the toilet bowl.

"Don't mind me," he said, "Just do your business..."

He was arrested only 2 hours later.


	18. Chapter 17 Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Three extra ones I forgot to add to the last chapter.

* * *

_Loliman, Loliman, Does Whatever A Lolicon Can:_

Tianzi and Li Xingke were walking down the hallway together (in a totally non-sexual way, I swear), when they both heard a noise from within the pipeline above them. They saw a pair of lustful eyes staring down at them. "My Loli-Senses are tingling..." hissed a familiar voice.

"Oh god," Li Xingke groaned, "It's Odysseus again..."

Tianzi sighed. "I'll take care of him..."

"Huh? How?"

Tianzi reached down, and lifted up her skirt. A minute later, a huge, swollen penis emerged from within her panties and shot straight up through the ceiling, taking Odysseus with it as it went higher and higher into the skies. By the time it had stopped, poor Odysseus had already been torn in half.

Li Xingke was speechless. 'DAMN...SHE'S BIGGER THAN ME!!!'

* * *

_Legend of Euphemia:_

Suzaku didn't really understand why he had to wear these crappy green clothes, or why he had to have an annoying little fairy with spiky red hair named Kallen follow him around.

"HEY!! LISTEN!!! PRESS THE 'UP-C' BUTTON!!! HEY!!! HEY!!!!"

"SHUT UP, DAMMIT!!!" Suzaku screamed, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEFEAT THE EVIL KING LULUDORF AND SAVE PRINCESS EUPHEMIA AND OBTAIN THE GOLDEN GEASSFORCE IF YOU KEEP SCREAMING IN MY GODDAMN EARDRUMS?!!"

"...Bitchy man-slut..."

With his almighty Lancelot Sword in his possession, Suzaku was ready for anything...except for running knee-deep through burning lava and freezing ice while wearing a mini-skirt.

'FUCK YOU AND YOUR WORTHLESS FANSERVICE, NINTENDO!!!'

* * *

_Bla Bla Bla:_

"A A BEN! WAREM A BEN BEN! WAREM BEN BEN BEN! WAREM A WA TWO BEN BEN! WAREM A BLA A BLA BEN! WAREM A A BEN! WAREM BEN BEN BEN! WAREM A TWO BEN BEN-"

"What the fuck are you saying?!" Suzaku cried.

Lelouch shrugged.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_Comparison:_

"No, no, no!! You...you can't leave me!!!" Lelouch cried to Suzaku, "You...you complete me!!!"

"Oh, please!! Don't spout such bullshit!!!" Suzaku snapped.

"But...but it's true!! Listen! You're the Naruto to my Sasuke! The Goku to my Vegeta! The Edward Elric to my Roy Mustang! The Sora to my Riku! The Horohoro to my Ren! The Otacon to my Solid Snake! The Akito to my Agito! The Seto Kaiba to my Yugi Muto! The Ash to my Gary! The...The Barney Rubble to my Fred Flintstone!!"

Suzaku blinked a few times. "I understand what you were trying to say, because you named off alot of popular yaoi pairings, but then you suddenly spouted out that nonsense at the end..."

Lelouch shrugged and replied, "Hey, I was on a role..."

* * *

_GOOD GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE:_

Suzaku wasn't sure who this extraordinarily pretty young man with short bright-pink hair was or how he knew him.

"Uh...who are you?" Suzaku asked.

The man smiled. "IT'S ME, SUZAKU!! I'M EUPHEMIA!!! I GOT A SEX CHANGE!!!"

Suzaku's entire world shattered to pieces in an instant.

* * *

_Why Kill Him?:_

"...It's kinda funny you killed your FANBOY..." Lelouch snickered.

C.C. glared at him. "Shut up. One day, you'll lose both a fanboy and a fangirl, I just know you will it!!! Then, you'll understand how it feels to lose people who love you enough to draw porn doujin about you!!!"

Lelouch scoffed, and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever..."

Then, a while later...both Shirley and Rolo died.

* * *

_V.V.'s Heaven...Or Is It Hell?:_

"Welcome to heaven...V.V..." whispered a deep voice.

V.V. let out a groan as he regained consciousness. 'Oh yeah,' he thought, 'I died...dammit...'

Sitting up, he realized he was surrounded by a thick fog. Slowly, the fog began to dissipate, revealing what was apparently the 'heaven' V.V. would be living in for the rest of eternity...

'OH...FUCK...NO.'

It was the village of the Smurfs.

Looking down at his hands, V.V. gasped in horror as he saw his skin had become a light-blue.

'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-'

* * *

_To Diet Hard, Eat Peaches:_

"PEACHES AND CREAM!! PEACHES AND CREAM!!! PEACHES AND CREAM!!!! PEACHES AND-"

"STFU, N00B!" Lelouch snapped, smashing his foot into Diethard's crotch.

'...Why the hell does he like peaches so much?' Kallen wondered as she watched Diethard collapse onto the floor.

* * *

_Double Plagiarism:_

Kallen was shocked when she came out of the store to see Lloyd writing a ticket for her Knightmare Frame.

"Uh...what seems to be the problem, officer?" she asked nervously, "I...I parked it in a non-handicapped spot, didn't I?"

Lloyd nodded. "Yes, but...the Guren Mk II is plagiarizing the youth of today's Americanas!"

"...What?"

"Look, it's like this: 'Guren' from 'Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann', and 'Mk II' is from 'Metal Gear Solid 4'. You're going to jail, bitch!!!"

Kallen was speechless.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: This was written in celebration of reaching 20 chapters of 'You Got Lulurolled' and over 100 reviews!! Thank you, everybody!!!

* * *

_Suzaku, you motherfuckin' dumbass piece of shit:_

Suzaku Kururugi smiled to himself as he checked over his hair one last time. Making sure he had his cellphone, wallet, keys, and a pack of condoms (just in case), he knew he was totally prepared for his date tonight! As he walked out of his room, he switched off the lights and slammed the door behind him. With a confident air around him, Suzaku felt almost invincible.

'She's waiting for me out at the front gates of the school...I better hurry...' Suzaku thought, quickening his walking speed.

He was about halfway down the hall when Kallen and Lelouch suddenly ran up from behind.

"Suzaku...we've told you time and time again," Kallen said worryingly, "But...you gotta call off this date! Right now!! You're making a huge mistake!!!"

"Yeah! She's right, Suzaku! I don't want you to suffer, like I did! Just go back to your room, and go to sleep!! Forget about the date!!" Lelouch cried.

Instead of heeding their words, Suzaku scoffed. "Feh...you're both cramping my style..."

"WHAT STYLE?!!" Kallen snapped, "LISTEN, SUZAKU, IF YOU GO ON THIS DATE, YOU'LL...YOU'LL...YOU'LL BE SORRY!!!"

"What? Are you jealous that I'm no longer available?" Suzaku asked with a smirk.

Kallen blushed furiously, and turned her head away. "N-NO..."

"Suzaku, if you go through with this...you'll experience things...and see things...that no man would ever wish to see!!! I am not kidding around!! This is serious!!!" Lelouch warned.

Suzaku rolled his eyes.

"GODDAMMIT, LISTEN TO REASON, MAN!!! WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE YOU!!!"

Finally having reached the doors that lead out to the front gates, Suzaku turned to his two friends and glared at them.

"Listen," he said in a grave tone, "I don't need either of you telling me what to do, got it?! I like her, and she likes me, and that's all there is to it!! I finally got over Euphemia's death, and I've found new love!!! Why can't you two be happy for me?!!"

"Well, it's because-" Kallen began.

"SHUT UP!!!" Suzaku snapped, "...I'll see you two later..."

Then, he swung the doors open and stepped out to meet with his date. Lelouch and Kallen followed him out into the doorway and watched with sad expressions as Suzaku leaned down and gave his date a small kiss on the cheek. His date had long blonde hair and a huge forehead...

...It was V.V.

As they watched the two lovers drive off for a night in the city, Lelouch turned to Kallen and asked, "Why didn't we just SAY that V.V. is actually a little old midget?"

Kallen shrugged. "Why didn't Suzaku realize V.V. was a boy on first glance, like the rest of us?"

"...Because he's stupid?"

"Exactly."


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_Bad Time For A Hard-On:_

Lelouch was horrified. As he watched Euphemia fire bullets everywhere, killing people or whatever, a single thought ran through the black-haired bishounen's mind:

'...Is it bad to say that seeing her like this is making me hard right now?'

* * *

_Yummy:_

Seeing that Tianzi seemed terribly nervous about the wedding, Odysseus smiled innocently and tapped her on the hand.

"Don't worry," he said in a kind tone, "Just calm down..."

Tianzi nodded, and lifted the hand that Odysseus had just touched to her mouth...and she began to lick it.

Odysseus gasped. 'DAMN, THAT'S HOT!!!!'

* * *

_Panty Thief:_

Shirley was walking down the hallway when she noticed Milly passing by.

"Oh, good morning, student council president," Shirley said to her, waving.

"Good morning," Milly replied, and then she snickered, "I'm gonna work EXTRA HARD today..."

It was then that Shirley realized her panties were now missing, and had somehow relocated themselves on top of Milly's head.

* * *

_Loli Whores Are PMS-ing, Biatch:_

"So...you don't care if Zero makes love to other women?" Tianzi asked Kaguya one day.

Kaguya shook her head. "He deserves to be happy, and even if it isn't with me, he must never allow himself to suppress his desires of the flesh!!"

"But...what about if he made love to another man? And a cat? And a helmet? AT THE SAME TIME?!"

Kaguya unsheathed a rather large kitchen knife, and a dangerous glint flashed across her eyes. "FETCH ME MY CARRIAGE AND A PACK OF WILD TERRIERS...WE'RE GOING ON A HUNT!!!"

* * *

_BAAAAAAAAAAANKAI:_

As the bullet tore through her forehead, C.C. wrapped her hand around Lelouch's, and whispered, "...Now...you shall have the power to fight..." Then, she crashed to the ground.

Lelouch's eyes widened as his body suddenly burst into light-blue flames, and as the flames dissipated, his student uniform was replaced with heavy black robes. In his right hand was a huge sword, and for some reason, Lelouch felt like he had been wielding the weapon all his life, despite the fact he had never even picked up a sword once before.

Turning to face the soldiers who had shot both the green-haired girl and his friend Suzaku, a single word was spoken from Lelouch's lips:

"BANKAI."

* * *

_Nina Ruins Everything:_

The gang was at Tianzi's wedding, and once again Nina was going into hysterics. She looked somewhat pretty in the dress, and without her glasses she looked even better. But, now that the crazy train was coming back, she was nothing more than a pain in the ass.

Suzaku let out a sigh and facepalmed. "My god," he said, "Can't we take Nina ANYWHERE without her ruining everything?!!"

Zero shook his head. "Bitch's got skills when it comes to ruining everyone's fun...fooshizzle..."

Suzaku had to agree with that.

* * *

_Mao, Mao (based after a comic on DevArt):_

"I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU COMPACT!!!" Mao cackled, waving the roaring chainsaw over C.C.'s head.

"Don't worry," she replied, "I got it handled!"

"...Huh?"

Then, before Mao's eyes, C.C. opened in half, folded in on herself, and twisted around until she had become a cube.

'T...T...TRANSFORMERS?!!!'


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. Nor any of the TV shows mentioned in this fic.

* * *

_Lelouch loves Nickelodeon:_

Lelouch was bored. So bored, in fact, that he decided to do something that would surely change the future of the entire world!

"I'm going down to the TV station, C.C..." Lelouch said as he headed out the door.

"Why?" C.C. asked.

Lelouch turned to face her, and he exclaimed, "I SHALL USE MY GEASS...AND FORCE THEM TO PUT 'HEY ARNOLD', 'ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE', 'REN & STIMPY' AND 'INVADER ZIM' BACK ON THE AIR!!!"

"...Good luck with that..."

And so, Lelouch was off!

* * *

_Invader Lelouch:_

As his fleet of Knightmare Frames neared the Britannian capital, Lelouch cackled, "Okay, C.C., our mission begins now! Let us rain some doom down upon the filthy heads of our doomed enemies!!!"

C.C.'s face lit up cheerfully. "I'M GONNA SING THE DOOM SONG NOW!!! DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM...DOOM DOOM!!!"

_6 MONTHS LATER...AND THEY STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN THERE FOR SOME REASON..._

"DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM-"

"C.C., will you PLEASE stop singing?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

"Geez..."

* * *

_She's A Pervert?!:_

Li Xingke could see how visibly frightened Tianzi was of the wedding. She was even shaking furiously.

Leaning down next to her, he said, "Listen, Tianzi-sama, I know you're afraid, but-"

When Tianzi turned to face him, however, Li Xingke saw she was shaking for a totally different reason; her cheeks were burning bright red, and a trail of blood was pouring out of her nose. She had a small whip in her hands, which she apparently was planning to use on Odysseus later.

"Y...Yes, Li Xingke?" she asked, a look of ecstasy on her face.

Li Xingke ran off in the opposite direction without another word.

* * *

_Movie Ad:_

In a world overrun by demons, aliens and scantily-clad prostitutes, only two men possess the skills needed to bring justice back into this unlawful land, and tap some ass while they're at it! Lots and lots of ass...heh heh heh...

ANYWAY!!!

These two men are known simply as...RIVALZ AND CLOVIS!!!

Rated PG.

* * *

_Amish Paradise:_

Picture the entire Code Geass cast dressed as Amish people. There you go.

* * *

_Cockblocking:_

"...Let us retire to my room..." Odysseus said to Tianzi, who reluctantly took his hand.

They had barely gotten down the hall, however, when Li Xingke suddenly flew out of nowhere and smashed his feet into Odysseus's face.

"COCKBLOCKING, BITCH!!" he shouted, before running off...

--

Lelouch had no idea why, but he had gone and used Geass to try and force a random girl to kiss him.

When their lips were only inches apart, however, Jeremiah suddenly ran in and used his Geass Canceler. With the Geass's effects now nullified, the random girl realized what was happening, and she slapped Lelouch across the face before running away in horror.

"COCKBLOCKIN'!!!" Jeremiah cackled, and then he vanished into the shadows, leaving Lelouch feeling quite peeved...

--

After Viletta had regained her memories, Kaname was afraid he would never see her again. Now that they were alone, they might finally be able to talk at least one last time.

"Viletta...I-"

Kaname looked down, and realized Viletta had shot him in the stomach.

"Cockblockin'!" she exclaimed before running out of the room, leaving Kaname to collapse onto the ground...

--

Lelouch couldn't believe it; Shirley was dead...and Rolo had killed her.

'HE...HE JUST COCKBLOCKED ME, DIDN'T HE?!' Lelouch realized, screaming into the skies.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_A Totally Badass Name:_

Charles zi Britannia stared with a deep expression as his wife Marianne cradled their newborn son in her arms.

Staring down at the baby, she asked her husband, "What...what shall we name him?"

Charles scratched his chin, and replied, "Well...he needs to have a name that is powerful, honest, rich...a name that will strike fear into entire nations! A name that will one day become a household commodity within the homes of the populace! A name that would beat the pants off any bastard who dares show him up!!! IT'S GOTTA BE TOTALLY BADASS!!!!!"

"I see...but what do we NAME him?"

"Oh, I dunno. Just call him 'Lelouch' or something..."

"Lelouch...? Are you FUCKIN' kidding me?"

"No...I think I had some cereal named 'Trix' or something once...made me think of 'Lelouch'. Anyway, I don't really care what you call him..."

"Neither do I...even if that IS a gay-ass name..."

And so, that was how Lelouch got his name!!

* * *

_Euphie's Secret Life:_

Cornelia li Britannia wasn't sure what to say. When she saw her beloved little sister, her beloved little Euphie, put on a long-haired black wig, a spiked collar, a 'Linkin Park' T-Shirt, torn black jeans, and dark eyeliner, Cornelia felt like something inside of her had just died.

'Oh god....Euphie, what's happened to you...?' Cornelia wondered, staring out the window. She watched as Euphemia climbed onto the back of some emo-looking kid's motorcycle, and the two of them drove off together into the darkness of the night...

(I kinda wanna use this plot for an actual crack-fic or something later...)

* * *

_Lelouch Is A Bitch:_

"I...I made this for you, master..." C.C. mumbled, holding out something that vaguely resembles pizza.

"BE QUIET!!!" Lelouch screamed, and he spun around and slapped C.C. across the face.

A few minutes later...

"WHO'S SLAPPING WHO NOW, BITCH?!! WHO'S SLAPPING WHO NOW?!!!"

"AAAAAAHHH!!! T...T...TAKE IT OUT OF MY ASS!! PLEASE!!! IT HURTS!!!!"

"NOOOOOO!!!! SUCK IT, BITCH!!!!"

"AAAAUUUUUGGHH!!! THE PAAAAAAAIN..."

* * *

_QUICKLY!!! GRAB THEM!!!:_

With Lelouch dead, Kallen knew there was only one thing left to do.

She turned to C.C. and shouted, "C.C., GRAB MY BOOBS!!!"

C.C. did as told. 'HONK!'

Then, Kallen flew off with C.C. in tow, leaving a rainbow trail in her wake.

"ADVENTURE~!!!!"

* * *

_Watching The Dub:_

"Alright, let's see what Adult Swim's got!!" Lelouch said, flipping on the TV.

He stared at the screen for about five minutes before he turned off the TV, and rubbed his eyes in pain.

'Why the hell did we talk so fast...?' he wondered.

* * *

_Nipple Slip:_

'Uh...oh...the fake blood isn't coming out...'

'This is bad...'

Suzaku had just "stabbed" Lelouch through the chest, which was when the fake blood would spurt out, and Lelouch would have successfully faked his own death. Unfortunately, there had been a malfunction at the last second. The entire crowd stared on in anticipation to see what would happen next.

"What do we do...?" Suzaku whispered.

"I dunno...I dunno..." Lelouch muttered back. He glanced around the area, seeing that everyone was watching them...and then he looked at Nunnally. Due to her sitting position, and the flimsy dress she wore, Lelouch was actually able to catch a small peek of his little sister's left nipple.

"AAHHH..." At that moment, a burst of blood spewed from Lelouch's nostrils, and he fell forward.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_They Killed Lelouch:_

"No, no, no!! Brother!!!" Nunnally weeped, burying her face into her brother's chest. He had just been killed as the final step of his master plan to bring peace.

As he watched Lelouch take his final breath, Tohdoh cried, "OH MY GOD!! THEY KILLED LELOUCH!!!"

"YOU BASTARDS!!!" Kallen screamed in fury.

* * *

_Lelouch Is A Sick Faggot:_

Kallen couldn't take it anymore. She just couldn't take it.

"STOP PEEING ON ME, DAMMIT!!!" she barked.

"...Sorry..." Lelouch quickly zipped his pants and ran out of the room.

'Goddammit...I never said I'd be his personal toilet...damn motherfucker...next time he tries it, I'm shooting him in the dick!'

* * *

_Won't The Real Zero Please Stand Up:_

Finding himself confronted by an army of devoted followers dressed as Zero, Lelouch could only do one thing:

"I'm the real Zero, yes, I'm the real Zero! All you other Zeroes are just imitating-"

Kallen slapped him in the back of the head to shut him up.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!!" Lelouch cried.

"You were gonna sing..." Kallen replied nonchalantly.

"...Ohhh..."

* * *

_A Secret Is Revealed:_

"Hey, Nunnally, can you grab me that bottle of ketchup, please?" Lelouch asked, glancing over his shoulder.

"Sure." climbing out of her wheelchair, Nunnally walked over to the counter, grabbed the ketchup bottle, and brought it over to Lelouch.

"Here you go."

"Thanks..."

After Lelouch took the bottle, Nunnally got back into her wheelchair, and let out a heavy sigh. 'I hate being handicapped...' she thought.

* * *

_Freak On A Leash:_

Lelouch glanced up from his magazine, and saw Suzaku walk by wearing only his underwear, and he wore various chains, leashes, and bondage gear attached all over his body.

"...Going to work as a man-whore again for some extra cash?" Lelouch asked.

Suzaku nodded.

Lelouch sighed and shook his head. "Good luck with that...freak..."

"You should talk...lolicon..."

"Touche..."

* * *

_Up The Butt:_

"I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT HERE AND NOW, FOLKS," Jeremiah exclaimed, "THE WEIRDEST THING TO EVER GO UP MY ASS WAS AN ORANGE!!!"

"...I'm not surprised," Lelouch replied with a roll of the eyes.

"I had a guy's tongue up MY ass!!" Gino remarked.

"WHAT ABOUT A PENIS?! I HAD A PENIS UP MINE...AND IT WAS YOURS!!!" Suzaku snapped back.

Kallen snickered. "I got you all beat...I HAD SHIRLEY'S HEAD UP MY ASS!!!!"

Everyone around her let out gasps of shock and horror. 'HOW...HOW DOES THAT WORK?!!!'

* * *

_The Reasons For Pairing Them Up:_

Lelouch was really getting pissed; for five days now, Suzaku had done nothing but bawl and sob over Euphemia's death.

"IF YOU'RE SO UPSET ABOUT IT, GO AND CRY WITH NINA AND CORNELIA!!!" Lelouch suggested in a rage.

Suzaku did as was ordered of him...and they ended up having a threesome, much to Lelouch's disgust.

'Goddammit...why do my ideas only turn out good for EVERYONE ELSE but me?!!' he wondered, drowning his sorrows in whisky.

* * *

_H!LY CR!P:_

"TAKE THIS!!!" Tearing open her jacket, C.C. revealed a large, glowing Wii that was censoring out her nipples.

"AAHHHH!!! THE LIGHT...IT BURNS US!!! IT BURNS US!!!" Lelouch screeched, falling to the floor as steam began to flow off his skin. He twitched violently a few times before dying.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. Nor any of the anime series parodied in these ridiculously short drabbles.

* * *

_Katekyo Hitman C.C. (A parody of the anime/manga series Katekyo Hitman REBORN, so this makes alot more sense if you know the 'REBORN' series):_

Lelouch Lamperouge really wasn't sure how to react when he found a talking, walking baby with long lime-green hair and a straitjacket at his doorstep.

"Uh...can I help you, little girl?" Lelouch asked nervously.

Suddenly, the strange baby pulled out a pistol, and aimed it at Lelouch's face. "My name is C.C.," she replied in a high-pitched voice, "And I'm here to train you to take over as the next Emperor of Britannia!"

"EHHHH?!!!"

"Now die."

"Whoa!! Hey, wait-"

C.C. pulled the trigger, and the bullet tore right into Lelouch's forehead. As he fell backwards, blood spurting from his wound, Lelouch began to think of all the things he had regretted not doing in life...

"GEASS!!!!"

Within an instant, Lelouch came back to life and his clothes burst off, leaving him in only his underwear, and now strange purple flames flowed from his eyeballs.

"I WILL DO EVERYTHING I WISHED TO DO AS IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!!" he exclaimed furiously before running off into the streets, still nearly-nude.

C.C. smirked, and blew away the trail of smoke flowing from the gun's barrel. 'He's gonna do just fine...'

* * *

_There Is A Way:_

Turning to face the large group of characters that had survived through both seasons of Code Geass, Lloyd flung his arms into the air and exclaimed, "I'VE...FIGURED OUT A WAY TO REVIVE LELOUCH!!!!"

Kallen gasped. "That's...that's not possible!!...Is it?"

"It is very possible, indeed," Lloyd replied, tapping his glasses, "We just require several objects..."

"What are these objects?" Jeremiah asked.

Lloyd smirked. "THEY ARE...THE SEVEN MYSTICAL DRAGON BALLS!!!!"

* * *

_No Longer A Midget-Man:_

Charles zi Britannia was eating breakfast when he noticed something odd.

Turning to one of the maids, he asked, "Umm...where is my brother?"

"Oh, uh...well, he's...err, in the gym...playing basketball..." The maid replied, seeming very nervous about something.

"Basketball?!!" Charles scoffed, "How the hell is that midget playing basketball?"

"Well..."

Suddenly, a figure stepped into the room. He was huge, about 7 feet tall or higher, and had amazing six-pack abs. The most shocking thing about this guy was because...it was actually just V.V.

"Hey, brother!!!" V.V. exclaimed happily, giving a thumbs-up.

In response, Charles immediately entered cardiac arrest.

* * *

_The Joke That Isn't Really A Joke:_

"Hey, Suzaku, I just thought of this HILARIOUS joke!" Lelouch exclaimed.

Suzaku sighed. "What is it? And can you also tell me why I'm always the wangsty one in these situations?"

Lelouch shook his head. "Look, just shut the fuck up and listen, okay? So...Gino is on a row-boat, in the middle of a sea of lava, eating a bacon sandwich with cavier sprinkled on top, and then a playpus pops its head out of his stomach and screams 'AIN'T LIFE GRAND?'...and that's the joke...funny, ain't it? It's so ironic, too..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Why do I even hang out with you again?"

* * *

_The Truth Is:_

Marianne hated lying to her child; she decided it was time to tell him the truth. "Lelouch...?"

"Yes, mommy?" Young Lelouch glanced up from his toys.

Marianne sighed. "Please don't call me 'mommy' anymore..."

Lelouch cocked his head to the side, and asked, "...Why not?"

Marianne took in a deep breath, closed her eyes, and said:

"Because I'm actually your father..."

---

_Several years later... _

"I WILL DESTROY BRITANNIA WITH MY OWN HANDS!!!! I SWEAR IT!!!!" Lelouch screamed to the heavens, acting like a man possessed.

* * *

_Heaven Hurts Like Hell:_

"This is for killing ME!!!" Diethard screamed, smashing his fist into Lelouch's stomach.

"And this," Clovis said, grabbing Lelouch by the hair and slamming his knee into the man's face, "is for killing ME!!!"

"THIS IS FOR KILLING ME!!!" Charles roared, forcing Lelouch to poke his eyes with his own fingers.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR KILLING US!!!" screamed a huge crowd of spirits all waiting for their chance to beat on Lelouch for five dollars every minute.

Lelouch had never figured that heaven would suck so much...


	26. Kallen The Snail

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Yeah, I moved this onto this fic so you can ALL enjoy it...

* * *

'Oh...oh god...I...I feel so sick...oh god...ugh...'

With her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach, Kallen Stadtfeld staggered through the blackened hallway, feeling sicker than she'd ever been. Every part of her body was aching like hell, and her head was pounding like crazy. She tried to keep her eyes focused, but everything was becoming distorted with every slow step she took. The bile was rising in her throat, and there was no way to push it down.

Unable to take it any longer, Kallen lurched forward and vomited. However, she immediately realized that this was not ordinary vomit. For one thing, it came out as huge, grayish mass of flem and strange bubble-like bulges covering it. Just staring at the large glob on the floor made Kallen feel even worse. Before she could do anything else, however, even more vomit began spewing from her mouth, and this time some of it dripped out of her nostrils as well. Her legs giving in, Kallen fell to her knees, the pile of vomit in front of her now nearly up to her chest.

'What...what's happening to me...?' Kallen could feel everything around her begin to slow, like she had been caught in some sort of strange time-freeze. She attempted to move her arms, only to find them fastened to her body. Looking down, Kallen saw that they weren't stuck; her arms had actually infused themselves into her sides, leaving her armless. Her body simply jiggled violently when she attempted to make any movement with what had once been her arms.

Kallen opened her mouth to scream in horror, only to puke again. She heard something tear, and she looked over her shoulder...and saw a spiralled shell emerging from her back. It was a pale-brown color, and just seeing it made tears pour down Kallen's slimy cheeks. Her eyes began to swell and grow outwards into stalks, and her head, neck, legs, and torso all became one. As this horrid transformation continued, all of Kallen's emotions, all of her thoughts and feelings, began to simply disappear, leaving her completely mindless and unaware of her original existence as a human being. Slime and mucus spewed out from the bulbous pours forming on her light-green skin. The shell became wider and larger, doing all it can to accommodate the beast's exploding growth.

In a matter of minutes, Kallen had gone from a slightly normal teenage girl...to an over-sized gastropod. Even worse, it was growing larger with every passing second. As Kallen's shoulder-length crimson-red hair sunk into the swollen, greasy flesh, the last trace of her human side was now gone. She had no more humanity, no more intelligence, no more anything...except the natural instinct to survive.

It didn't really help that it was soon being drawn by the glowing, majestic scenery of the nearby city, only a few miles from the academy, either...


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: ....I'm sorry, everyone. I just...I just can't do this anymore........................................BUT I WILL ANYWAY!!!!

Does that make any sense?

* * *

_A Typical Menstrual Cycle in the Code Geass crack-universe..._

When Kallen Stadtfeld woke up that morning, the last thing she expected was to find was a large blood stain forming in the middle of his panties. Yet...there it was. In fact, some of the blood was beginning to leek out over her thighs and onto the bed sheets. Kallen gasped loudly.

'OH, JEEZ...I'M MENSTRUATING!!!! AND...IT'S REALLY FLOWING OUT THIS TIME!!! HOLY CRAP...IT...IT WON'T STOP!!!!'

Climbing out of bed, Kallen rushed to her make-up counter in hopes of finding some tampons. Unfortunately, she had used up the last of them a few weeks ago. Looking down, Kallen cringed as more and more blood began to pour out of her pussy and roll down her legs, forming a puddle of the red liquid underneath her very feet. It was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen. She couldn't believe that so much blood was coming out all at once. Kallen began to worry just how much blood she had in her body; she could seriously die of blood-loss if she didn't do something quick!!

'I need to find tampons...NOW!!' Kallen thought, tossing on some clothes before rushing out the door, leaving a trail of blood in her wake. As she ran down the hallway, she could feel herself growing weaker and weaker. Her legs were completely drenched in her own blood, and her skin was beginning to lose its color. Kallen wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out. She was losing almost pounds worth of blood with every passing minute now. Groaning in pain, Kallen collapsed onto her knees. She didn't even have enough energy to move anymore.

'I...I can't die like this,' she thought as her eyesight began to fade, 'I...I...I can't die all because of my own body's natural habits...can I?'

Then, without enough blood to support them, Kallen's vital organs ceased to function, and she fell face-forward into the growing crimson puddle.

THE LESSON HERE IS: ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO HAVE A SPARE TAMPON WITH YOU!!!!


	28. Really Short Chapter About A Conspiracy

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

...............................................O_O...............................................I'm starting to think this might be true...

* * *

After having watched a variety of different yuri anime and porn flicks, Lelouch had come to a conclusion.

"Japan has a thing for mocking Christianity, doesn't it...?"

Suzaku glanced up from his novel. "What?"

"Look, it's like this," Lelouch explained, "Haven't you noticed how alot of this popular girl-on-girl stories seem to take place at CATHOLIC schools? As well as sex and perversion and so-called pastors raping young girls and boys? It always has to do with Catholic Boarding Schools...!! It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!!! I mean...Strawberry Panic makes no fuckin' sense at all!"

Suzaku gasped, slammed his book shut, and his eyes grew so wide that Kallen's ass could not even compare. "...I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT."

"So what do we do?!!" Lelouch asked, fully prepared to fight against all odds.

Suzaku opened his book again and continued to read. "We do...nothing."

"RIGHT-O!!!!"


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Got the idea off a comic.

* * *

**_Lelouch's Mind Reading Skills Need Some Work_**

Letting out an annoyed grunt, Lelouch leaned back in his chair. Suzaku was sitting nearby, his head buried deep into an erotic novel he was reading. It was summertime, and he and Suzaku were spending a month together at one of the Britannian family beach resorts...ALONE. WITH NO ONE ELSE BUT EACH OTHER. AND THEY'RE BOTH MEN WITH SEXUAL ORGANS THAT KALLEN HAS NOT TORN OFF YET OUT OF PURE PMS-RELATED PISSINESS....

...and not too far away, you could hear the fangirls squeeing.

"Argh, this vacation is so boring! We should have brought some hookers with us when we came here...like, Shirley and Milly or something...or Viletta...or my sister..." Lelouch muttered under his breath.

Tossing the book over his shoulder, Suzaku reached out and gently placed a hand on Lelouch's thigh. "Well, if you're THAT bored, we could...always try something new."

"What?" Lelouch raised an eyebrow.

Suzaku smirked as he leaned in closer, his hot breath brushing against the nape of Lelouch's neck, causing the hairs to stand on end. "We're not little kids anymore, Lelouch...we're academy students. It's perfectly natural to...to experiment a little, you know? Do you get my drift?"

Lelouch gasped, and his entire face became as red as a tomato as he stammered, "Ah! Y-You don't mean...!! The t-two of us, and...and...!!"

"Heh," Suzaku couldn't help but break out into a wide grin, "You read my mind, baby..."

------------------------

Suzaku let out a heavy sigh, and facepalmed. "Actually, I think you're mind-reading skills could use some work..."

Glancing up from the hole he had begun to dig into his mother's grave, Lelouch snapped, "Just shut the hell up and help me dig, will you? My mom's corpse isn't going to sexually assault itself, you know!!!"

"...Hand me a shovel..."


	30. The Parade pt 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Somewhat based after the parade scene from the anime movie Paprika...

This is totally weird crap I just thought up, and it involves a giant freakshow parade being controlled by a gigantic, obese C.C...gotta love it...

But, C.C. will only be prominent in part 2 of this epic crack tale! READ IT...AND REVIEW, PLEASE!!!!

* * *

When Lelouch Lamperouge opened his eyes, he found himself standing in the middle of an empty street. Huge skyscrapers loomed down upon him, as if they could collapse at any moment. The sky was clear, and the sun was shining brightly, almost too brightly. There was not a single sound to be heard. All was silent.

'...What the hell? Where am I? What am I doing? Wasn't I at school just a moment ago?' Lelouch wondered, looking around wildly. He took only two steps forward, before freezing on the spot. Standing there by the entrance of an alleyway, only a few feet from his position, was Kallen Stadtfeld. She had a wide, unnaturally happy grin on her face, and she was beckoning him over with a wave of her hand.

"...Kallen? Is that you?" Lelouch asked, "What...what are you doing?"

Kallen said nothing in response, and began running down the alleyway, letting loose a high-pitched giggle as she skipped away. Gasping, Lelouch quickly chased after her. However, upon exiting out of the other end of the alleyway, Lelouch had lost sight of Kallen. Looking around breathlessly, Lelouch called out to Kallen several times, only to be met with silence. Lelouch sighed in defeat and was about to head back down the alleyway...when music suddenly began to play. It was a mix of drums, trumpets, flutes, violins, pianos, and various other instruments all meshed together in a poor fashion.

Lelouch raised his head, and saw a large crowd of people begin to appear from around the corner of one of the buildings...but then he realized that those weren't people he was looking at. At least, not wholly.

'What...the...fuck?!'

The first thing he saw was a creature that resembled Euphemia Li Britannia, only it had the head and torso of the pink-haired girl, while the arms and legs had been replaced with that of a giant spider's. Ten more of this same monstrosity followed, some of them laying small eggs with Suzaku's face onto the floor as they were walking. These eggs then hatched, and several mice with Kallen's hair style came crawling out, squeaking all the way.

For a moment, Lelouch wondered if he had been taking LSD or meth or something lately. If he wasn't, he certainly wished he was, because this was just too fucked up to understand unless you were high, and even then he would probably still be confused by it all.

Soon, Lelouch saw levitating corridors, STOP signs with hairy human legs, and giant flying gates with white-feathered wings, and the members of the Knights of Round had become walking drumsticks, and several miniature Suzakus were leaping through the air and doing spin-kicks ever so elegantly. There was a plate of flan with glasses and a lab coat, which Lelouch figured was supposed to represent Lloyd Asplund. There was a stick with orange hair, giant boobs and two sticks of butter for legs, and Milly Ashford, who looked completely normal. Four Rivalz Cardemondes with wolf ears and tails were riding atop of giant balls, juggling spiked bricks. There was a weeping desk that was drenched in female bodily fluids, and two dancing sausages who humped everything they came across. There was Lelouch's father, who, while riding atop the head of a polka-dotted T-Rex, laughed joyously as he tore open his own chest, and several rabbits with butterfly wings came flying out.

Lelouch couldn't even believe what he was seeing...and, of course, that was completely understandable.

Luciano Bradley was swiping away tiny helicopters that hovered around him as he slid along with his snail-like appendages. There were several Rolos all at once, all of them dressed in different everyday job attire, ranging from fireman to plumber to chef. Blood spewed everywhere as an emo Cornelia sliced her own neck open. Multitudes of bird species with Nunnally's head filled the skies. There was a pale, dying Kallen bleeding from her vagina, and a happy, bloated Kallen sucking on a massive dick that had emerged from her crotch. There was an over-muscular Shirley, and Guilford made out of jelly. There was a robotic Marianne, who fired lasers out of her eyes as raw bananas were pooped out of her mechanical buttocks. Gino Weinberg was busy shoving his penis inside Anya's ass, who in response was bashing the blonde man over the head with a tuna fish wrapped in bamboo strips. There was also an i-pod wearing overalls.

Finally, at the very end of the parade, sitting upon a huge living chair of Kallens, smiling proudly as she drank a large glass jug of pizza juice, was the enigmatic green-haired beauty C.C...and she was HUGE.

Lelouch's mouth fell agape. 'JESUS BRITANNIAN CHRIST...SHE REALLY LET HERSELF GO!!!'


	31. The Parade pt 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

PART 2 OF THE PARADE!!!! It doesn't even make any sense anymore, because when it gets too crazy, I can't even write good dialogue anymore...sorry...

* * *

C.C. was impossibly huge, basically resembling about 20 tons of sagging flesh with green hair on top. She let out a loud chuckle as she dumped a carton of pizzas into her gaping mouth, swallowing it all in a single gulp. Her "walking chair" was actually several Kallen Stadtfelds in bondage gear, all of them struggling with great pain to keep the obese girl lifted over their heads. Her fat belly could barely be contained within her straitjacket, which tore apart a little bit more with every shuddered breath she took. Two of the Kallens in the back were happily shoving their faces up C.C.'s massive ass cheeks as they carried her. Lelouch's mouth fell agape in horror.

'Alright...NOW I KNOW I'M DEFINITELY DREAMING!!!' the black-haired boy thought to himself. A 10-foot-tall V.V. with long skinny arms and legs passed by, not even glancing down at Lelouch, who simply ran through the opening between his lanky legs as he made his way towards C.C. Lelouch practically had to charge his way through the massive crowd, pushing over anyone who stood in path, including the weeping desk and the walking photo of Euphemia that was dripping in semen. He had to speak with C.C., no matter what. The clear blue sky filled with laser beams as several Knightmare Frames piloted by collie puppies flew overhead. Confetti and banner strips were raining down upon them. The giant parade was growing larger with every passing second.

'Maybe...maybe C.C. can help me wake up from this horribly disturbing dream!!!' Lelouch figured as he drew closer to the gigantic girl. C.C. threw her head back and let loose a mighty belch, causing her straitjacket to snap apart, leaving her completely nude. She looked like a giant pudding cup made out of human skin, and it wasn't a pretty sight to see. The Kallens carrying her screeched in joy, and began feeling their "queen" up and down in a sexual manner, licking their lips lustfully as their fingers sunk deeper and deeper into her fat folds. The music was growing louder and louder. The streets began to fill with blood and mustard. Lelouch still wasn't about to give up, though.

Leaping over a decapitated Schneizel, Lelouch shouted at the top of his lungs, "C.C...I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!"

C.C. glanced up. "...Who dare call my name?"

"IT'S ME!!!" Lelouch waved over to her, "IT'S ME...LELOUCH!!!!"

The entire parade came to an immediate stop, and an eerie silence befell them. Lelouch stopped in his tracks. He looked once to the right, and he looked once to the left. No one was moving any longer. Their eyes had been replaced with empty dark circles. It was like someone had pulled out the plug that kept them moving. The only one seemingly still alive was C.C., who scoffed before belching loudly again.

"Lelouch? You say that you're...Lelouch?" C.C. asked. She slowly ran a hand along her fifth chin, and gave it a little jiggle.

Lelouch nodded. "Yes...I am Lelouch Lamperouge...!!!"

"Hmph, that's strange..." C.C. muttered to herself.

"What's strange?"

"Oh, it's just..you know..." C.C. shrugged, "Lelouch is dead...because I ate him..."

Lelouch's face fell. "YOU...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!!!"

"Hey...you looked really delicious...and I got really fat after devouring you whole...so it kinda evens out in the end, doesn't it?"

At that instant, something deep within Lelouch's subconsciousness awakened, and all hell broke loose.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!!!!!"

Lelouch's face tore in half, and a giant cat head emerged and unleashed a mighty nuclear eruption, destroying everything in the blink of an eye...

* * *

"...GEEZUS KRIST!!!"

Li Xingke sat up in bed, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. He tried to comprehend what he had just dreamt, but it hurt his brain trying to even think about it. He figured it would just be better to forget about it all, because it would definitely ruin his life if he tried to figure out a deeper meaning to it all.

'Man...I need to stop eating raw onions so much before bed...' he thought to himself before cuddling up underneath the covers once again. Wrapping his arms around his lover Odysseus's waist, Li Xingke slowly drifted back to sleep.


	32. This Chapter was once a Fic

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

25-year-old Shirley Fenette had an expression of pure rage on her beautiful face as she stormed into the police station. Following close behind was her 5-year-old son, who had both his mother's eye color and hair color, but the facial features of his father. Unlike his mother, the little boy wasn't particularly effected by the situation at hand. He just kept his wide eyes glued to his Nintendo DS as he played a Super Mario game. After all, this tended to happen almost three times a week...sometimes more.

Shirley walked up to the front desk and slammed her hands on the counter, causing the police officer to finally glance up from his porno mag. "WHERE," Shirley snarled through clenched teeth, "IS...MY...HUSBAND?"

The policeman had a very stupid expression on his face as he dimly replied, "...Whuh?"

"WHERE IS MY NO-GOOD, DUMB-ASSED PIECE OF SHIT OF A HUSBAND?!!!" Shirley screeched, grabbing the horrified officer by the shirt and shaking him back and forth in a violent manner. Several other officers had to rush over to subdue her. Once Shirley finally calmed down, the chief of the station personally offered to take her over to the small jail cell where her husband was currently staying.

"So...what did that idiot do this time?" Shirley asked, heaving a heavy sigh. Her son was still following closely by her side.

The chief didn't look rather pleased either. "He held up a line at a small pharmacy with a shotgun because the lady in front of him was taking too long to buy her medication..."

Shirley sighed again, and smacked her palm against her forehead. "...AGAIN?!"

"He's quite the stubborn one..."

"Tell me about it! He once tried SHOVING the birth-control pills down my throat when I refused to take them...but we ended up with this kid, anyway..." Shirley motioned down towards her wayward son. The chief nodded, although he still didn't quite get it. After walking for a good five minutes, they finally reached their destination. Shirley placed her hands on her hips and glared angrily past the cell bars at her husband, who was lying on the floor, staring straight back at her.

"...So, you just had to do it again, did you?" Shirley questioned, attempting to keep control over the inner rage flowing throughout her nervous system.

Her husband didn't seem to get the hint. "Hey, I was trying to get the medicine for you, okay? I was just-"

"NO EXCUSES, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" Shirley screeched at the top of her lungs, "YOU KEEP HUMILIATING ME LIKE THIS, AND I'M SENDING YOU TO LIVE WITH YOUR BROTHER LELOUCH!!!!"

Shirley's husband, Rolo Lamperouge, let out a gasp of unparalleled horror. "Oh my god! Anything but that!! I used to like the guy back when I was a kid, but now...geez, I can barely even stand the sight of him anymore!! Please don't make me have to share a fuckin' trailer home with him!!! I beg of you, Shirley!!! He's almost a frickin' hobo now!!! His fat old green-haired wife smells like old pizza, and she keeps about twenty mangy old cats all around the house!! Lelouch hasn't even held a decent job for the last ten years, and he's about 30 pounds overweight now, with terrible fashion sense to boot!! Plus, the toilet seat there is way too small for my behind! I don't mean to brag, but I have a nice behind, and it cannot be seated upon a seat so small as that!! Do you understand?!!! Look deep into your heart, and be merciful, I beg of you!!!!"

"Then stop pointing your big, scary guns at little old ladies, you perverted piece of shit!!" Shirley snapped back. During this little bout, the chief had placed his burly hands over the boy's ears so as to protect him from the "spouting of bad language". The boy himself, however, didn't once look up from his Nintendo DS as of yet.

Sighing heavily, Rolo pinched the brdige of his nose as he said, "Okay, then...I promise, as long as you don't force me to stay over at Lelouch's, I'll never threaten to bust a cap up a 70-year-old woman's wrinkly old ass ever again...really...I promise...I'M SERIOUS..."

Shirley squinted. "...You sure?"

"YES, I SAID I PROMISED, GODDAMMIT!!! NOW TAKE ME HOME, SO I DON'T MISS THE NEW EPISODE OF 'THE OC' THAT'S ON TONIGHT!!!!"

Feeling victorious, Shirley turned to the chief, and nodded. "Alright, you can let him out now, officer! He's a changed man...or at least, he will be for the next 24 hours!"

"Uh...I know you were hoping you could sneak past it this time, but you're still gonna have to pay the bail...it's about 50 dollars, give or take..." The chief replied matter-of-factly. Shirley's son chuckled under his breath.

Shirley cursed under her breath. 'Argh...the system's always keepin' me down...'

"LET'S PICK UP SOME KFC ON THE WAY HOME, TOO!!" Rolo added.

Shirley cursed under her breath again. She hated KFC more than anything; it always went straight to her thighs...


	33. Geass Eye For The Straight Guy

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

Suzaku couldn't believe it. How was he losing in a fist fight against Kallen?! Girls aren't supposed to be physically superior to men in any shape or form!!! Blood spewed from his mouth as Kallen landed several punches at once against his stomach. Groaning in pain, Suzaku staggered backwards, almost about ready to collapse. However, he still had some fight left in him.

'I...I can't be beaten,' Suzaku thought as Kallen's fist connected with his jaw, shattering it, 'I...I...I have a shred of pride still left in my ego that I must protect with my life!!!'

He blinked once, and he finally caught sight of an opening. Curling his fist into a ball, Suzaku swung...and smashed it straight into Kallen's belly. For a moment, there was silence, neither person daring to move a muscle. Then...there was a splash, and Suzaku saw a puddle of water had now formed underneath Kallen's feet. Suzaku's face cringed in disgust, and Kallen opened her mouth in speechless horror.

"You...you broke my water..." Kallen stammered, her face pale.

Suzaku winced. "I'm...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to-"

"NOW I'M GOING TO GIVE BIRTH TO AN UNDERDEVELOPED FETUS!!!!" Kallen screeched furiously.

"OH, SHIT!!!"

"OH, FUCK!!!"

"OH, SCHWEITZER-DOFF!!!"

"OH...What did you just say?"

"...Nothing..."

Euphemia poked her head in from off-screen. "I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!!!!"

Suddenly, Kallen's stomach ripped open, and a chestburster flew out. It let out a high-pitched squeal before it quickly scampered across the floor and out the door. Her eyes rolling to the back of her head, Kallen fell to the ground, dead.

"...Huh..."

Shrugging his shoulders, Suzaku took out a granola bar and began to eat it...


	34. A Very Popular Desk

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

**_The Most Popular Desk In The Universe_**

Once again, in the middle of the night, Nina Einstein found the need to masturbate to imagery of her lovely Princess Euphemia. Of course, being a dignified young lady, she couldn't simply use her own fingers to jerk off; instead, she snuck out of her room and made her way through the school to her 'Special Desk', as she called it. As she scampered down the hallway, she bit her lower lip as she fought back all urges to masturbate by hand. Several times her fingers would slide down near her crotch, but she'd quickly pull back just before it went any further.

'Argh...must...get...to...Special Desk...NOW!!!' Why she was speaking like that, and in her own head for god's sake, is entirely irrelevant to the story.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Nina reached her destination; classroom 108. She kicked open the door and just began pulling off her panties when she glanced up...and saw that Milly Ashford was humping her 'Special Desk'.

"M-MILLY!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING...?!!!" Nina screeched at the top of her lungs, despite the fact that this would most likely wake up the entire student body....well, it would have, but the entire student body and then some were already in the classroom, waiting. They all looked like they needed to masturbate or something. Nina's right eye began to twitch violently.

"Hey, shut the hell up and wait your goddamn turn!!" Lelouch Lamperouge snapped from somewhere in the large crowd. C.C. and Kallen were standing close behind him, looking rather distressed.

"Yeah! We were all here first!" Viletta Nu shouted, "Get in the back of the line and be patient like everyone else!!!"

"THAT'S RIGHT!! OBEY MY LAWS...BITCH!!!" Charles zi Britannia added in. He was wearing Hello Kitty pajamas, just so you know.

Sighing, Nina walked over to the back of the line, where some guy with white hair, giant headphones and a purple visor was standing. Looking around, Nina realized that she hardly recognized about half of the people here.

'Damn...this must be one popular desk!!'

"You better believe it!" replied the white-haired man with a chuckle, and Nina was left speechless.


	35. Kallen's Ultimate Harem

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: I actually forgot that she's supposed to actually be in love for Lelouch, and not any of the female characters...heh heh heh...she's beyond tomboy and verging on butch, I tell ya!

So...here's some Kallen X Harem crap...

* * *

**_IF I COULD HAVE THE DRAGONBALLS..._**

Kallen Stadtfeld couldn't help but burst out laughing. She had never thought that life could be so grand. For some reason she was wearing only her lingerie, and she was sitting on a large golden throne.

"...What's so funny, mistress?" C.C. asked as she laid her head upon Kallen's lap. She was wearing a skimpy French Maid outfit.

"Oh, oh it's nothing...nothing at all...I'm just happy to have you here with me..." Kallen purred. She leaned over and planted a tiny kiss on C.C.'s forehead, who giggled happily in response. She was Kallen's favorite girl.

"Hey, mistress, what about us?!!" Shirley and Milly cried in unison, both of them dressed up as catgirls. Kallen smirked and ordered them over with a small wave of her hand. Without hesitation, the two girls scampered over and sat down on the arms of the throne as they both began to seductively lick Kallen's cheeks, taking in the taste of her salty sweat. Kallen reached out and gave Shirley's left breast a nice grope, chuckling at how soft it felt in between her fingers. C.C. stared on with obvious jealousy in her eyes. She wanted her beloved Mistress Kallen all to herself!

So, to make up for it, C.C. pressed her face into Kallen's crotch and began licking against the fabric of the red-haired girl's panties. Kallen groaned in pleasure, and Shirley and Miley began to play with their mistress's breasts as they continued to kiss her over and over. Everything was becoming red...

Anya, who was dressed like a slave girl, suddenly came running into the room, and announced, "Mistress, we have brought a new member of your ever-expanding all-female harem for you!!"

"Is she a virgin?"

"Yes!!"

"Oh, really?" Kallen asked as the three girls continued to feel her all over, "Bring her in! I've been dying to try out someone new lately these days!!! I'm tired of used pussy!"

Shirley, Milly and C.C. all tossed her nasty glares, but Kallen just shrugged them off. Ever since her harem had started, she had grown much more egotistical and materialistic. As long as she could got to fuck a fresh girl every few weeks, she was happy, though. Anya looked over to Viletta and Rakshata, and nodded to them. Nodding back, the two girls pushed Euphemia Li Britannia into the room, and the pink-haired girl let out a shriek as she fell to the floor. She had been stripped bare naked earlier on. Just staring at the girl's hard tits was making Kallen feel incredibly horny.

"Hey there...cutey..." Kallen purred, licking her lips.

-------------------------

--------------------------

------------------------

--------------------

---------------------

---------------------

--------------------

----------------

-------------

---------

-------

--------------

"...And that's what I'd wish for if I collected all 7 Dragonballs!" Kallen proclaimed.

Lelouch and Suzaku both stared at her like she was crazy, while C.C., Milly and Shirley ran off in fear for their lives.


	36. The Pizza Allergy

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass, the series that has spawned this piece of offensive shit that I've so poorly written.

A/N: Next two chapters are most likely parodies/crossovers unless I think of something better...Geassmin (Pikmin parody) and then Light Yagami of Death Note fame matches wits with Lelouch, Kallen tries to rape Misa and L falls in love with a certain pizza girl!

Maybe I'll have Lelouch's crack-spawned daughter reappear, too...

(Not in this order, of course...)

* * *

**_THE MOST TERRIBLE THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN THE HISTORY OF GEASSDOM!!!_**

Lelouch Lamperouge glanced at his wristwatch as he stood across from the door to C.C.'s bedroom. When Lelouch had gone to see the green-haired girl earlier that same day, he had found her confined to bed, terribly ill. That was when he called the school doctor to come over and inspect her. Almost an hour had passed since that had taken place. Lelouch sighed; he knew that C.C. couldn't die due to her immortality, but it would be a shame if she had to be sick during one of his many attacks on the Britannian forces.

'C'mon...hurry up already...'

As if answering his mental demands, the door swung open, and the doctor came walking out, his hands buried deep in his pockets. He had an expression on his face like as if he had just seen a ghost. Lelouch didn't pay it any mind, however. Of course, in about two minutes or so, he'll learn exactly what it is that has horrified this poor man so much.

"So...what's the problem? Cold? Flu? Stomach virus? Tapeworm? Meningitis? Cancer?" Lelouch asked.

The doctor shook his head. "No, it's not that...it's worse. It's much, much worse...this is so bad, we'll most likely all end up being wiped out in a few days...we're doomed, I tell you...doomed..."

"Just what the hell is wrong with her?" Lelouch raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose, and shut his eyes tightly. "Your friend, C.C...she is developed a sudden allergy to pizza...I do not know how to explain it, but she is now unable to eat pizza any longer without fear of possibly suffering a terrible allergy attack..."

'...C.C. loves pizza more than the lives of millions of Japanese, for christ's sake...'

Lelouch was silent for a moment, allowing the information to sink in, and then he brust out laughing. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! THAT...THAT'S A GOOD ONE!!! HA HA HA HA!!! OH...OH MY GOD!!! I-I THOUGHT YOU R-REALLY HAD ME THERE FOR A M-MOMENT!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA," the doctor's expression remained full of fear, and that same fear began to creep up within Lelouch's soul, "Ha...ha ha ha ha...ha ha...ha ha ha...oh my god, you're fucking serious, aren't you...?"

The doctor nodded. "We're all doomed, brutha...we're all doomed...so we might as well make the best of it..." After saying that, the doctor began to unbutton his pants.

Lelouch cringed. 'OH...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-'

Suddenly, From within C.C.'s room, something akin to a lion's roar and a banshee scream mixed together cut loose, shaking the very foundation of the building. The doctor quickly ran off without another word, while Lelouch's skin became pale and he collapsed to his knees. It was like he had just been told that his left kidney had exploded. Heavy streams of tears leaked down his cheeks.

'Mother...father...please allow me to go to heaven when I die...' he thought solemnly.

The bedroom door swung open, and C.C. came walking out, wearing a white T-shirt and large baggy pants. She looked absolutely livid. She was clutching her beloved Cheese-kun under her armpit. For a moment, Lelouch's heart stopped.

"LELOUCH..." C.C. snarled in an unnaturally demonic voice.

Lelouch's right eye began to twitch violently. "Y-Yes, C.C...?"

"I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EAT PIZZA ANYMORE...?"

Lelouch shook his head. "N-N-N-N-N-No, C.C...you're allergic to it now..."

C.C. clutched at her face and screamed at the top of her lungs ,"..........................................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The world snapped in half, and everyone died...except for Rivalz, because God knows he'll suffer more being alive than dead.


	37. Geassmin

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

**_GEASSMIN_**

Ever since Captain Lelouch first landed on this strange grassy planet, he had been making one amazing discovery after another. On his first day there, he had come across a small, red plant-like creature with shoulder-length red hair and a penchant for whacking its head against anything it could get its tiny hands on. It was also able to walk through flames without burning itself, which Lelouch found to be quite useful. He decided to name this odd little being 'Kallen'. With the help of his Geass, Lelouch was easily able to take over its primitive mind.

A few days later, he found another species that was very similar in appearance to Kallen, yet it was blue and had scruffy brown hair. It seemed to share a regularly alternating love-hate relationship with him, and it could walk through water without drowning, so Lelouch named the little creature 'Suzaku'. He thought it was kinda cute how the little blue plant-being always tried to stab him in the chest with a stick for some reason, too. Once again, Lelouch used his Geass to control it.

Near the end of the month, Lelouch found three more plant-like species; one of them was yellow with big ears, another was smaller than the others and a pale white, while the last on was purple and fat. Lelouch easily came up with names for them: 'Gino', 'Rolo' and 'Charles zi Britannia'.

With this army of little creatures on his side, all of them under the hypnosis of his Geass, Lelouch knew without a fact that he'd be able to conquer this strange new world, and make it into a magnificant utopia where he shall reign as emperor!!!

---And that's the basic summary of the game.


	38. MILFS, Diapers, and Rap Parodies

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. Nor do I own more Eminem rap parodies that I make. Raps are so easy to mess around with, especially ones with so many lyrics like Eminem's.

* * *

**_RANK UP!!!_**

"Viletta! Viletta! Great news!!!" Kaname Ohgi exclaimed as he ran into the kitchen, where Viletta was busy feeding her newborn son.

"What is it, darling?" Viletta asked.

Kaname pulled out a letter from his pocket. "It says that as thanks for all of your valiant efforts, the Britannian army has officially raised your rank!!!"

Viletta nearly jumped for joy, but didn't so as to keep the baby steady. "Oh my god, really?!! That's great!!! I've waited so many years to hear this news!!!"

"Yeah...you're no longer an ordinary solider...you're a MILF!!!" Kaname proclaimed, holding out the letter; it did indeed say that her new ranking title was now 'MILF'.

Viletta sighed.

* * *

**_DIAPER PROBLEMS_**

Kallen, Suzaku, Rolo, Gino, C.C., Nina, Anya, Rivalz and Nunnally were all sitting together in a room when Lelouch suddenly barged in. He then held up a large diaper with a noticeable pee stain. It also reeked of shit.

"ALRIGHT...WHO LEFT THIS IN MY ROOM, GODDAMMIT?!!! Not that I really mind, but...STILL!!!"

Everyone turned their heads away...although it was still obvious who the diaper belonged to.

Lelouch punched Nunnally in the head. "Sick bitch!!!" Nunnally let out a shriek as her brother continued to beat on her.

Kallen let out a sigh of relief. 'Phew...I thought he realized it was me for a second there...'

"LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE, MUDDAFUGGA!!!" Suzaku roared, smashing his foot into Lelouch's testicles, shattering them with a single hit.

* * *

**_We Made You_**

Lelouch (Rises from the grave) - "Guess Who...You Miss Me?"

"C.C., sing the chorus!!!"

C.C. –  
(CHORUS)  
"When you walked through the door  
It was clear to me (clear to me)  
You're the one they adore, who they came to see (who they came to see)  
You're a … wannabe emperor (baby)  
Everybody wants you (everybody wants you)  
Bishie… Who can really blame you (who can really blame you)  
We're the ones who (chicka) made you!!!"

*cough, cough*

(VERSE ONE)  
Lelouch - "Back by popular demand  
Now pop a little Pizza Hut or Geass Canceller if you can  
You're ready to tackle any task that is at hand  
How does it feel, is it fantastic, is it grand?  
Well look at all the massive masses in the stands  
Lulu man… no don't massacre the fans  
Damn, I think Cornelia li Britannia's a man  
She stomped Guilford just cause he asked to put his hands  
On her massive Gluteus maximus again!  
Squeeze it, then Squish it, then pass it to her friend!  
Can he come back as nasty as he can!  
Yes he can, can, don't ask me this again!  
He does not mean to lesbian offend!  
But, Kallen, please come back to seeing men!  
Shirley's a 2, You're practically a 10!!!  
I know you want me girl,  
In fact I see your grin  
(Now come in girl)!!!"

(CHORUS)  
C.C. - "When you walked through the door  
It was clear to me (clear to me)  
You're the one they adore, who they came to see (who they came to see)  
You're a … wannabe emperor (baby)  
Everybody wants you (everybody wants you)  
Bishie… Who can really blame you (who can really blame you)  
We're the ones who made you!!"

(VERSE TWO)  
Lelouch - "Mr. Zero, looking for more women to torture,  
Walk up to the cutest girl and hypnotize her,  
Sorry, Nina, but what's Princess Euphemia  
Have that I don't, are you telling me tenderness?  
Well I can be as gentle and as smooth as a gentleman,  
Give me my ventolin bong and 2 orange sodas,  
And I'll invite Kaguya out to dinner then!!  
Nail her, 'Baby, say hello to my little friend'!!!  
Then I'll get arrested, but let's cut off the middle man!  
Forget him or your gonna end up in the hospital again!  
And this time it won't be for the Pizza binge,  
Forget them other men, girl pay them little atten-tion,  
A little did I mention, that Milly's in-  
Love with me, Rivalz Cardemonde,so sit on the bench  
Man I swear them other guys you give 'em an inch!  
They take a mile, they got style, but it isn't Lamperouge!

(CHORUS)  
C.C. - "When you walked through the door  
It was clear to me (clear to me)  
You're the one they adore, who they came to see (who they came to see)  
You're a … wannabe emperor (baby)  
Everybody wants you (everybody wants you)  
Bishie… Who can really blame you (who can really blame you)  
We're the ones who made you!!"

(VERSE THREE)  
Lelouch - "And that's why… my love  
You'll never live without,  
I know you want me, girl, cause I can mind-fuck you all out,  
And baby, you know, you know you want me too,  
Don't try to deny it baby, I'm the only one for you..."

(Fart)

"Damn girl I'm beginning to spout another British hate speech  
Why should I wash my filthy mouth out!  
You think that's bad you should hear the rest of my dialogue,  
Never has there been such finesse and nostalgia!!  
Kaname, I don't mean to mess up your gal but,  
Viletta Nu put a breast in my mouth (brrp)!  
Wowzers, I just made a mess of my robes,  
And they wonder why I keep dressing like a Power Ranger!!  
Lord help us he's back in his pink I HEART ORANGES shirt,  
Looking like someone shrinked his outfit!!  
I think he's about to flip!!!!  
Nunnally, rest assure, Zero's here to rescue ya,  
Can you blame me?  
You're my Mao, I'm your C.C.,  
Matter fact make me a birthday pizza pie  
With a chainsaw in it to make my jail break!  
Baby, I think you just met your soul mate!!!  
(Now break it down girl)

(CHORUS)  
C.C. - "When you walked through the door  
It was clear to me (clear to me)  
You're the one they adore, who they came to see (who they came to see)  
You're a … wannabe emperor (baby)  
Everybody wants you (everybody wants you)  
Bishie… Who can really blame you (who can really blame you)  
We're the ones who made you!!!"

"...So baby, baby  
Get down, down, down

Baby, get down, down down  
Baby, get down, down down  
Baby, get down, get down

Baby, get down, down down  
Baby, get down, down down  
Baby, get down, down down  
Baby, get down, get down!!!

Oh, Mao, rehab never looked so good!!!  
I can't wait, I'm going back!! HAHA Whooo!

Dr. Asplund, 2020, Yeah..."


	39. Shirlee's new Big Brother, Roofy

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

"Ahh...I'm so cold, M-Milly," Euphemia groaned, clutching the blanket tightly around her body. The poor pink-haired princess had been sick lately, and she hasn't gotten any better yet.

Milly smirked. "Don't worry, my dear...I know just how to warm you up,"

"Really?!"

Getting down on the floor, the blonde girl grabbed onto one of Euphemia's feet, removed the sock, and began lovingly licking her toes. All of the color drained from Euphemia's face. Milly let out a groan as she sucked on Euphemia's big toe for a few seconds before sliding her tongue up and down along the ankle of her foot. Her toes were now dripping with saliva. Euphemia started to break out into wild laughter; she was quite ticklish, after all. Milly unbuttoned her top, pulled out her large breasts and clamped them tightly around Euphemia's foot, moaning with ecstasy. Euphemia just laughed and laughed as Milly continued to make love to her toes...

...then she came.

-----------------------------------------------

----------------------------------

----------------------

---------------------------------------

---------------

------------------------------

--------------------

---------------------------------

"...What the hell was that?" Suzaku muttered aloud after just witnessing the above scene take place.

Behind the brown-haired boy, Lelouch was cheerfully twirling around while singing a song loudly to no one in particular. "Happy happy joy joy...happy happy joy joy...happy happy joy joy...happy happy joy joy!!!"

The Xenomorph from that earlier chapter and Shirlee (who was now 3 years old all of the sudden; she looked alot like her mother, Nina) joined in on the dance. They had all begun doing the Caramelldansen when Suzaku screamed, "WILL YOU THREE CUT IT OUT ALREADY?!!!"

Both the Xenomorph and Shirlee burst into tears, and Lelouch slapped Suzaku across the face. "You bastard!!!" he snapped, "Do you see what you've done?!! You've upset my children!!! If you ain't the granddaddy of all liars!!!"

"Y-YOUR CHILDREN?!!" Suzaku cried, placing his hand over his reddened cheek, "But...but only Shirlee is your daughter!! That other thing is a menace; it's because of it that our dear friend Kallen is dead!!!"

"Actually, her newfound lesbianism is keeping her alive for at least 50 more years..."

"...What? ARGH, IT DOESN'T MATTER!! LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT THAT XENOMORPH CANNOT BE CONSIDERED ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN!! WE SHOULD JUST KILL IT NOW!!!"

Lelouch put his hands on his hips. "Of course he's my child!! He's Shirlee's new big brother, Roofy! After all, I'm the one who implanted that chestburster into Kallen's body in the first place!!"

"WHAT?!!!" Suzaku gasped. 'This man is dangerous...!!!'

The two boys just stared at one another for a while; Roofy and Shirlee had already run off to go play with dress-up with C.C.'s clothes.

"...Lelouch, are you sure you're human?" Suzaku finally summoned up the courage to ask.

Lelouch thought for a moment, and then shook his head. "No...I'm something MUCH, MUCH MORE."

For some reason, Suzaku felt very scared all of the sudden. Lelouch gave Suzaku a pat on the shoulder before walking off after his two children. Suzaku gave his shoulder a quick glance before running off to his room; he had to burn his clothes now...because they now reeked of evil.


	40. Lelouch And The Sister Complex

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: I moved this over since it'll fit better as a chapter for this fic than it being a stand-alone story...

(1) - Those weird sex-pillows with anime girls on 'em.

(2) - Someone with a fetish for people with physical disabilities...like Nunnally in her wheelchair, for example.

* * *

Suzaku Kururugi was running as fast as his long legs could carry him down the hallway towards Lelouch's room. Only minutes ago he had received an urgent call from his good friend, and considering how horrified and upset Lelouch sounded, it was most definitely something serious. When he was only a few feet away from the bedroom door, Suzaku reached into his pocket and unsheathed a pistol. He let out a piercing shriek as he leaped into the air and simply kicked the door down with all of his might. Suzaku raised his gun and charged straight into the room, shouting, "ALRIGHT, YOU SONS OF BITCHES, YOU BETTER GET YOUR GODDAMN DIRTY HANDS OFF MY FRIEND OR I'LL-"

Suzaku realized he was pointing the barrel of the gun right against Lelouch's forehead. "Oh...hey, Lelouch..."

"J-JEEZUS!!!" Lelouch cried, snatching the gun from Suzaku, "You gotta be careful with this thing, for god's sake!!!"

Suzaku tried to keep himself from feeling overwhelmingly embarrassed by continuing to act calm and collected. "So," he asked, putting his hands on his waist, "What seems to be the problem here? You called me and told me that you were under attack..."

Lelouch nodded. "I am!"

"Who's attacking you?!"

Lelouch ran over to the large, ten-foot-tall wardrobe behind him, and opened it. Suzaku's mouth fell agape, and all of the color drained from his face. Inside the wardrobe was an immense collection of all things Nunnally: Nunnally posters, Nunnally stickers, handmade Nunnally dolls, Nunnally DVDs, Nunnally masks, Nunnally video games, Nunnally voice recordings, strands of Nunnally's hair, Nunnally's underwear, Nunnally mint dispensers, and even a Nunnally dakimakura(1). Streams of tears began to pour down Lelouch's cheeks. Suzaku just felt nauseated.

"...MY OWN SISTER IS TRYING TO SEDUCE ME INTO COMMITTING ONE OF THE MOST FOULEST OF TABOOS!!!" The poor black-haired boy screamed, throwing his hands into the air.

"She put all this stuff in here...?" Suzaku asked.

Lelouch shook his head. "No. I did."

"THEN HOW THE HELL IS SHE SEDUCING YOU IF YOU'RE THE ONE BEING A FUCKING PERVERT?!!!"

"No...no, you see, it's like this, Suzaku," Lelouch began to explain, "I've...I've had a huge sister complex for quite a while now. It grows stronger every day. I try to fight it, and fight it I do, but it always bests me in the end. I'm afraid that if I do not rid myself of this complex, and find love with someone of my own age group and not related to me, I might possibly give in completely to my forbidden desires and...and do something horrible to my beloved little Nunnally..."

"...You mean you'll rape her? You bastard!" Suzaku exclaimed.

"GGGGGODDAMMIT, SUZAKU, I WAS TRYING TO AVOID HAVING TO SAY THAT," Lelouch snapped, but he cooled down again almost instantly, "...But, yes, I'm afraid I might rape her if I do not get help soon...and it'll be just as bad even if it was consensual sex, too! It also doesn't help that I'm an abasiophile(2), either..." Lelouch fell to his knees, and buried his face into his palms as he began to sob quietly. Suzaku just realized how weary and restless Lelouch looked; he probably hadn't gotten a wink of sleep for days now. He had even lost some weight too, despite already being considered near-anorexic with that thin body of his.

Suzaku cringed; he was really glad that he didn't have a flat-chested loli of a sister to lust after. He sighed.

Holding out his hand for Lelouch, Suzaku said, "Fine then, Lelouch...I'll help you escape from this monstrous sister complex that has taken over your life..."

Lelouch raised his head. He sniffled, and as he reached out to grab Suzaku's hand, a smile graced his lips and he replied, "R...R...Really...? You'll help me, Bubaloo...?"

Suzaku nodded. "Yes...but only if you promise to never call me 'Bubaloo' ever again...or I'll rip your balls off and eat them..."

"Oh? Is that a threat...or a promise?" Lelouch smirked.

Suzaku flashed an angry glare. "Lelouch..."

"Fine, fine...I was just kidding...sorta..."

Suzaku sighed, and then said, "Okay, so let's get this thing started already...we'll perform a few tests first to see just how bad off you really are..."

"...T-Tests?"

* * *

Lelouch fiddled nervously with his fingers as he sat at the small white table. Sitting across from him was Suzaku, now dressed in a white lab coat. In front of him were two identical file folders. The entire room was dark except for the small nightlamp that Suzaku had placed upon the table. Lelouch gulped. This was the first test of his apparent breaking free from his almighty sister complex. It was all or nothing now. Lelouch gulped again.

Suzaku opened the two folders, and took out a sheet of paper from the folder on the right; it was a photo of C.C. in a bathing suit. Then, Suzaku removed a paper from the folder on the left; it was a photo of Nunnally in a bathing suit. Suzaku held both of them up so Lelouch could clearly see them. His dark-purple eyes immediately darted for the Nunnally picture.

"Alright...now tell me...which one of these two girls makes you harder, you fuckin' pedophile?" Suzaku asked sternly.

Lelouch thought for a moment. "Umm...Nun-" he began to say.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!" Suzaku snapped. Without warning, he suddenly smacked Lelouch hard against the forehead with a rosary.

"Ooow!!! What the hell did you do that for?!" Lelouch cried, rubbing his wounded forehead.

Suzaku did not reply.

Lelouch scowled; he was already beginning to regret accepting Suzaku's help. "Fine...I choose C-"

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!"

"...OWW!!!"

In the end, Lelouch lost consciousness before even getting a full answer out...and even then Suzaku was still hitting him for the hell of it...

* * *

The next test involved filling in the blanks at the end of certain sentences to continue to evaluate Lelouch's sick mind.

Suzaku - "Alright, here's the first one: Your favorite color is..."

Lelouch, grinning perversely - "...Pink, which is the same color as Nunnally's pussy."

Suzaku - "THE POWER OF CHRIST-" (Pulls out the rosary)

Lelouch - "STOP THAT!!!" (Snatches the rosary away angrily; Suzaku pouts)

Suzaku - "Your favorite hobby is..."

Lelouch, being truthful - "...Jerking off while watching hidden video tapes of Nunnally bathing."

Suzaku - "THE POWER OF KEN MASTERS COMPELS YOU!!!" (Karate-chops Lelouch on the head)

Lelouch - "I...I SHOULDA SEEN THAT COMING...I THINK!!!"

Suzaku - "Your favorite thing about your little sister is..."

Lelouch, hesitating - "Uh...her...her beautiful, youthful eyes?"

Suzaku - "..."

Lelouch - "..."

Suzaku - "...COMPELS YOU!!!" (Hits Lelouch on the head again)

Lelouch - "GAAAAHH...!!!"

* * *

"...Where are we going now?" Lelouch asked as he walked alongside a rather giddy Suzaku, holding an icebag to his face after all of those unnecessarily violent beatings. The two boys had left the school grounds and were now heading into the city. Suzaku couldn't keep himself from beaming as he walked, an obvious bounce in his step. He had really enjoyed smacking Lelouch around earlier.

"It's the last test! We're going to a strip bar, of course!!! We'll make you get a boner over sexy buxom women with fake tits just like every other normal boy that exists in the universe!!!" the brown-haired boy replied.

Lelouch gasped in horror. "W-WHAT?!! WHY THE HELL WOULD WE GO TO ONE OF THOSE FILTHY, PERVERTED PLACES?!! I AM A GENTLEMAN, YOU SHOULD KNOW!!"

"Heh...you're in love with your own little sister and you claim to be a gentleman? Funny shit. Besides, where else would we go to pick up chicks?" Suzaku asked.

"...The only girls I know that would go to a strip club are Nina and Kallen..."

"Well...I'm sure you'll enjoy it anyway..."

Lelouch shrugged. "...If you say so..."

"...I do."

-----------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------

-----------------

-----------------

-----------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------

-----------------

-----------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------

-----------------

-----------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------

-----------------

-----------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------

-----------------

_Now late at night, around 8:22 p.m...._

"I still can't believe you tore off that flat-chested girl's panties in front of everyone like that, you bastard!!!"

"But...but...but she looked just like Nunnally-chan! I...I couldn't help it!!! Really!!!"

"She was 26 years old, retard!!!"

"...I didn't know women that old could still have delicious flat chests like that...Kallen seemed happy about it, though..."

"DAMN YOU!!!"

By the time that Lelouch and Suzaku had finally gotten back to the Ashford Academy, they were already riddled with bruises and scars, willingly applied by both the bouncers and the sluts that worked at the club. Lelouch was still clutching the girl's underwear, and he shoved it against his nose for a few seconds before Suzaku snatched it away and threw it into the trash. This had not been the best of days for either of the teenage boys.

"Look, man, I'm done with this," Suzaku grunted, wiping some blood off his bottom lip, "I'm going back to my room, take a nice long shower, and then I'm gonna crawl into bed and fall asleep, not even once bothering to think about you and your goddamn sister complex...!!!"

Lelouch shrieked like a little girl. "NO!!! NO, YOU CAN'T, SUZAKU-KUN!!! I NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!! I DON'T WANNA RAPE MY BELOVED NUNNALLY!!!! I DON'T WANNA!!!! SHE'S ALREADY TRAUMATIZED ENOUGH, I TELL YOU!!!" He grabbed onto Suzaku's arm and pulled on it as if he were some little kid.

"G-Get off me...!!! Lolicon!!!" Suzaku cried.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!!"

Suddenly, Lelouch realized something that he should have done from the very beginning. "THE POWER OF MY GEASS COMPELS YOU!!!"

"HA!!! MY COMPELLING POWER IS MUCH STRONGER!!!" Suzaku gloated.

Lelouch scowled. "Curses...!!!" His plan had been a failure before it even began.

"...Onii-chan?"

Both Lelouch and Suzaku gasped, and glanced over towards the hall entrance, where Nunnally Lamperouge was standing...well, she was sitting in her wheelchair, if you want to be more accurate. A harsh, cold breeze suddenly seemed to pass over Lelouch's head, despite them being inside a fully air-conditioned building. Little Nunnally had already been changed into her pajamas, and as he stared at her, even Suzaku had to admit that she was actually kinda cute for a little blind wheelchair-bound loli.

"I heard you yelling, onii-chan," Nunnally said in a soft voice, "Is...is everything alright?"

Lelouch was shaking all over as he nodded his head; his eyes kept looking up and down his sister's small body, taking it all in with lustful desire. "Y-Y-Yes, little s-sister...e-everything's alright...you can go to sleep...I-I'll be in b-bed soon..."

Nunnally smiled warmly, and at that moment Lelouch felt like he could die with no regrets. "Okay, onii-chan...good night...good night to you too, Suzaku-san..."

"G-Good night, Nunnally-chan..." Suzaku replied, his cheeks glowing bright red. He was actually beginning to understand just what it was that caused Lelouch to fall in love with her own sister.

As soon as Nunnally had rolled out of view, both Lelouch and Suzaku looked at one another. It was now that Suzaku finally noticed the trail of blood pouring out of Lelouch's nostrils.

"I think I'm..." Suzaku began, breathless for some reason, but Lelouch nodded to show he understood.

"...It's impossible to escape these feelings. I told you that much. She has the gift." Lelouch stated matter-of-factly.

Suzaku sighed. "...I see...she truly is wonderful...even more so than Euphie...now I'm the same as you, bastard..."

"Yes...I have a friend who shares my suffering..."

"Shut up...I feel especially angry at those fuckers upstairs for doing this to me..."

"...Shall we, then?" Lelouch shrugged.

"...We shall..." Suzaku nodded in agreement.

Taking in deep breaths, the two young men then threw heads back and furiously screamed up to the heavens above:

"HOW DARE YOU TEMPT US WITH A PERFECT LITTLE UNDERAGE ANGEL SUCH AS HER, YOU BASTARD GODS!!! HOW DARE YOU...!!!!"

When that was over with, Lelouch took Suzaku back to his room so he could teach him the right way to use a dakimakura...

-----------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------


	41. Those Teenage Mutated Turtles Are A Pain

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Slightly based after a picture on saw on Pixiv...it kinda sucked, but it

* * *

When Lelouch walked into his bedroom, the first thing that hit him was a rancid stench. Looking around, he immediately realized that said odor was coming from C.C., who was busy helping herself to a very wet pizza pie.

"Oh my god!!" Lelouch covered his nose with a handkerchief, "Goddammit, C.C...did you get really bad gas again?! At least crack open a window this time!!!...And please fart on my face, I beg of you..."

"No, I don't have gas, you bastard!! I just came out of the sewers not too long ago, and I wanted to finish off this pizza before I go take a shower...!!" C.C. snapped back like it was no big deal.

Lelouch cocked his head to the side. "...The sewers? What the FUCK were you doing in the sewers?"

"Some turtle ninjas who claim to be teenagers or something like that were living down in the sewers, and they had a pizza with them...so I took it."

Lelouch blinked once. "...STOP DOING DRUGS!!!"

"I'M NOT DOING DRUGS THIS TIME; IT'S THE TRUTH!!!" C.C. snapped back in her defense.

"...You never once told me the truth before...like that time you told me that besides being immortal, you also gave up the ability to become pregnant, have an orgasm and actually enjoy sex in general when you obtained the Geass..."

"...That's the truth, though..."

Before Lelouch could reply, there was knock on the door, and he turned around to open it...only to be confronted by four rather infuriated-looking anthropomorphic turtles with ninja weapons standing in the doorway.

"Hey, man," The one with the orange mask grunted, "Where's the bitch who stole our pizza...?"

Lelouch was unable to reply, as he had already lost consciousness.


	42. The Sad Truth About Lulu

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

-----------------------------------------------------

**_The Sad Truth About Lulu_**

"Kallen...Kallen...Kallen..."

When Kallen Stadtfeld woke up that morning, she was rather disgruntled to see a familiar cape-wearing, mask-donning figure standing at the edge of her bed. She scowled at the sight of him.

"Finally you awoke, Kallen! You can't waste so much time sleeping when there's an oppressive empire to be destroyed, right?!!" Zero exclaimed in a booming voice.

Kallen sighed; she was getting tired of playing along with Lelouch's "evil plan to save the world". In reality, Lelouch Lamperouge had been deemed 'mentally unstable' at an early age. Everything he believes is actually nothing more than wild fantasies within the confines of his broken mind. Area 11 is still Japan, and it is on good terms with Britannia. Charles zi Britannia is a kind and fair ruler who has provided much to the Japanese people, showering them with as much love and affection as he would to his own family. He even takes his many wives and children on vacations every now and then. Lelouch's mother was never killed in an assassination attack. V.V. is not a midget due to immortal age, but because he actually IS a midget. His sister Nunnally is stuck in a wheelchair due to complications she suffered at birth. C.C. is a haughty young maid from Spain with little English-speaking skills. Lastly, the real reason Lelouch was sent to Ashford Academy was because he was being used as a test subject to further study the effects that insanity has on one's mind. Several students were handpicked to play along with Lelouch's imaginary life, Kallen being one of them, along with Suzaku, Shirley, Rivalz, Milly and Nina.

"...Lelouch, how did you get in here?" Kallen asked in annoyance.

"My name is Zero! I can do anything with the power of my Geass!!! I shall use it to destroy Britannia once and for all!!!" He has no idea that 'Geass' doesn't exist, either.

Kallen rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Lord Zero..."

"Perfect! Now, let us go!!!"

Laughing joyfully, Zero leaped out the window, scattering shards of glass all over the bedroom floor. Sighing again, Kallen got out of bed and headed over to her closet to put on her "rebel outfit". She really hated that damn bastard sometimes; whenever she desired to kill him, though, she just reminded herself of the billions of dollars the Emperor was offering her in watching over his dear son, and she immediately calmed down...


	43. Shirlee's Mother Is A Prick

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

Nina Einstein was busy working on a new thesis for a local science magazine when she heard a tiny pebble hit her window.

"NINA!!! HEY, NINA!!! I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU DAMN PUSSY-EATER!!!" It was Lelouch, and Shirlee was most likely with him.

Nina scowled and cursed under her breath; she was getting sick and tired of him trying to force her to take responsibility for a child she didn't even WANT to have. Swinging open the windows, she looked down and saw Lelouch waving up to her. Just as Nina had expected, little Shirlee was standing beside him, clutching tightly on the sleeve of his shirt. Nina sighed in annoyance.

"...What do you want, you bastard?" Nina snarled.

"I think it's only fair that YOU spend some time with OUR daughter for once!!" Lelouch replied loudly.

"She's not my daughter!!" Nina snapped back.

"What are you talking about?! Of course she is!! The tests don't lie!!!"

"She's not my daughter!! She's not my daughter!! I'll never love her!!! I never even WANTED any kids...!!"

"You know, the whole 'in denial' thing is alright for the beginning stages of pregnancy, but, babe, we're way beyond that now...you should really stop being a prick and just accept the fact that we'll probably have to get married and raise Shirlee together...as her parents!!"

Nina clutched her head in her hands as she screamed, "NO!! NO!! I don't want to be with a man!!! I'm a lesbian!!! A lesbian, I tell you!!! Leave me alone, you disgusting man-pig!!!"

"Lesbian or not, it still doesn't change anything...you gave birth to this child, and you have to take some responsibility for her!!!"

"...LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" Nina shrieked. She slammed the windows closed and that was that. Lelouch shook his head as he let loose a heavy sigh; there was just no getting through to her. Little Shirlee thought about everything that just happened for a few moments.

"...Daddy, are lesbians always this crazy?" She asked innocently.

Lelouch suddenly realized something as he thought back to all of the lesbians and bisexual women he had come across in his life: Kallen and her violent temper, Shirley and the fact she tried shooting him once, Milly and those idiotically inane school events of hers, Cornelia going bat-shit insane after Euphemia's death, and of course Nina and the many times she tried to blow everyone up along with herself. Apparently, women go crazy whenever Euphemia dies. Lelouch made a mental note to be careful about that next time.

"Yes, honey...all lesbians are this crazy, so for daddy's sake, please don't become one, okay?"

"I'll try not to..." Shirlee replied, shrugging.

Lelouch sighed. "That's all we can ever hope for..."

However, he did understand why so many people hated Nina now...


	44. The Sibling Complex Club

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

After that whole incident with Suzaku, the power of Christ and the sister complex, Lelouch had decided to set up a 'Sibling Complex Club', where people who have unnaturally lustful desires for their siblings can hang out together and rant about how fucked up they are. Well, it sounded better in his head than when actually spoken, at least. Suzaku was basically forced to join as the first member, since Lelouch had threatened to show everyone photos of him masturbating on a handmade Nunnally doll if he didn't.

"I really don't think anyone's gonna be there, Lelouch," Suzaku said as he and Lelouch haded down to the clubroom to see if any new members had arrived.

"Psshaw, Suzu-kun! You need to be more optimistic!!!" Lelouch scoffed.

"...You need to stop being so gay..."

"...I hate you..."

Once they reached the other end of the hallway, Lelouch kicked the door down and stepped into the clubroom. Much to his surprise, the only people to have come to join didn't even go to this school: it was Cornelia li Britannia, Jeremiah Gottwald and Schneizel el Britannia. For some reason, Lelouch suddenly felt very awkward. Suzaku looked over Lelouch's shoulder, and couldn't help but begin to snicker under his breath.

"Uh...hello there..."

Jeremiah glanced up from a photo album filled to the brim with pictures of Anya. "Ah...so you're the club master here?"

"Uh...actually, the term is 'club president'..."

"Whatever!!!"

Cornelia tapped her fingers nervously on the table as she mumbled, "This...this...this is the 'Sibling Complex Club'...isn't...isn't it?"

Lelouch nodded slowly. "Yeeeees..."

"Oh, thank god!!! Thank god...you don't know how much this means to me!!!" Cornelia burst into tears of joy and she fell to her knees. Schneizel stepped up beside her and placed a comforting hand upon her shoulder. Lelouch was totally baffled, while Suzaku was now ROFLing all over the floor.

"It's nice seeing you again...Lulu..." Schneizel remarked with that soft, calm voice of his.

"...Likewise..." Lelouch replied, his eyes glued to Cornelia, who was still sobbing heavily into her hands.

Jeremiah took out a lighter and began to light himself a cigarette. As he did so, he asked, "Tell me somethin', kid...can having perverse desires for the young girl you're supposed to be the legal guardian of count as 'Sibling Complex'..."

"No, not at all. You're just a dirty old pedophile."

Jeremiah cursed under his breath. "I had hoped it wasn't possible..."

Suddenly, Cornelia jumped to her feet. "THEN THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO!!!"

"What's that?!!" Schneizel asked with a thick Canadian accent; he had spontaneously grown buckteeth as well.

"...THIS!!!!"

That was when the 'Goofy Goober' song began to play in the background...and Suzaku stopped laughing.

* * *

Next time: Jeremiah's ultimate weapon is revealed!!! It's...definitely something related to oranges, that's for sure...


	45. The Death Orange Pt 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

**_THE DEATH ORANGE, PT. 1_**

After so humiliations, after so many defeats, after losing his job because of that damn Zero, after being nearly killed and forced to live as a cyborg to survive for the rest of his life...Jeremiah Gottwald had finally snapped. He retreated to his secret lair (his mother's basement) and began working on building the ultimate weapon to take revenge upon all of both Britannia and Area 11. It took him less than a week to complete it.

---

_I'm Orange!_

_Da ba de ba ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di..._

_I'm Orange!_

_---_

"WAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~!!!! IT...IS...ACCOMPLISHED!!!!"

Jeremiah cackled victoriously as he stood atop the almighty Death Orange, which was basically a giant floating orange that moved very slowly through the cloudy skies. It was well-equipped with all of the latest weaponry and defenses, all of them specifically customized so as to fit with the whole 'orange' motif. There were cannons that fired lightning-fast beams of orange juice, and orange bombs, and orange missiles, and orange guns and even orange-colored deflector shields.

"NOTHING CAN PENETRATE MY ULTIMATE FORTRESS!!!" Jeremiah boasted.

"...Really? I thought it was quite easy," spoke up a voice from behind him.

Jeremiah gasped, and spun around to find himself face to face with the last person he had ever expected to see again. All of the color drained from the blue-haired man's skin.

"Y...Y...You!!!" Jeremiah cried, taking a step back.

The mysterious figure grinned. "Yup. I'm glad you still remember me, Jeremiah-san..."

"W-What do you want...?" Jeremiah snarled, trying to keep himself calm despite this shocking and unexpected meeting.

"What I want is the same thing that you want, my dear Jeremiah...revenge on Britannia..."

Jeremiah forced a smile. "Really? I won't bother prying further into it, since I couldn't care less. I guess we'll just be partners-in-crime for now, huh? We both have the same goal, after all..."

"Exactly...it'll be good doing business with you, Jeremiah..."

They shook hands, and the mysterious figure stepped out of the shadows into the sunlight...

...it was Naoto Kozuki, Kallen's "deceased" older brother.


	46. Untie Me Dirty and Perverted

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: I've already written so much shit for this series...why am I making more?!!

LOL WEIRD YAOI INCEST CRACK PAIRING LOL

* * *

When Charles zi Britannia climbed out of bed that morning, he was a bit offended to find his twin brother V.V. lying on the floor, completely nude and tied up in a big red ribbon. It was kinda gross.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BROTHER!!!" V.V. shouted at the top of his lungs, "WANNA OPEN UP YOUR 'PRESENT'?!! HMM?!! HMM?!! HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...?!! IT'S FULL OF SOMETHING DELICIOUS!!!!"

"...It's my birthday today?" Charles asked.

V.V. nodded. "Yup! I'm your 'present', just in case you didn't get that little joke of mine earlier..."

"Damn," Charles muttered as he let loose a heavy sigh, "Where does the time go...?"

"Well, time's still passin', but it might stop for a few seconds if you'd just come over here, and unwrap me!!! I'm all greased up just for you today, my love!!!" V.V. exclaimed, but Charles simply walked past him to get to his closet. As Charles dug around for some weekend attire, V.V. continued to speak.

"So, uh...are you gonna untie me? I mean...this shit is cutting into my skin, and I'm stuck having to rub my calves together to keep it from tearing, and I think I'm getting a rash...I'm serious...I mean, I snuck into your room in the middle of the night, stripped down, tied myself up (which was quite difficult, by the way), and doused myself in butter all so you could make sweet gay love to me this morning! Even if today is your birthday, this is more for me than it is for you!!! Are you listening to me, Charles zi Britannia?!! Are you?!! ...Hey, Charlie, c'mon...you know you want my sweet, sticky shota body...you pervert...c'mon...I'm circumcised...does that turn you on? It turns me on...it sure does...c'mon...make love to me...rape me or something, for god's sake...I don't care...just shove your old, hairy flabby little wiener up my a-hole, bitch!!! I WANT IT!!!! I FUCKIN' SHOT A DUCK TO GET THIS FAR, AND I AIN'T GONNA FAIL NOW!!! I WANT TO BE SODOMIZED TO THE EXTREME!!!"

Charles tossed on his favorite 'Green Day' T-Shirt, as well as some slightly torn blue jeans. He yawned loudly and picked his nose as he headed for the door. The booger he pulled out was promptly flicked against V.V.'s forehead.

"Hmm...maybe I'll have some birthday pancakes or something..." Charles muttered under his breath before exiting the room, leaving V.V. tied up and naked on the floor.

V.V. scowled. "Fuckin' bastard...hopefully Lelouch will walk by...maybe I can seduce him..."

Just as he had hoped, Lelouch walked by, and he glanced inside the room to see V.V. just lying there, grinning perversely.

"...Hey, Lulu...wanna have an early birthday present...?" V.V. asked with a smirk.

Lelouch quickly ran away without a word, and V.V. cursed under his breath.


	47. Suzako and Rivalz

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Y'know, I think I once told myself I'd never write anything for this series...and now look; I've written more for this series than any other series I've made fics for!!!!! T_T

This is based after a certain scene from the english dub of the show...it can be seen on Youtube, albeit in poor quality...

* * *

"DON'T GIVE ME YOUR EMO ROUTINE!!!! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING EMO, SUZAKU!!! EMO EMO EMO EMO-"

Suzaku punched Rivalz in the throat, grabbed him by the hair, and tossed him over into the nearby water fountain.

"...Shall we go to class, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked, turning to his friend.

Lelouch nodded. "Yes. Let us go."

They wrapped their arms around each other's waists and merrily skipped off to third-period home economics class...

----------------------------------------------------------

_Later that day, at around 6:16 p.m...._

"You know, Rivalz...you can come out now...he's gone..."

Rivalz slowly lifted his head out from under the water, and saw Kallen staring down at him.

"Uh...hey, Kalley..." Rivalz said quietly.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!" Kallen snapped, and then she mumbled under her breath, "Only my darling C.C.-chan can call me that..."

"...Why does Suzaku hate me?" Rivalz asked aloud as he climbed out of the fountain, thoroughly drenched from head to toe in the dirty water.

"Well, you DID call him a 'fucking emo' several times over," Kallen explained, "...That might be why..."

"Nah, that can't be it! It must be something else!!" Rivalz proclaimed. He scratched his chin as he tried to figure out just what it was that made Suzaku hate him so.

"Maybe he likes you...people tend to treat the ones they like more harshly than others sometimes...Suzako-chan is actually just a very manly, flat-chested girl after all..." Kallen spoke up, but she immediately clamped her hands over her mouth afterwards.

Rivalz blinked once. "...Suzako-chan? F-F-Flat-chested girl...?"

"I...I MEANT 'SUZAKU'!!! THAT'S WHAT I MEANT!!! HIS NAME IS SUZAKU KURURUGI!!! NOT SUZAKO KURURUGI!!! HE'S A FLAT-CHESTED MAN, NOT A FLAT-CHESTED GIRL!!! HE HAS...A PENIS!!! THAT'S RIGHT!!!" Kallen exclaimed wildly, trying to cover up what she had just said.

Rivalz forced a tiny grin and chuckled. "Y-Yeah...that's what you meant...HIS name is SUZAKU...heh heh heh...ehh...heh..."

Kallen let out a sigh of relief, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'Damn...I almost revealed her secret, even after I promised not to tell anyone...god, I need to work better at keeping my big mouth shut more often...'

Rivalz was never going to look at Suzaku the same way again now...especially since he was actually a flat-chested, manly-looking girl too...

* * *

THE 'DEATH ORANGE' ARC CONTINUES NEXT CHAPTER...!!!


	48. The Death Orange Pt 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: For some reason I can only write for this series right now...how sad...I do want to write for another series at least once, but I can't think of anything that doesn't involve the CG characters for now...

* * *

While running to his next class, Rivalz just happened to glance up at the sky. "...Hey, what's that?" he asked aloud.

Suzaku stopped alongside him and looked up as well. "What's what?" he replied.

"That...that big round thing floating up in the sky...it's huge..."

Suzaku squinted. "Huh...I have no frickin' idea...let's ask Lelouch..." He then turned to Lelouch, who was now standing beside them all of the sudden, "What is that up there, Lelouch? What is that giant round sphere...?"

"...It's the sun," Lelouch replied dryly.

"...Oh..."

"Then what's THAT giant orange sphere?" Rivalz asked again, pointing over to the giant orange sphere slowly approaching them.

"It's a huge flying fortress designed to resemble an orange...obviously." Lelouch replied.

Suzaku cursed under his breath. "THE WEATHERMAN SAID NOTHING OF THIS!!! DAMN YOU, YOU LIARS!!! DAMN YOU!!!" He fell to his knees and screamed furiously up into the heavens, hoping that God would hear his plea for revenge.

Suddenly, a panel opened up on the giant orange, and a high-speed beam of citric acid flew straight at the academy students. Lelouch gasped, and pushed Suzaku and Rivalz out of the way just as the beam blew past, completely disintegrating Lelouch's arms in the process. The building off to his right was blown in half, killing all who were inside at the moment of impact. Everyone was running around in a wild panic, screaming and crying at the top of their lungs.

"L-LELOUCH...!!!" Suzaku gasped in horror. Lelouch gritted his teeth as he staggered to keep his balance, staring hopelessly at the bleeding stumps that were once his arms. 'I had...played with myself so many times with the hands attached to those arms...oh, how they will be missed...'

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!!!" Rivalz shrieked.

Suzaku punched the blue-haired young man in the face. "I HAVE NO FUCKIN' IDEA, DUDE!!!"

The menacing orange loomed closer, and several more panels swung open, revealing a whole barrage of orange-laden missiles, all of them aimed directly at Lelouch. Then...the missiles fired, and Lelouch's legs gave way as he fell onto his face in the dirt, unable to move...there was no way he could survive this...

"...Wake up, daddy..."

Lelouch opened his eyes. His arms had spontaneously regenerated, and his little daughter Shirlee was kneeling down in front of him. Behind her, the missiles had been stopped in their tracks...by a huge naked gray man with a bondage mask over his bald head. Lelouch's mouth fell agape.

"...My Geass evolved while you were at class, daddy," Shirlle explained simply. She giggled, and rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.

Lelouch just nodded, still speechless with shock...


	49. Intermission

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. Nor do I own the lyrics of the song 'Last Time I Tried To Rock Your World' by MSI.

* * *

**:Intermission:**

"Okay...so what the hell just happened in the last chapter?" Suzaku asked Rivalz during the intermission sequence, " I mean...Lelouch was about to die, wasn't he? He lost his arms and everything!"

Rivalz nodded. "Indeed he did! However, just as he was on the brink of destruction...his illegitimate child Shirlee Lamperouge came to the rescue!"

"But...how? I thought she could only create tentacle monsters that rape teenage girls with nice asses..." Suzaku replied.

"Yeah, but now Shirlee's Geass has evolved to a whole new level! She can regenerate lost body parts, as well as summon the mythical BDSM God, Thimble-Tak!! There are other abilities that have yet to be seen, too!!" Rivalz proclaimed, thrusting his fists in the air. He was trying to seem excited, but he was overdoing it. "There'll even be a kissing scene next chapter involving Kallen and...well, I shouldn't really say..."

"You know...saying that kind of shit isn't going to excite anyone...you're just being lame..." Suzaku mumbled.

"GAH!!!"

"Besides, it's a girl, right? I mean, Kallen's only in denial about being gay in the show, which is why she forced herself to have feelings for Lelouch and Gino and whatnot..."

"...Actually, it's that Xenomorph Roofy..."

Suzaku raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "...Roofy?"

"YES!!!" Rivalz punched Suzaku in the face, and the brown-haired boy burst into a puddle of blood.

* * *

_It ain't like no fat motherfucker's gonna listen to me anyway  
You know I'm only around here for a couple more years  
yo if I am really lucky  
The last fucking time, I was stupid fucking enough  
To think that little me  
Could rock your fucking world  
I demand my payment in cash  
I demand my payment in cash  
I'm doing services only I appreciate  
You keep giving me bullocks  
And all I want's my money  
Never again, never again, never again, never again_


	50. The Death Orange Pt 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: The song 'Woo Hoo!' from some AMV about Prinnies and The Hives have refueled the kindling flame in my heart to actually continue this piece of shit for all of you people...

Whenever I try to write something really cracky like this, the quality of the writing gets even worse than it already is for anything else I write...so please bear with it...

* * *

**_Death Orange Part 3_**

"Don't worry, daddy," Shirlee told her flabbergasted teenage father, "Me and Thimble-Tak will take care of things from here...!!"

'Th...Th...Thimble-Tak?!'

The muscular, gray monstrosity of a man slowly reached down, placed Shirlee tightly underneath his armpit like a football, and leaped high in the air towards the direction of the huge hovering fruit. Lelouch opened his mouth to call out to his beloved daughter, yet his throat ached too much to even allow him to speak.

'Shirlee...' he thought a moment before losing consciousness, 'Good...good luck...'

Suddenly, a very loud voice pierced the tension. "...WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!!! I wanna beat people up inside a giant citrus fruit, too!!"

Lelouch was suddenly kicked out of the way as Kallen and Roofy ran past, hoping to gain enough speed to lift off. Suzaku and Rivalz had no idea what the hell was going on, but damn, it sure was interesting!

"HERE WE GO!!!" Holding her arms out straight, Kallen lifted off into the sky, Roofy following soon after her. The sun shone brightly overhead, and the air carried the fresh scent of cinnamon sticks. Deciding to take advantage of this moment, since they may die during the assault upon the orange fortress, Roofy planted a tiny kiss on Kallen's cheek.

In response, Kallen punched him in the nads. "DON'T KISS ME, YOU PERVERT BASTARD!! ...Only C.C.-chan can do that..."

"R-Right..."

'...This totally rocks my sadistic socks!!!' Euphemia realized despite being buried deep within a hole in the ground.

----------------------------------

------------

--------------------------

---------------

---------

-----------------------

-------

-------------------------------

-------------

--------------------------

----------

----------------------------------

------------

--------------------------

---------------

---------

-----------------------

-------

-------------------------------

-------------

--------------------------

----------

----------------------------------

------------

--------------------------

---------------

"I...I can't believe this!" Jeremiah exclaimed as he stared at the large screen in front of him, "Just how can this little girl possess so much power...? And who the hell is Thimble-Tak?!!"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Naoto Kozuki remarked, taking a sip from a bottle of wine, "She has awakened to a whole new level of Geass. It's most likely due to her powerful genes, and the fact that her father is the owner of one of the most powerful Geass to have ever existed..." Looking up at the screen, he saw that his beloved little sister Kallen and that Xenomorph Roofy were also closing in on them.

Jeremiah let out a mighty roar as he smashed his right fist into the screen, shattering it to pieces on the floor. "I will not be mocked any longer by these damn Geass-users!! I am sick of it, I tell you!!! Sick of it!!! I built this giant flying fortress so to destroy all of the pathetic little ants that dare taunt me, and yet they still make fun of me with every chance they get!!!"

"...You really should get some help," Naoto muttered under his breath.

"When those bastards arrive, I will personally crush them all!!!"

Naoto tipped his head back as he allowed the remaining contents of the bottle to pour down his throat. Letting out a refreshed sigh, he threw the bottle over his shoulder, and it promptly landed upon a soft pillow. "Allow me to personally take care of Kallen and the Xenomorph...you can kill the girl,"

"...Fine..." Jeremiah had no problem with that plan.

An evil smirk formed on Naoto's lips. He couldn't wait to see how Kallen would react when she sees that her dear older brother is still alive...


	51. The Death Orange Pt 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

**_Death Orange Pt 4_**

"Shogo..."

"Tenisawa..."

"Sushi..."

"Hikaru Fujiwara..."

"Asseu-ku..."

"Jiroushima..."

"Miercoles..."

"...That's Spanish, you idiot."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...no, it's not..."

"Yes it is..."

"...Shut up."

"...No, you...!!"

Shirlee wasn't sure just how long Kallen and Roofy were going to be having this idiotic little discussion, but it didn't seem to be ending any time soon. Upon infiltrating the giant orange, the three heroes were rather surprised to find that the entire place seemed to be completely empty. No one came after them, and whatever security systems the giant sphere possessed remained unactive. It was all very strange, and only Shirlee seemed to actually be bothered by it.

'I wonder if they were expecting us...? We better be careful here...'

She then tossed a rather annoyed glare at Kallen and Roofy. '...Of course, I wouldn't care so much if THEY were killed...I don't really consider Roofy as my little brother, anyway...'

Suddenly, deep within the darkness at the end of the long hallway, Shirlee heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Ah! Guys...someone's coming!! Should we run or fight...?!!" She cried, only to see that Kallen and Roofy were already running off in the opposite direction. Cursing under her breath, Shirlee stood still for a few seconds before she quickly followed after them.

Slowly, the figure stepped out of the shadows and into the light...it was Old Man Jenkins.

"...YABBA-DABBA-WHAT THE FUCK?!!!" he cackled before falling to the floor, dead.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Meanwhile..._

"You know, this is a really nice picnic you set up, Rivalz," Suzaku remarked before taking a bit out of one of the finger sandwiches.

Rivalz nodded, placing his half-empty tea cup down beside him. "Yeah...I mean, after nearly being killed, and with this ominous giant orange hovering several feet over our heads, I just figured...hey, why don't I set up a picnic?!!"

"Well...that was some smart thinking on your part!!"

"Tell me about it!!!"

Lelouch was busy updating his Twitter messages on his laptop, letting everyone know that his illegitimate daughter was currently inside a giant citrus fruit flying through the air...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Man...this place is HUGE!" Shirlee exclaimed aloud after having walked down the same hallway for almost ten whole minutes already.

"Ha! My asshole is bigger!" Kallen boasted, "C.C. told me so..."

Roofy just rolled his non-existent eyes, but Kallen was somehow able to notice it. Grabbing the alien by the shoulder, the redhead snarled, "Hey...you think you can look down on me, you scaly little bastard? Huh? Do ya?!!"

Roofy grumbled something under his breath.

"What did you say, punk?!!"

Roofy grinned widely, showing a full display of long, jagged teeth. "I said you smell like dirty pussy...bitch!!!"

Just before Kallen could beat on the alien boy, Shirlee realized something very important. "Wait a minute...Roofy, Kallen gave birth to you!! She's your real mother!!!"

At that moment, C.C. teleported into the room Star Trek-style.

"...YOU HAD A CHILD WITHOUT EVER TELLING ME, YOU BITCH?!!! YOU SAID WE'D MAKE A FAMILY TOGETHER!!! YOU PROMISED ME!!!" The green-haired girl screamed before tackling Kallen to the ground.

"I...I didn't even PLAN on giving birth!!" Kallen cried while trying to block C.C.'s feeble strikes at her face.

Roofy couldn't help but laugh at the cat fight taking place right at his feet; he didn't seem to care if Kallen was his mother or not.

'I really hate these people...' Shirlee sighed, smacking her palm to her face in despair.

Suddenly, Shirlee felt an intense pain erupt within her chest, and she looked down...the tip of a blade emerged from the middle of her stomach. Her eyes rolled up into the back of her head, and she crashed to the ground. She was dead.

"...Got you," Jeremiah sneered. He had snuck up upon the group while they weren't looking.

Naoto, who was standing behind Jeremiah, shook his head. "Dude...when I said 'kill the girl', I didn't actually mean to 'kill the girl'...you stupid retard..."

"Eh?!!"

The others were still too busy fighting to even notice that poor little Shirlee had just been killed...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...Hey, Rivalz?"

"Yes, Suzaku?"

"Where's Lelouch going?"

"I dunno...but depending on that look on his face, the poor bastard that pissed him off is definitely going to be torn apart atom by atom..."

"Hmm...that'd be pretty cool to watch..."

"...Yeah..."

Jeremiah had no idea that Lelouch had put a special tracking device on Shirlee, one that would alert him if she was in mortal peril...


	52. Dream A Final Dream For Crack

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

"Well, this is the end, huh...?" Lelouch asked, staring off into the snow-white abyss that laid before him and Suzaku.

"Yeah, I suppose so...WAIT, WHAT?! THE END?!!!" Suzaku cried.

Lelouch nodded. "Yes. Because...there's nothing more we can do..."

Suzaku stared down at his feet, disheartened. "N-Nothing...? Really? We...we can't even complete that retarded 'Death Orange' storyline first?"

Lelouch grinned from ear to ear. "Nope! Too troublesome! Let's just say that I save the day, revive Shirlee with the Dragonballs, and then blow all of my weekly allowance at a strip club in Cancun!!"

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!!!!" Suzaku was afraid he was about to lose consciousness. How could this be? It was over and done with already?

"You mean...we're not gonna act like we're high anymore?"

Lelouch shook his head. "Sorry, but...besides this one last time, no."

"Dang."

Suddenly, Lelouch's head mutated into that of a giant cat's, and he fired a blast of energy from his mouth, burning all of the skin and muscle tissue off of Suzaku's body. Butterflies that resembled Euphemia's vagina flew out of Suzaku's skeletal remains, and soon disappeared into the white surroundings. Charles zi Britannia ran by dressed like Big Bird, and C.C. was chasing after him while chocolate beams of the future spewed from her nipples. Kallen's head had been placed on the body of a dog, and Cornelia was snorting a barrel's worth of cocaine all at once.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MY CORNDOG!!!!" Nina screamed, clutching her half-eaten corndog and weeping. Gino suddenly ran up behind her and unsheathed his dick.

Rolo sprouted wings made out of bananas and flew straight into an active volcano.

Shirley tore off her right thumb, and it suddenly grew into Anya, who promptly shot Shirley in the face with a Desert Eagle pistol.

Then...everything vanished. Lelouch was all alone once again.

Throwing his feline head back, Lelouch laughed heartily as he too slowly faded to complete and total nothingness...

----------

------------

----------

-----------

------------

------------

---------

---------------

-----------

-----------

------------

---------

------

THE END.....................................?


	53. TRUE ENDING

When Suzaku opened his bedroom door that night, he was less than surprised to find Lelouch standing there with little baby Shirlee in his arms.

"Suzaku," Lelouch said in a serious tone, "Shirlee is hungry. She needs breast milk..."

Suzaku shrugged. "So? It's not my problem!!!"

"Take out your man tits and let her suck on them!" Lelouch ordered at the top of his lungs.

Suzaku then proceeded to smack Lelouch across the face. "NUMB-NUTS BUTTAH!!"

Lelouch began to cry, and Shirlee soon joined him.


	54. Lelouch Plus Sex equals Sad Face

Lelouch sat up in bed and lit himself a cigarette. "So..." he murmured, "THAT was sex..."

C.C. nodded, smiling from ear to ear. "Yup! That was sex!"

Lelouch took a long drag on his cigarette, and stared off into the inky-black darkness in front of him. He seemed to be deep in thought.

"...Lulu? Are you okay?" C.C. asked, but Lelouch just ignored her.

"I have to say," Lelouch finally spoke up after about five minutes of silence, "I'm...I'm DEEPLY disappointed..."

All of the color drained from C.C.'s face; she certainly hadn't expected to hear this. "...EH?!!!"

"I mean, is that it?! Was that really all there was?! There isn't any more?! This is what I've been waiting my entire life for?!! This is what we have to do to help populate the Earth?!! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!!! All the trouble I've gone through to get to this point...and that's ALL?!!!" Lelouch buried his face in his hands and sighed, "I...I feel like my entire existence is nothing more than a lie now...what a sham it all was..."

"You're such a faggot." C.C. stated as bluntly as possible.

"...BESIDES, WHERE'S THE GODDAMN POT OF GOLD?!! SUZAKU TOLD ME THERE'D BE A POT OF GOLD!!!" Lelouch screamed, grabbing C.C. by the shoulders and shaking her violently.

C.C. slapped Lelouch hard across the face, and the raven-haired boy instantly lost consciousness.


	55. Cheesy Swine

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

Lelouch let out a sigh of relief as he returned to Ashford Academy that night. He had been busy killing innocent bystanders and people he really didn't like all day, and it had totally tired him out.

'Ah well,' he thought, stifling a loud yawn, 'I guess I'll just make love to my darling wife Cheese-kun...and then I'll go to bed...'

Unfortunately, poor Lulu was in for a sour surprise. The moment he stepped into his bedroom, which was oddly shrouded in total darkness, he was overwhelmed by a rather familiar smell. It was the stench of fresh semen. Reaching out, Lelouch flipped on the light switch, and his mouth fell agape in horror...

...Suzaku was humping his Cheese-kun. ANALLY. WITH A STRAP-ON. FOR NO GOOD REASON. BUTTERRRRRRRRRR.

"You do know it belonged to me first, right?!" C.C. spoke up from off-screen.

Suzaku glanced up, his face glistening with sweat. "Oh! Uh...hey, Lelouch..."

"K...K...KY..." Lelouch's right eye twitched violently.

Still stradling Cheese-kun tightly in between his legs, Suzaku gulped. "...Lelouch?"

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Lelouch fell to his knees, and screamed a scream so loud that it made every window in a ten-mile radius shatter apart. It even made Suzaku's face explode into pieces, and he collapsed lifelessly onto the floor.

A month later, Cheese-kun was revealed to be pregnant, and Lelouch could do nothing but cry.


	56. The Legendary Banjo Episode 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

Suzaku was reading through '_The Great Gatsby_' for the fifth time in a row when Lelouch came bursting into the room, carrying a large assortment of various laser-based weaponry. There was a Cactuar keychain, too.

"Uh...what're you doing, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked rather languidly.

"I'M HERE TO BLOW SHIT UP, AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT BY THE TIME I'M DONE, ALOT OF PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE UNHAPPY!!" Lelouch said back. He had a mad look in his eyes.

"Aren't they usually?"

Lelouch's facial expression suddenly became very serious. "Yes...yes, they do."

"...Do?"

"Are."

"You meant to say 'are', not 'do'."

"That's why I said 'are' right after I said 'do'...it was a mistake in dialogue..."

"Sure...whatever you say..."

At that moment, a large shark came flying through the window, and it chomped down on Suzaku's head.

As he rolled around on the floor, flailing his arms like a doll, Suzaku screamed, "AHHH!!! GOOD GODDEN' GRAVY!!! A SHARK!!! A SHARK HAS BITTEN ONTO MY HEAD!!! Huh...I think it's a tiger shark...AND THERE ARE BABY SHARKS IN HERE, TOO!! THEY'RE SO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!! AUGH!!!"

"DAMMIT!!! THE WEATHERMAN FUCKIN' LIED TO ME!!! HE MENTIONED NOTHING OF RANDOM SHARK ATTACKS THIS MORNING!!!" Lelouch roared in fury. He quickly unhooked a shotgun from his belt, and fired several shots into the shark's face. However, its grip remained firm upon Suzaku's cabeza.

"YOU GOTTA SHOOT IT'S WEAK SPOT! IT'S WEAK SPOT!" Suzaku cried. A large, red X was evident on the dorsal fin of the shark, so Lelouch figured that that must have been the 'weak spot'. However, there was no way a machinegun, a shotgun, a pistol, an RPG, or even a claymore sword could hope to pierce such soft cartilage. So...Lelouch had to get a totally different weapon, one with rank-A piercing power!

"KALLEN...I NEED YOUR HAIR SPIKES!!!" Lelouch bellowed as he immediately confronted the redheaded girl in the hallway. For some reason, a series of cross-shaped symbols had formed vertically across Kallen's wide forehead, and her skin was now a darkish hue. None of that mattered to Lelouch though, of course.

"...Why do you need my hair spikes? They cost $4.15 for each goddamn spike, you motherfucker!!" berated Kallen, completely unaware of her own Noah powers emerging. Her butt cheeks seemed to be swelling outwards as well.

"I'll sing you 'Chocolate Rain' in your sleep if you do this for me..."

"OMG! LIEK...O RLY?! I *HEART* DAT SONG!"

"YAY RLY!!!"

Kallen reached up, and tore off three of her hair spikes, handing them to Lelouch. "Bring them back when you're done, then..." she told him. Lelouch nodded, and quickly dashed back to Suzaku's room. The brown-haired boy was no longer moving, although the shark was still happily chewing on his head. A puddle of blood had formed underneath them.

"DIE, YOU ECONOMICALLY-CHALLENGED BEAST! DIE!!!!" Lelouch plunged the tips of the hair spikes into the shark's dorsal fin, and in that moment, the shark collapsed onto its side, totally dead as a doornail. Sitting up, Suzaku wiped the blood off of his face as he let out a sigh of relief. Lelouch carelessly threw the hair spikes over his shoulder, landing them right in the recycling bin.

"Thank god you saved me right before I was about to die, Lelouch!" Suzaku stated, "We better have Nina hurry up with that fence made out of grated cheese to ensure such a disaster like this does not take place again!!!"

"Good idea!! ...But first..."

"Hmm?"

"TAKE OFF MY PANTS, SUZAKU. I WILL SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF PIERCING THE HEAVENS...AND BY PIERCING THE HEAVENS, I MEAN SODOMIZING YOU IN THE ASS!!! YOUR NICE, TIGHT, VIIIIIIIIIRGIN ASS...AWRIGHT?"

Suzaku responded to this by shoving a fork into Lelouch's crotch with a big smile on his face.


	57. THRILLAH

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

"You know...I think we should do something special to show our appreciation to Michael Jackson now that he has passed on!!!"

Suzaku looked up from his magazine and gave Lelouch an incredulous look. "Why didn't we show him our appreciation when he was still alive?"

"Because he was still alive."

"...Ah."

Taking out a pen and a piece of paper, Lelouch proclaimed, "Okay, then! Let's come up with some ideas on how we'll do this!"

"Do what?" C.C. asked as she and Kallen walked into the room at that moment. Following close behind them were Rivalz, Milly, Shirley, Rolo and Lelouch's dad Charles.

"We're gonna show our appreciation to Michael Jackson and all that he's done now that he has passed on!!" Lelouch replied.

"Why didn't we show him our appreciation when he was still alive?" Kallen inquired.

"Because he was still alive."

"...Ah."

"Okay, back to what I was saying," Lelouch continued, "Does anyone have any ideas on what we can do to prove that Ashford Academy also wishes the King of Pop a safe trip into the afterlife?!"

Kallen thought for a moment. "Oh, we can do a rendition of his music video 'Thriller'!!"

"That's been done to death and back...and then back to death..." C.C. sighed.

"Dang...I'm all out of ideas, then..."

"Oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!!!" Charles screamed like a wiener dog with a bad case of diarrhea, waving his hands wildly through the air.

Lelouch sighed; what the hell was his dad doing here, anyway? "What is it...Charles?"

"Let's all dress up like Michael Jackson and dance!!!" he suggested.

Lelouch sighed again. "No."

"GODDAMMIT, LELOUCHEBAG!!! YOU NEVER LIKE ANY OF MY IDEAS!!" Charles jumped to his feet, and tears were pouring down his withered old face, "WELL...FUCK YOU BASTARDS AND BITCHES!!! I'LL DRESS UP LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON AND HAVE FUN WITH IT!!! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Weeping loudly into his hands, the Britannian Emperor went charging out the door and down the hallway. Everyone stared at the door for a few moments, then at Lelouch, who sighed for the third time in a row.

"How about we all just crash his funeral party, steal his corpse, and bring it back to life with the power of Milly's magical lactating boobs?" Lelouch suggested.

"Shush, girl! Shut your lips! Do the Helen Keller...and talk with your hips!!"

Lelouch's brow furrowed. "I'll take that as a 'yes'..." he said.

"Don't trust a ho!!"

"...Thanks for the advice there, Suzaku..."

"No problem, buddy!"


	58. Billy Mays Here With OxyClean

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: I fuckin' love Space Ghost Coast 2 Coast, even if it is old shit...it's still hilarious as hell!

* * *

"I'M BAD! I'M BAD! YA KNOW IT! I'M BAD-"

Lelouch clapped his hands together, and turned to face the others. "Well, boys and bitches, it looks like we've done it...MICHAEL JACKSON HAS BEEN BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD!!"

Tearing his wig off from his head, Suzaku tossed it high into the sky. "SHOOP DA WHOOP!"

"Well then," Kallen asked, "Now what do we do?"

"Oh! Let's bring back Billy Mays next!" C.C. exclaimed with a grin.

"...Who?"

"You know! That guy on the television! He died from inhaling too much Oxy-Clean or something, I heard..."

"I thought he killed himself because he figured it would get him as much publicity as it did for Michael?" Rivalz butted in with his thoughts on the subject.

"I liked that guy's beard...he made men with beards feel special," Charles muttered, nodding his head as he spoke.

"HE WAS MY HOMEBOY!!" Jeremiah exclaimed.

"I'd buy all the Oxy-Clean he offered if it would let me get into his pants..." Shirley said dreamily to herself, staring off into space with a slight blush on her cheeks.

Weeping loudly, Kallen fell to her knees, threw her head back, and screamed, "BILLY MAYS, I LOVED YOU!!!"

At this point, Lelouch and Michael Jackson had already left to go and molest Rolo...


	59. BILLY MAYS EPILOGUE

THE BILLY MAYS EPILOGUE:

"Hey, guys...we got a TEENSY-WEENSY problem..."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Well, we tried revive Billy Mays like C.C. suggested...but it resulted in the start of a nuclear apocalypse..."

"...Isn't that what happened when we tried to bring back Euphemia, too?"

"Yeah."

"Goddamn."

"I guess this means we'll have to tell C.C. that tonight's pizza party is off due to radioactive mushroom clouds..."

"What do we mean 'we'? I ain't telling her!!"

"Actually...you're the only one telling her."

"The hell?! I thought you said we'd both do it."

"But I don't wanna..."

"God, Lelouch, you are such a pathetic loser...!"

"I know, Suzaku. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know."

"...You do?"

"Yup."

"Good. Okay, so...we'll have Kallen tell C.C. about the party's cancellation, right?"

"Nah. That green-haired pizza fiend would just rape the poor girl...we need someone with BALLS OF STEEL..."

"Where the hell is this conversation going? Anyway, back to the main topic...I say we use Diethard!"

"YOU WANT ME TO DIET HARD?!! BASTARD, I'M ALREADY THIN ENOUGH TO COSPLAY AS A WALKING STICK!!"

"Fool! I was talking about Diethard, that fag with the television fetish..."

"Ah, but he's dead."

"Oh, yeah. Well...we'll just send Kallen, then?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

"...I don't like that idea, though."

"Neither do I."

"Gah! I wish SOMEONE would just tell C.C. that's there no frickin' pizza tonight!!"

"...Oh."

"Hmm?"

"She's standing right behind you, Lelouch. She heard every word you said."

"Then...then that means..."

"YEAH!! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!"

"WHOOOO-HOOOO..."

"Ah, but she's still going to kick you in the ass for ruining pizza night..."

"Ha ha ha! You're right about that!! Ha ha ha hah aha ha...!!!"

*BAM*


	60. THE FEASTING PRINCESS EPILOGUE

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

THE FEASTING PRINCESS EPILOGUE:

"Dude, I...I got something to tell ya, and I doubt you'll like it..."

"What is it, Rivalz?"

Rivalz spun around, and pointed over in the direction of Euphemia li Britannia, who was busy greedily shoving handfuls of french fries into her mouth. As of this point, she must have weighed at least 500 pounds. Her three chins wobbled up and down with every bite she took. Her immense dome of a belly hung so far between her thick thunder thighs that it nearly touched the floor. All of the students that passed by gave her weird, almost disgusted, looks. Of course, the pink-haired former princess was too distracted with stuffing herself to notice.

"Your girlfriend," Rivalz continued, his face pale, "I'm afraid she might eat me..."

Suzaku threw his head back and let out a hearty laugh. "Ha ha...oh, Rivalz. If, but most likely when, she begins to require the taste of human flesh to satisfy her ever-growing hunger...I'll make sure she eats you first!"

"Ah, thanks, Suzaku - Wait, what the fuck, man?!!"

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

"C'mon, Suzu-man! Don't do this to me!" Rivalz begged, "She's in the frickin' SUMO CLUB (the only member, in fact) for crying out loud!! If she goes after me to feast, she'll tear me apart and suck the meat off my bones through a goddamn straw!!!! I don't wanna be killed by that half-ton behemoth!!!"

Suzaku glared ominously at the blue-haired young man. "...I'd advise you not to call her a 'half-ton behemoth' in front of me..."

"R...Right..." Truth be told, Rivalz was even more frightened by Suzaku than he was by the waddling ball of fat that was now Euphemia.

"She is a perfect, petite goddess...and you will treat her as such!!" Suzaku barked. He was rather unwilling to accept his girlfriend's incredible obesity, so he continually told himself that she was a 'petite goddess'. The poor guy was only fooling himself, though. Right?

"Okay, okay!!"

"Also, don't touch her super-sexy, cellulite-layered, globular-sized ass cheeks, either...those are mine, and mine alone!!"

'WAIT...SO HE DOES ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT SHE'S AS HUGE AS CRAP?!!!' Rivalz thought, bewildered. He never knew that the brown-haired boy was actually an FA.

Suzaku sighed, looking as if he saw Rivalz as nothing more than an annoying obstacle to overcome. "Anyway...let's change the subject...where did Lelouch go with Michael Jackson?" he asked.

"They went to Michael Jackson's funeral..." Rivalz replied as he began to open his vanilla pudding cup.

"...Going to his own funeral, huh? Cheeky little bastards, they are..."

"Mmm-hmm...they were going to go to Lelouch's funeral after MJ's burial, and then have lunch at Applebee's..."

"Applebee's, huh...those sons of bitches!!!"

"Yeah, I know..."


	61. The Glaring Boobs

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

It's the NON-DESCRIPTIVE LuluSuzu corner (WITH 100% NON-YAOI)!!!

---------------------------

"Suzaku...I've been really scared to 'accidentally' walk in on Kallen in the shower these days..."

"What? Really? Why?"

"It's just...it's just...nah, I can't tell you..."

"Huh? Why not?!"

"Because...you'd think I was stupid..."

"Oh, please, Lelouch! There's no way I can go and think bad about you when it's already been proven in the canon that you're a total nimrod! Now...what's your problem with seeing naked lady flesh?"

"...They follow me..."

"...What?"

"The nipples."

"The...the nipples?"

"The nipples. They watch me. Whenever Kallen's eyes move, her nipples follow..."

"...What the fuck?!"

"It's like she has four eyes..."

"Oh my god...are you high or something?!"

"No! No, I'm not, Suzaku!!! I saw those plump little titties staring right back at me!!! It was like...bloodlust..."

"You know...thinking about it...and this Kallen we're talking about here...it DOES kinda make some sense..."

"Yeah, it does...BUT HOW?!!!"

"I DUNNO!!!!"

"I can't even sleep anymore without feeling like a pair of living nipples are staring at me...!!!"

"Yeah! Kinda reminds me of how Euphemia seems to morph into a snail every full moon..."

"...What?"


	62. Kingdom Geass Code Hearts

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. I do not own Kingdom Hearts, either.

* * *

Sora's eyes grew wide with excitement as the Gummi Ship broke through the airspace of a brand new world.

"Wow...this is so exciting!" he cried, "I wonder what sort of adventures we'll find here...!!"

"Now, Sora, don't forget that we have to find the keyhole," Donald reminded the young boy.

Sora rolled his eyes at the haughty duck. "Yeah, yeah...geez...stop trying to shove a stick up my ass all the time, Donald...it's cramping my style!!"

"Ahyuck! Sora...you don't have any style!" Goofy chuckled.

"The hell?! Goofy, I thought you were on my side!!" Sora gasped, looking seriously butthurt by the dog man's statement.

Donald laughed that annoying, ear-bleeding laugh of his. "Ha ha ha! Oh, Goofy! You got that faggot good...!!"

"Ahyuck! I did, didn't I?!"

Sora immediately unsheathed his keyblade, and waved it dangerously near his two anthropomorphic partners' faces. "BOTH OF YOU, SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW!!! I MEAN IT!!!"

"Keh heh heh...look, he's getting all upset, Goofy!" Donald cackled with glee. "What a big baby!!!"

Goofy fought back a wide grin forming on his lips. "Ahyuck! That's...that's not...heh heh...that's not n-nice, D-D-Donald...hoo hoo hoo..."

"You bastards!!! Have you been making fun of me all this time behind my back?!!" Sora's face slowly became flushed with rage.

"N...No...not...not...not...not r-really..." Goofy could say this much before he burst out into full-blown laughter. Donald soon joined him.

"We've been making bad sex jokes about you ever since we cleared Mulan's world!!" Donald admitted in between his inane giggles.

Sora's mouth fell agape; he had trusted these two nimrods with his life, and yet they did nothing but make a mockery of his every move? HOW DARE THEY!!!!

"YOU...YOU TRAITOROUS SWINE!!!"

Before Sora could attack them, a large, spear-like appendage suddenly tore through the Gummi Ship, slicing both Donald and Goofy in half without warning. Sora froze on the spot, and he was killed as well a moment later. As the Gummi Ship crumbled to pieces, the immense Knightmare Frame pulled its finger out. There was nothing left of the keyblade master or his idiotic cohorts.

'Phew...that was a close one!!' Lelouch thought, letting out a sigh of relief.


	63. Rakshita

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

"Hey, Rakshita!"

Rakshata Chawla glanced away from her clipboard and saw Lelouch standing in front of her, waving her ridiculously long smoking pipe around. Kallen's bleeding, smoldering corpse was lying a few feet behind him.

"What happens if I break this, Rakshita?" he asked.

Rakshata shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. Why don't we find out?"

"YES!!" Lelouch smashed the stick against the tiled floor, snapping it clean in half. Particles of ash were strewn all over the once-clean floor.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, Rakshata felt a tingling sensation begin to crawl up along her arms. Her tanned skin became a sickly shade of green. Her lips were drained of color, leaving them as white as snow. Pulsating forms started to all over her wide forehead. It became increasingly difficult to breath. Every nerve in her body was screaming in horrible, mind-numbing pain. Something began moving erraticallyabout within the confines of her belly. Her eyes started to bulge outwards. Her fingernails shattered apart, and her fingers fell off. Her long light-blonde hair turned black. Blood poured out of her nostrils in heavy streams. Giant, feathered wings sprouted from her back. She opened her mouth to scream, but no words would come out; only a low, horrific moan that was unlike anything Lelouch had ever heard in his entire life.

"Jesus Christ...for some reason, I figured this was exactly what would happen...and I was right!!"

Lelouch quickly ran off without another word. He figured it would be best not to mention this to the others.

Three minutes later, Rakshata blew apart in a horrific explosion of blood and guts...


	64. Currently More Sex Jokes

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N" This is closest thing to a Lemon I've written in a long time...:P I think I'll try to write some more lemons or something...

* * *

It was while shoving his thick, sticky penis deeply into Euphemia's vagina on the kitchen floor that Suzaku realized something very, very important.

"...Wait, you said 'no', didn't you?"

"Yes, Suzaku, I did, " Euphemia breathed, her face red and her eyes brimming with tears, "I...I said 'no'...!! I said it a thousand times over until my throat was sore, but you...but you just wouldn't listen!!!"

Suzaku thought for a moment. "So, then...I'm raping you? Is that what's happening here? We're not having consented sex? I'm just raping you? Is that really the truth...?!"

"Y-Yes, Suzaku...I'm being taken advantage of by the very man I trusted my life with...that's you, by the way..."

"Oh...I see..." Suzaku stared at Euphemia, then at his dick, then back at Euphemia again. He shrugged.

"...Suzu?" Euphemia whimpered in hopes the teen had finally seen the light.

"Ah, well...it's just like they say; the closer they are to you, the deeper they'll hurt you!" Suzaku chuckled, and he went straight back to thrusting harder than ever. It hurt so badly for the poor woman because they decided to skip on the lubricant.

Euphemia cursed under her breath; she was really tired of being raped all the time. Not only had her father and older sister taken cruelly advantage of her, but even that kindly old man who ran the candy store sodomized her once or twice. She never considered herself to be a whore, but she didn't bother putting up much of a fight when it happened, and even then she still kind of enjoyed the feeling.

'Should I be ashamed or turned on?' she wondered, '...Ah, what the hell, I'll just feel both...'


	65. Recipe For Geass

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

"Recipe for Geass: take military occupation, genocide, fighting robots, and frequently nude high school girls with the bodies of 25 year old super models giggling about a first kiss like they were in 5th grade. Mix in some bewildering interactions and unidentifiable emotions and bake in Japan. It's kind of like watching the history channel narrated by your ten year old nephew after a blow to the head."

"...You got that off the Adult Swim website, you faggot."

"Shut up, Lulu."

"God, I hate you."

"Good. I hate you too."

"Yeah. Me too."

"Be quiet."

"Whatever."


	66. Getting Groenified

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. Nor do I own Simpsons or Family Guy.

A/N: I've been watching too much Simpsons lately, since I have nothing else to do...I want to watch Family Guy, but I can't find any good sites...

I don't hate Groening, either, but Lelouch and the others sure do. They've been wanting to kill him for years.

* * *

The moment Lelouch Lamperouge awoke that morning, he knew something was different.

'Strange...' he thought, 'Why do my eyes feel so round and...and bulgy?'

As he climbed out of bed, even more oddities became noticeable to Lelouch. The entire room was a much brighter color and painfully less detailed, as if someone who wasn't Japanese had drawn it. Suddenly, while brushing out the creases in the bed covers, Lelouch realized something even more horrifying: his skin was yellow, and both of his hands now possessed only four fingers instead of the usual five. It made him want to weep.

"Oh...oh my god!!"

Rushing to a nearby mirror, Lelouch saw that his entire face was yellow, and his upper lip was jutting out in an almost cartoony fashion. Lelouch fell to his knees, cupped his head in his hands, and began to sob loudly. All around the world, thousands upon thousands of people were suffering the same symptoms. They had all been...physically tampered with. Or something of that nature.

Slowly, his eyes still dripping with tears, Lelouch unsheathed a small blade from his pocket. A sadistic look was in his eyes.

'...It looks like it's finally time to kill Matt Groening...' he thought, smirking devilishly, 'I mean, seriously...he could have at least made us into Futurama-style or something; at least we'd still have our normal-colored skin, for crying out loud!'

Suddenly, a large tentacled alien with a space helmet and C.C.'s luscious green hair came bursting into the room. "LET ME SHOOT THE FAT BASTARD'S BRAINS OUT...!!!" it roared.

A white dog with Kallen's spiky hairdo came in soon after, drinking a martini. "Do you want me to make an interchangeable joke that has nothing to do with the current plot...?"

"No...I'd rather you didn't, little doggy..."

"Okay, then!"


	67. F U DOLPHIN

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: I wrote this on request from a friend. It came out really bad since I half-assed it.

Will there possibly be a continuation? Who knows...?

* * *

C.C. could not even remember how long it had been since she last visited the beach early in the morning, so early in fact that she was the only one there. The sun was still steadily rising over the horizon, illuminating the calm ocean surface with its ultra-violet rays of light. The salty sea air filled the emerald-haired girl's nostrils. Having abandoned her straitjacket for the day, C.C. wore a simple tank-top and shorts to cover her lanky frame. Brown sandals adorned her feet.

"It's too bad Lelouch and Kalley-kins can't come and enjoy this with me too; they're always so worn out after their little battles with the mean ol' Britannia Empire every night that they tend to sleep in. Heh heh...what a bunch of unruly children..."

Suddenly, C.C.'s monologue was cut short by a bellowing symphony of strange, high-pitched screeches coming from far out in the water. It was a pack of majestic bottle-nose dolphins, most likely searching for fish to eat. In all of the many centuries that she had been alive, this was only the third time C.C. had ever seen actual live dolphins in the wild.

A soft smile formed itself on the immortal woman's lips as she watched the dolphins leap out of the water and twirl gracefully in the air before plunging back into the depths below. It was a marvelous sight to behold.

"Hmm...maybe I should join them..." C.C. smirked.

Since she neglected to bring along a bathing suit of any kind, or even a bra and panties for that matter, C.C. simply stripped herself nude before charging into the water. She did not even bother to make sure no one would see her; why should she bother hiding such a wonderful specimen of curvy deliciousness such as herself from the public anyway?

"Ooh...it's cold..." C.C. ignored the chill running up and down her bare skin as best as she could. She quickly paddled over to the dolphins, who didn't even try to run away. They really were friendly animals.

One of the dolphins, who had an odd Geass-like scar over its left fin, let out a squeak as it brushed up against C.C.. Its rubbery skin made C.C. giggle. It seemed like the marine mammal wanted something from her.

'Now that I think about it...what am I doing out here?' C.C. wondered.

Suddenly, she looked into the dolphin's eyes...and realized they were glowing brightly. The other dolphins surrounding them were nowhere to be seen. It was just C.C. and this lone dolphin, far away from the safety of shore. The dolphin was letting out a low gurgling noise, as if it were chuckling to itself. C.C. could not pull herself away; this dolphin possessed a Geass, one so powerful that it actually bypassed the green-haired woman's ability to negate the effects of Geass on herself.

"You've fallen into my grand illusion...little missy...I tricked you out here to be my dinner..." the dolphin purred. It slowly leaned in, its large mouth gaping wide...and then a spear pierced into its backside.

"...What?!"

"FUCK YOU, DOLPHIN!!!"

Both C.C. and the wounded dolphin let out gasps of bewilderment as a gang of middle-aged Japanese fishermen came charging towards them, brandishing long wooden spears. The dolphin was already using its Geass on C.C., so it had no way to defend itself as the fishermen pounced upon it. Blood flowed into the ocean water as the dolphin was torn apart maliciously by the infuriated Japanese.

Feeling totally lost for the first time in her life, C.C. quickly swam back to shore, got dressed, and rushed back to Ashford Academy. She never wanted to even go near the ocean for the rest of her immortal life.


	68. Kallen And Her Fat Ass

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: I wrote this really, really quick.

* * *

_**KALLEN'S FAAAAAAT ASS (But we still love it anyway):**_

"Kallen, if you were able to have a Geass, would you-"

"On my ass."

"...What?"

"Place the teacup...on my ass. Do it right now, Lelouch."

"Uh...the teacup? This teacup...right here?"

"Yes."

"You are talking about the teacup I am holding in my hands...AT THIS VERY SECOND?"

"Yup."

"...Very well. If you spill my tea, you die."

"Ah, yeah."

"Whoa..."

"Heh."

"Whoooooa..."

"Heh heh."

"This...this is..."

"Heh heh heh."

"HOLY CRAP, YOU HAVE A FAAAAAAT ASS, KALLEN!!!"

"I know! You like it, don't ya?"

"It's like...it's like you got an entire desk built back there! No, a better description would be...it's like the back of a fucking pick-up truck! How does it fit on a toilet seat without slipping off the sides? I mean, damn...not even Sir Mix-a-Lot would be able to withstand THAT booty! Damn, bitch!!! What you packing back there? M-80s? Nah...not even explosives could blow up a butt THIS big! I...I can't look away from the bootiliciousness!!"

"Uh-huh...keep talkin', big boy..."

"It's so squishy and soft...and it tastes like corned beef if you suckle on it! If I slap it, it bounces!!"

"DON'T TOUCH IT! YOU CAN LOOK...BUT NO TOUCHIE!"

"You may have the fattest ass in the world, Kallen, but we still love it anyways!"

"Tee-hee!!"

"...Now if only we can get that fat to distribute throughout the rest of your body..."

"What?"

"Nothing! I said nothing..."


	69. The Men Who Stare At Other Men

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: The Men Who Stare At Goats was actually the first movie I bothered to go see at a theater in the last 4 years. I dunno why; I did read the book, so I wanted to check it out. It was a fun experience.

Also...The Silence of The Goats.

* * *

**THE MEN WHO STARE AT OTHER MEN:**

Suzaku tried to ignore it, but he couldn't help but feel a bit unnerved. He slammed the novel he was reading (The Unofficial Guide To Lesbian Sex) and placed it down upon the counter. He continued to stare straight ahead at the blank white wall in front of him. However, the uneasy feeling he felt just wouldn't go away...all because Lelouch wouldn't stop staring at him.

"Stop it, Lelouch."

"But," Lelouch let out a heavy sigh, "You're just so pretty..."

Suzaku blinked. "What?"

"I said you're pretty...and it's true. Do you have a problem with taking compliments, Suzaku?"

"Uh..." Suzaku looked around to make sure no one was listening in. No one was. "No, I don't."

Lelouch giggled. "I'm glad you don't."

"Okay...what the hell are you doing?" Suzaku asked, shifting nervously in his seat. Lelouch just wouldn't stop staring at him.

"Suzaku..." Lelouch whispered in the softest of whispers.

"Y...Yes?"

Lelouch leaned in closer, still giggling like a schoolgirl who's just been asked out to the prom. "Suzakuuuuu..."

"What is it, Lelouch?! You're really creeping me out!"

"Suzaku."

"What?"

"Suzaku?"

"What!"

"Suzakuuuuu...?!"

"WHAAAAAAT?!!!"

"Goodbye."

Lelouch blinked for the first time in the past five minutes, and Suzaku's heart instantly imploded, and the brown-haired boy collapsed to the floor. Lelouch smirked to himself.

'Jedi Warrior my ass...I shall be a Geass Warrior!'


	70. The Truth of Reality

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. Nor do I own anything by Matt Groening.

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Contrary to popular belief...this is not a Thanksgiving-themed chapter.

* * *

It was nearly midnight, and Lelouch was still awake. He just couldn't bring himself to sleep; he had this terribly uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt as if he had just downed six cups of coffee and an entire bowl of sugar. It was pitch black all around, and yet he sat straight up in bed, staring right into the wall across the room. For some reason, he wanted to cry.

He gasped when a small hand pressed against his bare back.

"Lelouch..." it was C.C.'s voice, "Go to sleep..."

Lelouch shook his head. "I can't, C.C...I'm too distracted,"

"Distracted?" C.C. sat up as well, "Distracted by what?" she asked.

"I can't help but think...that none of this is real," Lelouch murmured, his voice barely audible.

C.C. let out a snort. "Not real? This is ALL real, Lelouch; all of it. There's nothing here that isn't real."

"I...I know that...or at least I should...but I can't help but think that maybe we're all...a bunch of lies..."

C.C. scooted over a little and wrapped her lithe arms around the full of Lelouch's hairless chest. "You worry too much sometimes," she purred.

"I do, don't I?"

"Yeah...heh heh...it can be cute sometimes, but it's normally a fucking pain in the ass..."

"What harsh words coming from a lady...are you sure you're not some sort of tomeboy or dyke or something?"

"Pheh. How stereotypical and shallow of you, sir. Besides, look who's talking about being gay, Mr. I-Was-Giving-Suzaku-CPR-Even-Though-He-Didn't-Need-It!"

"...Touche."

"Anyway, you're keeping me up with your stupid musing, so save it for tommorrow morning or something, alright?"

"No! I can't! I'll forget all about it if I don't think about it now!"

"That makes no sense..."

"I don't care! I'm really freaking out over the idea that we might just be some washed-out loser's imagination gone wild...!!"

"Stop it."

"No! I cannot, and I will not!"

"STOP IT!!"

"NOOOO! All of the evidence is there...or here! Wherever!"

"Lelouch, you're being an idiot! WE. ARE. RE-"

* * *

"-EY, IDIOT, WAKE UP!!"

"Waaaaaah!!" Philip J. Fry immediately bounced to his feet. His robotic pal Bender was giving him a harsh glare.

"Finally, meatbag!" The metal man waved his long arms in the air, "I thought you'd NEVER wake up...!!"

"S-Sorry...I got bored, and I started daydreaming...really weird stuff, actually..." Fry chuckled nervously.

"Whatever. I may be programmed to bend but I wasn't programmed to care...let's just go already. Gotta pick up some booze."

"Right! Let's go!"

Throwing on his jacket, the redheaded boy quickly dashed out of the room, Bender close by his side...


	71. Tubby Kalley

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

"Ugh..."

All of the coloring in Kallen Stadtfeld's face drained away as she stared at herself in the bedroom mirror, wearing only her bra and panties. Her girlfriend of about a year, C.C., was lying on the king-size bed behind her, flipping through the pages of an old swimsuit magazine. A string of melted cheese dangled out from the side of her mouth. The two women had just finished eating a rather heavy lunch of Sicilian pizza less than a half-hour ago. Kallen let out a soft whimper as she brought her hands upon the soft, bloated pot belly that was now her stomach.

"My god...how did I get so huge?" Kallen mumbled, recoiling in disgust as she watched her stomach shake wildly from the slightest touch; it was like looking at a big glob of creamy-white jelly. Her breasts had gone up at least two sizes over the past 3 months, and her ass cheeks were more defined and bouncy than ever, jutting out several inches behind her like the meaty spheres they were. The remainder of her waist had gone flabby, with chunky love-handles that poured over the rim of her frilly panties. Her face was a tad more rounded, and her neck was thicker. All in all, the redheaded ex-rebel had gotten quite plump at 189 pounds.

"Please, you're not fat, Kalley," C.C. cooed as she licked the cheese off of her cheek, "You're just...big-boned,"

"I wasn't big-boned about a year ago!" Kallen exclaimed.

"Oh...you got me, then."

"Ooh, I really don't like this...I'm so fat...it must be because of all the pizza we eat..."

"W-WHAT?!" Throwing the magazine carelessly over her shoulder, C.C. jumped off the bed and landed on her feet. The carefree expression she was wearing just before had been replaced with one of worry.

"No! It's certainly not because of the pizza! I'm sure of it! We don't need to stop eating pizza! Not at all! You just...uh, need to exercise a bit more, or something, okay?" The green-haired woman hastily assured her. Kallen could tell that this was an obvious ploy on C.C.'s part to save her deliciously cheesy snack, but she decided not to bring that up. A warm, tingling sensation flowed throughout her body as C.C. gave her a light kiss on the lips.

"Look, I'll help you lose weight if you really want to, but," C.C. wrapped her arms around Kallen's pudgy frame and squeezed tightly, "You're just SO adorable when you're chubby like this! So squishy and soft, like my old Cheese-kun doll!"

"S-Stop...you're embarrassing me." Kallen's entire face flushed brightly at her lover's comments.

"Oh, but it's true...a big, fluffy pillow..." C.C. slid a thin hand around Kallen's chunky waist, and gently patted the redhead's left buttock.

"Aah...you're...you're touching my ass, C.C...."

"Mmm...my deliciously luscious Kalley-Walley...come here and let me taste you." C.C. licked her lips hungrily, and embraced Kallen with a more powerful, more passionate kiss. Tongue lashed violently against tongue, saliva dribbling down their chins as the euphoria they shared began to reach a fevered pitch. Kallen could feel herself growing wet. C.C.'s hand tore itself away from Kallen's bum, and moved near her throbbing crotch...

...and then Kallen's stomach let out a loud growl of hunger.

"Ah." C.C. glanced down at the rotund gut that was brushing up against her washboard stomach.

Kallen's face flushed even further. "Goddammit...how can I still be hungry?! I just ate less than an hour ago!"

The mood now completely ruined for them both, C.C. continued to remain oddly optimistic. "Aww, you're hungry? That's so cute!!"

"No, it's not! I hate it!"

"Well, we still have some pizza left over in the kitchen, I'm sure. How about that?" C.C. suggested.

"I dunno..." Kallen's belly growled again, "...Okay, fine. Just one slice, though!"

C.C. dashed out of the bedroom and quickly made her way over to the kitchen. The pizza pie was lying out in its box on the counter table, nearly all of its heat gone. As the green-haired girl carefully lifted a single slice out with her right hand, she used her other hand to pull out a small can of powder from her back-pocket. The powder that was contained within the can was a special weight-gain formula that she had forced Lloyd Asplund to create for her. Every meal that Kallen has eaten for the past month has been sprinkled with this fattening concoction, which greatly increases the amount of calories of the food. This was the reason why Kallen was getting so fat lately.

"Heh heh heh...my little Kalley-Walley, so soft and plump...just the way I like my lovers," C.C. mused under her breath. She unscrewed the cap, and gingerly took out a tiny pinch of the powder and dropped it onto the pizza, watching it immediately dissolve into the gooey cheese. Sure, it was only one slice, and it would hardly have any impact of Kallen's bloated figure, but every calorie counted in C.C.'s eyes.

'I love it...'

* * *

_About 2 months and a half later..._

"Huff...huff...huff..."

Kallen's cherubic, double-chinned face was drenched with sweat as she trudged across the track field. Her giant breasts bounced up and down with every heavy step she took. She wore a light-red sweat-jacket with matching sweatpants, and despite being an XXXL size, the clothes still clung tightly to her obese frame. Her humongous, tubby gut swayed in every which direction, jiggling all over. Her impressively large ass-cheeks were performing the same seductive maneuver, the peak of her butt-crack poking out from over the edge of her pants. She clenched and unclenched her pale sausage-like fingers several times. No part of this woman could be considered "small" in the slightest. At this moment, the redhead currently weighed around 221 pounds of beautiful fat and flab.

"Oh man...I don't know how much more I can run..." Kallen knelt forward and took a deep breath. Despite having only run two and a quarter laps so far, she was completely worn out. Suddenly, she felt a small hand land upon her shoulder. It was C.C., dressed in a simple white tank-top and shorts, as well as a baseball cap adorned the top of her head. The sun was shining down directly above her, giving the green-haired woman an almost ethereal presence.

"You shouldn't be running around in such heavy clothes like this when it's so hot out, Kalley," C.C. explained, "You might suffer heat stroke!"

"But..." Kallen was still trying to catch her breath, "But...but I need to lose weight...I'm huge..."

"No, you don't. You're perfectly fine."

"No...I...I..."

C.C. smiled widely. "Look, let's just go back home, okay? There's a big can of chocolate mint ice cream in the freezer with your name on it..."

"What? Really?!" Kallen's face immediately lit up; she could never bring herself to say 'no' to ice cream. C.C.'s grin widened even further.

She had originally planned on fattening up the redhead into immobility, but since that would have caused major damage to her girlfriend's health, she decided that at least 300 pounds would be good enough. Giggling, C.C. wrapped her arms around Kallen to hug her, and felt slight arousment upon realizing her fingertips barely reach the center of Kallen's gut.

She was also mildly surprised that she had been able to keep Kallen from realizing her true weight for so long too.

"Kalley, you've been working so hard lately, staying in shape...I think I'll cook you up a big feast for dinner tonight!"

Kallen gave her lover a puzzled look. "...YOU'LL cook?"

"Well, it'll be some Chinese immigrant who's doing all the hard stuff...I'll just serve it to you."

"Heh. I figured."

On the way back to the apartment room, C.C. and Kallen decided to stop at a local diner for some lunch. C.C. simply ordered a cup of coffee, while Kallen got a big greasy triple-stack cheeseburger and a plate of steak fries, along with a frosty chocolate milkshake. C.C. watched in mesmerized awe as Kallen practically inhaled her entire meal without any regard for table manners. Some of the nearby onlookers made no attempt to make their words of disapproval and repulsion subtle, but neither C.C. nor Kallen paid them any mind. After paying the bill for the hearty meal (Kallen had to loosen her sweatpants even further to ease the discomfort caused by her bloated stomach), the couple finally returned home.

"Man, I'm full," Kallen belched loudly as she gave her gut a light slap, which sent ripples flowing through her doughy love-handles, "I'm gonna go and take a shower...all of that running around really made me sweaty!"

"Alright..." C.C.'s eyes remained glued to Kallen's wobbling giant ass cheeks all the way until the redhead had vanished up the staircase. Kallen's breathing became labored as she forced herself up each stair step, her entire body jiggling all over. Instead of simply making the connection that her difficulty with climbing the stairs was due to her obesity, Kallen's brain had her convinced that she was just achy from having neglected to do her stretching after the track run. She knew she had to lose weight, but she still didn't realize just how bad she had let it become.

'I feel kind of bad for doing this to Kallen...but if that Earl of Pudding bastard finishes that medicine that can negate the side-effects of obesity soon enough, then everything will be fine!' C.C. solemnly thought to herself as she made her way into the kitchen. She grabbed the large can of chocolate mint ice cream out of the freezer, and dumped nearly half of all the weight gain powder into it. If C.C.'s plan worked the way she hoped, then Kallen would have put on another 20 glorious pounds to her frame before the end of the day. It was so sneaky and underhanded, just the way the immortal green-haired woman loved it. Things just kept getting better as Kallen's pants size continued to rise.

All she really needed to do was simply sit back and enjoy watching her beloved Kallen grow bigger and bigger...


	72. Viletta Nightmare of Fudge

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

Every now and then, in the midst of the night, Viletta Nu would find herself haunted by a very strange dream.

The dream starts off in a rather casual manner. Viletta was sitting alone on the bleachers by the track field at Ashford Academy. A group of girls in gym uniforms were running laps, all of them sweating and out of breath. Viletta was also wearing her coaching uniform. The sun was hovering high above them, blazing down upon their poor heads without relent. There was nothing but empty silence as the girls circled the track about two more times.

Finally, one of the girls broke away from the group, and began making her way towards Viletta. It was Shirley Fenette. She wore an annoyed expression, and her pale skin gleamed beautifully in the sunlight. Viletta smiled a bit.

"Yes? Is there something wrong, Shirley?" Viletta asked lucidly.

"Ms. Nu, I...I don't mean to be rude, but...but," Shirley took in a deep breath, "I really think we're the last ones out here that need to be doing these laps!"

"What makes you say that? I'm the teacher, you know, and I tell you guys whatever the board of education wants us to do."

"That may be true, but...just look at that gut of yours!! You're the one who needs some exercise around here!" Shirley pointed out.

Viletta glanced down, and her mouth fell agape upon seeing the large, blubbery pot belly that she didn't even realize she had just several minutes ago. Her fat stomach was pouring down over the front of her shorts, with love handles on the sides. Even worse, she saw that she was holding an extra-large bag of potato chips in her left hand, and it was already halfway empty. The incredible tightness in her clothes finally became apparent to the silver-haired woman as well. Shirley suddenly started to laugh in a high, shrill voice.

"FATTIE FATTIE FATTIE FATTIE FATTIE FATTIE FATTIE FATTIE BIG OL' FATTIE!!! KEEP ON GETTING FATTER, YOU DISGUSTING PIG!!!"

Instead of trying to talk back or even stand up, Viletta started shoveling handfuls of potato chips into her mouth, her belly roaring with hunger. She kept eating and eating, as if her stomach had suddenly taken total control over her mind. Her flabby stomach slowly swelled outwards; it took on a more rounded, spherical shape. The other track girls, originally slim and fit, were now replaced with chubbified versions of themselves. However, the speed at which they ran only seemed to increase.

By the time Viletta had finished the bag, her stomach had grown to the size of a fully-inflated beach-ball. Poor Viletta let out a loud groan as she struggled to lift herself up. Shirley continued to taunt the older woman, although now she too had a fairly large gut of her own. Her cheeks were the size of basketballs, taking up nearly all of her face in the process. Viletta groaned again as she waddled down the steps to get off the bleachers.

"YOU'RE FAT, VILETTA! YOU'RE FAT! YOU'RE THE FATTEST THING ALIVE!!" Shirley screeched.

Viletta belched. "I'm...I'm just a little," she paused to belch again, "A little bit bloated, is all..."

"LIES! DON'T LIE TO ME! YOU LIKE IT, DON'T YOU?! YOU LIKE THE FLAB, YOU SICK, TWISTED FAT BITCH!"

Viletta's face steadily inflated with fat as she mumbled, "I...I don't know...what you're saying..."

"YES...YOU...DO!!!"

Suddenly, the ground underneath Viletta's feet crumbled away, and the engorged woman screamed as she tumbled down into the darkness below.

Shirley vanished into thin air, as did the track team, and eventually Viletta landed atop a large pink mattress, her fat body jiggling wildly. By this point her stomach had already grown past her knees, and the globs of flab were lurching along the corners of her incredibly thick thunder thighs. Her gigantic, luscious booty stuck out several inches behind her. Viletta looked around in a daze, although she was completely surrounded in darkness. She let loose a tiny fart.

Out of nowhere, a large bag of fudge brownies dropped down in front of the chubby adult. "There you go, piggy...eat it all up and show us how fat you've gotten," sneered a voice that greatly resembled Jeremiah's.

All of her common sense now gone and replaced with endless hunger, Viletta viciously tore the bag open and practically buried her head inside as she ate. Her humongous paunch groaned and churned in protest, but Viletta just kept eating. Her fat FF-cup breasts were beginning to become too much for her laced bra, which was already stretched to its limits as it is. Her shorts now resembled a thong, and they were becoming increasingly obscured by the swelling of her corpulent ass and thighs. Pretty soon, her overall weight slipped past 300 pounds.

"BUUURP! That was good." Viletta wiped some crumbs off of her double-chin as she laid back onto the bed, fully stuffed to the brim. She gingerly ran her plump fingers along her flabby love-handles and massive legs, every so often giving them a quick squeeze. Her gut dangled over the bottom half of her waist like an apron of tanned flesh, so wide in size that Viletta could not even wrap her arms fully around it. She was more of a whale than a human now.

A few seconds passed uninterrupted, and then, slowly, something began to emerge out of the darkness. It was a drill. Viletta shrieked, and attempted to get up, but she was still unused to possessing such monumental girth. The poor woman was left immobilized by her own body, and the drill's spinning tip pierced a hole into her soft belly-

"AAAAAAAH!!!"

Around this point is when Viletta usually wakes up, sweating profusely and shivering. After calming herself down with a few deep breaths, the woman would immediately pounce out of bed and rush to the nearest mirror. As expected, she was still as trim and fit as ever. She sighed in relief. Viletta was never able to decipher just what that dream really meant, if it meant anything at all. Just imagining herself being so disgustingly obese made her cringe. Unless the other choice was death or cancer or something, then she would never choose to voluntarily become fat.

Still, that dream always gave her a powerful craving for chocolate fudge...and to smack Shirley across the face really, really hard.


	73. Lelouch Loves Pokemon

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass...or Pokemon for that matter.

* * *

It was late at night, and C.C. had just finally fallen asleep after a rather long pizza binge, when she was suddenly woken up by a triumphant cry from Lelouch. The boy's sound volume was always turned up all the way, but tonight he was exceptionally loud.

"WAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT, DIALGA AND PALKIA! YOU TWO MAY HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL SPACE AND TIME, BUT NOW YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO OBEY MY EVERY ORDER!!! NO MONSTER CAN OVERCOME THE POWER OF THE ALMIGHTY HUMAN! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!!!"

C.C. sighed heavily into her pillow. Ever since Lelouch had gotten into Pokemon, he had actually begun resorting to using his Geass powers to hypnotize young children into trading their most powerful creatures with him, and he would spent hours upon hours every day just sitting in his room and playing the game. For some odd reason, he seemed disturbingly obsessed with getting every last Pokemon ever so as to complete his Pokedex fully and utterly, despite it holding essentially no actual baring for him in real life, or even in the game itself for that matter. It was all so pointless that it made C.C. actually want to facepalm, which was something she had sworn in the past to never do under any circumstance.

"THAT'S RIGHT, NONE OF YOU 'ELITE FOUR' FAGGOTS STAND A CHANCE AGAINST MY ALL MIGHTY ARMY! COWER, FAGGOTS...COWER!!!! I WISH I COULD BURN YOU ALL SO I CAN SHOW YOU JUST HOW POWERFUL THE FURY OF MY WRATH TRULY IS!!!! BEND OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE THE WHORE YOU ARE, CYNTHIA!!!"

C.C. had been alive since the dark ages, and not once had she ever actually seen the appeal in the Pokemon phenomenon, finding it as nothing more than a never-dying, overblown cash-cow with way too much merchandise and a crappy anime drawn by a bunch of middle-aged men. She just wished she could understand how people who were far out of their childhood years could still hold any interest in such a shitty game series. Why did a guy like Lelouch enjoy it so much?

"OH FUCK IT, CYNTHIA, YOU AIN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! SHIT, MY BEAUTIFUL GARDEVOIR, HOW I WISH I COULD FUCK YOU IN YOUR TIGHT, FURRY PUSSY, AND SPILL MY COMEUPPANCE ALL OVER YOUR LUSCIOUS BREASTS!!!"

In that instant, C.C. finally realized the answer to her century-long question. She also know understood why Suzaku kept calling out 'CHARIZARD!' while he was masturbating in the shower a week back...


	74. Lelouch Finds Out

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Code Geass robots and characters are going to be in some new crossover mecha game for the PS3, I've heard...thus the ending of this short story.

* * *

_In the Ashford Academy's courtyard..._

"Lelouch! Lelouch! Leloooooooouuuuuuuch!"

Lelouch Lamperouge lifted his head out from between the pages of his text book to see his childhood friend Suzaku Kururugi running towards him with an unusually hurried sprint in his step. Picking himself up off the soft grass, Lelouch got a better look at Suzaku as he drew closer. The poor Japanese boy wore a disturbed expression on his face as if he had just become aware of some kind of horrible news. Coincidentally, that was exactly the reason why.

"Lelouch!"

"...What is it, Suzaku?"

"Lelouch!"

"What?"

"LELOOOOOUUUUUUUU-"

"I SAID, WHAT IS IT?"

Suzaku paused. "...I've learned of something bad a moment ago. Very bad."

"Huh?" Lelouch couldn't help but begin to feel a bit worried himself, "What...what do you mean?"

Suddenly, the brown-haired youth grabbed his lanky friend by the shoulders, as if his legs were about to give out. Suzaku slowly leaned in until his face was just an inch or so from touching Lelouch's. Several girls who passed by let out squeals of delight. Finally, after taking several deep breaths, Suzaku revealed the horrifying information.

"They're making more Code Geass stuff for the blubbering masses, but...the only returning character as far as we know is C.C..."

A powerful urge to weep uncontrollably suddenly overcame Lelouch, but he held back the tears as best he could. "W-What?" he choked out.

"And it takes place in the past...with ninjas..."

"No...no...no...no..." Lelouch broke away from Suzaku's grasp and stumbled backwards onto his bottom, his entire body violently shaking all over as he tried to comprehend the fact that his very existence was about to be compromised, "No...no...no...NO! ANYTHING BUT NARUTO!"

"It's not really Naruto, though-"

"IF IT HAS NINJAS, THEN IT'S NARUTO, AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED! BELIEVE IT! OR NOT, I DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN."

"Err...whatever you say, Lelouch..."

Lelouch stood back up once more, and his short-lived fear was now replaced with a powerful, burning rage. "Suzaku," barked the teen, "Is there anything we can do? I want to rape C.C., and then kill that little ninja bastard who thinks he can replace me...or maybe I'll just rape both of them! Can we do that?"

Suzaku shook his head.

"FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

And thus, the poor boy was forced to live with being pushed aside for new protagonists...until the Gundam team came and recruited him and his posse into their army.


	75. BE all you can be

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: I wrote this a long time back, before I even did any other Code Geass fics, as a request on another site...I apologize it's not very good, runs out of descriptions pretty quickly and out of character for both Kallen and C.C., but then again this is a complication of CG crack fics.

* * *

Kallen Stadtfeld's heart was pounding loudly against her ribcage as the redhead steadily made her way towards C.C.'s quarters late one night. She despised the idea of having to ask the pizza witch for help, but she had little choice. She wanted to be of use to Zero and the rebellion, to be able to fight next to his side and be respected as one of his closest allies. She wanted to make a difference in Japan as a fighter of justice.

Most of all, though, she wanted to earn both Zero's love and his undying trust.

"...C.C.? I...I need to talk to you." Kallen gently rapped her knuckle against the girl's bedroom door. There was silence for a few moments, and then the door creaked open. A youthful face peered out, strands of lime-green hair hanging down in front of her face. She didn't look very pleased to have a visitor at such an unexpected time. Kallen felt uneasy as she tried to form the words in her mind of what to say next.

"What is it? I was sleeping, you know..." mumbled C.C.

"I'm sorry...I just couldn't wait until tomorrow to talk to you."

"Why?"

"Because...because I can't risk letting the others know about it...at least not right away,"

"I see. And...just what is 'it'?"

Kallen gulped.

"Yes?" C.C. was getting a bit annoyed now.

"I," Kallen took in a deep breath, and then she continued, "I want you to give me a Geass like you did for Zero...so I can make a difference for the rebellion just like he did!"

C.C. stared back at the redhead before her with a completely straight look on her face, and once about fifteen seconds quietly rolled by, she asked aloud, "You're serious, huh? For real?"

"...Yes."

Stepping out into the hallway, C.C. revealed herself to be wearing Cheese-kun pajamas. They fit quite well over the curves of the girl's body, clinging tightly to her pale skin. She heaved a heavy sigh that inadvertently filled Kallen's nostrils with a faint scent of double-cheese pizza.

"Not even I know just what abilities you'll obtain from it," C.C. warned her friend.

"I don't care."

"If something goes wrong, you better not hold me responsible...because I don't deal well with responsibility..."

"I won't, okay? Just give me the power of the Geass!" Kallen was beginning to grow impatient, but she didn't mean to snap like that.

C.C. smirked. "I never said I would."

"WHAAA-?"

Putting her hands on her hips, C.C. gently tapped her index finger against Kallen's forehead, chastising her, "Do you really believe I'd give you a Geass so easily just because you want to help Zero? They're incredibly dangerous if used for the wrong reasons by the wrong people!"

"I won't use it for anyone but Zero! I promise!"

"If the emperor finds out about it, then he'll make every effort to capture you to gain an advantage over the rebels!"

"You just need to trust me, okay? I'll do everything I can to make sure nothing goes wrong."

It did not seem that C.C. would be able to succeed in talking Kallen out of her plan to obtain a Geass. She really wanted to get back to sleep, too. She had little choice but to comply at this point. She just hoped that what she was about to do wouldn't be followed with grave consequences.

"Okay...fine! You can have a Geass! I'm sleepy, so I'll make this quick! I will make sure that you don't let things go to your head and start using it for your own personal reasons...or else I will have to take you out. No hard feelings. Whatever happens to you will be your own responsibility..."

"I understand."

The process of receiving a Geass was much quicker than Kallen had expected; she went through a rather bizarre sequence of visions, and her head was pounding when it was done, but she now felt incredibly different, like a great power buried deep within her soul had finally been freed from its prison. She brought her hands up to her face as if expecting to feel something there. She wondered if anything had actually happened.

Suddenly, she felt her chest tighten, and then...it began to expand.

"W-WHAT...?"

"Eh?"

"Ah...ah...ahh! My...my breasts! T-They're getting bigger all of the s-s-sudden...! What is this?" Kallen shrieked in utter horror. The color drained from her face, but only moments later became replaced with a bright, scarlet flush.

Even C.C., who usually wore a stoic face, looked on in utter amazement as her ally's tits steadily thrust forward and out. Already the redhead had possessed an impressive rack at her age and her slim size, but now even the baggy pajamas she was wearing were starting to get tight in the chest area. Kallen placed her hands upon her breasts, feeling the soft, swelling skin fill between the spaces of her fingers. A feeling of pure euphoria washed over Kallen's body, a wonderful sensation that made her knees grow weak. A groan escaped Kallen's lips.

"K...Kallen...your breasts...they're..." C.C. gasped.

"Oooooh," Kallen cooed softly, "Oooh man...it feels so good..."

A loud pop resonated in the cool silence of the hallway as several of Kallen's pajama buttons flew off in various directions. Her breasts flopped outwards and hung a few inches down over her flat stomach. Her nipples were plump and shiny. Despite their ever-increasing size, Kallen's tits had no sign of stretching or unsightly veins to be seen. Her boobs continued to bulge further and further, like heavy bags filled with sand. Kallen lurched forward due to the heaviness of her chest since she could not keep herself standing up straight anymore. The pleasure in her unexpected expansion became mixed with the aching pain in her back.

"Kallen..." C.C. wasn't sure whether she should stay here or just run back to her room and pretend none of this ever happened. Before she could make another move, however, she and Kallen exchanged glances for just a moment. Both of Kallen's eyes had the symbols of Geass evident in them. C.C. felt a cold shiver shoot up the back of her spine. Her chest felt oddly warm all of the sudden. Then, her breasts began to jiggle, faster and faster. Soon enough, they had grown to the size of overgrown melons!

"What the...? My chest...it's growing too?" C.C. was at a total loss; she was supposed to be unable to be effected by the abilities of other Geass, and yet somehow Kallen's had the power to override hers? And why the hell is the only thing Kallen's Geass can do is make boobs bigger?

Kallen winced as the perky, peach-sized nipples of her overflowing breasts finally touched the surface of the carpeted floor. Her legs could no longer carry the ginormous mass of tit flesh, and she was forced down onto her knees by gravity itself. Usually one with a sarcastic quip always at hand, C.C. could not even bring herself to speak as her breasts grew to the size of watermelons right before her very eyes. It was incredible, to say the least.

"Oooh...ahh..."

The two girls' busts continued to amplify in both weight and size, to the circumference of fully-inflated beachballs and beyond. Their orgasmic squeals and moans went by unnoticed by anyone else in the dormitories. Kallen's bare tits were filling up the hallway. Breasts pushed up against breasts. Kallen's boobs surpassed the size of a golf-cart, while C.C.'s were still catching up. It all seemed to go on forever, pleasure upon pleasure upon pleasure. Kallen saw nothing but her breasts, thought nothing but her breasts, wanted nothing but her breasts. It was like her own cleavage and the Geass bestowed upon her had placed her into a trance; an empty, zombie-like trance.

"My boobs are SOOOOOO big!" Kallen bellowed without a care in the world. Indeed, her breasts were far over the possible human limits; her tit flesh was even leaking out of wide cracks in the windows behind her. C.C. was stuck in the hall corner by both Kallen's cleavage and her own. Kallen's own desire to be of use to Zero has instead resulted in her being completely immobile, not even capable of being any possible help anymore. A tiny trickle of opaque liquid was flowing out of Kallen's swollen nipples. The same was happening to C.C., who was just starting to regain her composure.

"Oh...oh my god...what happened here...?" C.C. ran her fingers over as much of her breasts as she could reach; there was no way she could move with these things hanging off her chest. She would need a truck at the least to help her retain mobility. C.C. was not even able to locate Kallen over the bulbous mounds of boobage that laid between them.

"Kallen? Kallen? Are you...okay?" called out the lime-haired witch.

"Ugh..."

"Kallen?"

"My breasts...so round...so soft...so BIG..." Kallen's words sound slurred and lazy, as if she were heavily under the influence.

C.C. attempted to shift her body into a more comfortable position, but it was no use. Finally, the reality of the situation truly settled in, and her initial sense of worry for the other girl was replaced with a powerful rage that she usually did not show. "Kallen..WHY THE HELL DID YOUR GEASS DO THIS TO ME?"

"My breasts..."

"Kallen! C'mon, I'm talking to you!"

"...What?" Kallen momentarily snapped out of her trance.

"I knew it was a terrible idea to give you a Geass...look at what's happened to us!" C.C. screeched, "We're...we're freaks!"

"Freaks?" Kallen titled her head sideways.

"That's what I said!"

"Hmmm..."

Suddenly, Kallen, who was lying atop her blossomed bosom, had a mind-blowing epiphany. She actually LIKED being at such a size, and she wanted more of it. Tuning out the other girl, Kallen dug deep into the crevasse of her cleavage and unsheathed what appeared to be a mirror. During the growth one of the mirrors hanging on the corridor wall had fallen off and became somehow entrapped down there. No longer did Kallen care about Zero, or the rebellion, or C.C.'s wailing or even anyone or anything else...except for making her breasts become even bigger. Before, her Geass had been able to reflect back on the surface of C.C.'s eyes to affect Kallen, but she had to rely on the mirror if she was to get any larger.

As she stared back at her own reflection, the redhead could feel that marvelous, swelling sensation bubble up from inside her again. She turned the mirror slightly sideways so that her reflection would also aim down towards C.C., who unwittingly found herself caught in its hypnotic thralls. Soon, their breasts began to expand even further...


	76. Earl of Black Pudding

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

_THE EARL OF BLACK PUDDING_

"WELCOME TO...'HOW TO MAKE FLAN' 101!"

Lelouch, C.C., Suzaku, Kallen and Milly had no idea how they ended up in this situation. When they woke up early that morning, they found themselves standing in front of individual kitchen-top counters with their feet chained to the floor. None of them recalled ever moving from their beds last night, but somehow this had happened. Even worse, standing before them atop of a brightly-lit stage with his own cooking set, was Lloyd Asplund in an apron and chef's hat. Lelouch, Suzaku and Kallen were terribly frightened, while C.C. and Milly were simply annoyed.

"Now, before we begin," Lloyd stated, "Does anyone have any questions?"

Lelouch raised his hand.

"Yes, Lulu?"

"What is going on here, Lloyd? Why are we doing this?"

Lloyd was silent for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then, he slammed his palm as hard as he could onto the table. "Did you just ask me why we're doing this?" his voice was shaking.

"Uh..."

"That is what you asked me, correct? WHY'RE WE DOING THIS?"

"Y-Yes! I did!"

Lloyd snapped his fingers, and a small panel in the ceiling opened to reveal a sniper rifle, and Lelouch was shot directly in his left leg.

"OH, HOLY MOTHER OF GEASS!"

"Anymore questions?"

"OHH..OH...OH SHIT...OH CRAP! IT HURTS LIKE FRICKING HELL! YOU...YOU JUST HAD ME SHOT IN THE LEG, DIDN'T YOU, YOU GODDAMN LITTLE FUCKER?"

"No? Alright, then! Everyone, get out your ingredients from underneath the counter and we'll get started!"

"I'M CRYING! I'M CRYING! I'M CRYING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BABY! SHIT! FUCK!"

"First, you set up your oven to the necessary temperature, and then you add a bit of this and a bit of that...and then you mix it together until its become one, and add a few sprinkles of this here..."

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN GIVING REAL INSTRUCTIONS! YOU'RE JUST TOO LAZY TO LOOK IT UP THE ACTUAL RECIPE FOR FLAN BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WRONG BY ACCIDENT! FUCK, THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD POURING OUT OF MY LEG! ARGGGGGGGH!"

"Oh dear, with all this yelling, I can't teach the class at all."

"THAT'S RIGHT YOU CAN'T! GAAAAAAAAH! MY LEG IS ON FIRE, JUST LIKE MY SOUL!"

"Lenny...Carl...will you two take care of him for me? I'm starting to get a headache because he won't be quiet."

"LENNY? CARL? THE FUCK KIND OF NAMES ARE THOSE? THEY'RE FROM THE SIMPSONS, RIGHT? WAIT A MINUTE, WHY ARE THOSE TWO BIG HAIRY GUYS WEARING ONLY TROUSERS COMING TOWARDS ME? OH GOD...OH GOD! THEY'RE LENNY AND CARL, AREN'T THEY? AREN'T THEY? FUUUUUUUU-"

"Everyone, it's time to have the Flan bake...or cook...or whatever. I don't really care."

"SEE? YOU JUST ADMITTED YOU DON'T CARE! AND...AND...HOLY SHIT, WHY IS LENNY STANDING BEHIND ME, AND WHY DO I FEEL SOMETHING HARD AND LONG GOING INSIDE MY ANUS?"

Kallen raised her hand.

Lloyd pointed at her with his middle finger. "Yes, Kallen?"

"Can I...can I go home? Please? I don't like Flan and seeing the boy I like being raped by two men is both turning me on and making me queasy."

"Of course you may leave. Feel better soon."

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK?" Lelouch screeched, "SHE CAN GO HOME JUST BY ASKING AND YET I GET SHOT AND RAPED BY SOME WOOKIE-MAN? GODDAMN YOU ALL TO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL!"

And thus, Lloyd's first class was a success.


	77. The Big Ass Problem

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Big butts are pretty common in this series, but since I'm secretly a pervert like all people, I've decided to just amplify it.

* * *

One morning at Ashford Academy...

Kallen Stadtfeld was starting to get a bit worried. None of her panties seemed to fit her as well as they used to. No matter how hard she tugged on them, even to the point where the fabric started to tear, her underwear hardly ever made it past her mid-thigh. The largest pair she had felt more like a thong as it clung tightly to her creamy-white bottom, burying itself deep into the thin crevasse betwixt her butt-cheeks. It frustrated the redhead as she attempted to pull it out, so in the end she had little choice but to remove those panties altogether. With a grunt she tossed them carelessly over her shoulder and onto the ever-growing pile of underwear behind her. She certainly couldn't so much as leave her room without underwear, but her choices of lingerie were dropping fast. Oddly enough, it only seemed like her panties were giving her trouble; while her breasts were large, she was still able to obtain comfortable cup sizes for them.

Sighing, the young woman turned slightly sideways and stared at her reflection in her closet mirror. Her mouth fell agape in utter shock; her ass was huge. Well, she had always been aware that she was a bit more 'gifted' in the booty department than most girls her age and weight, but she couldn't deny now that her bum had seriously ballooned since the last time she seriously looked at it. It was even bigger than her breasts!

The two bloated spheres of skin and fat stuck out a foot and a half behind her, like a spare shelf. She slowly brought a reluctant hand upon her left cheek and squeezed it. The color drained for her face when she realized bulging flesh was peeking out from the spaces between her lithe fingers. She ran another hand over the vast expanse of her full ass and palpated the soft, pillowy curve it formed. There wasn't a single dimple to be found, and her thighs were also wider to accommodate her butt. After this quick examination of her posterior, she released it from her grip, prompting the cheeks to flap with wild abandon. Her butt eventually ceased its jiggling motions about ten seconds later.

Kallen was less distressed than when she first made the discovery of her enlarged bum, but she still could not comprehend what could have caused this to happen. This did help explain a few past occurrences in her life to her however. 'Is this the reason why so many guys have been staring at me lately? Why those bitches in the tennis club were laughing? Is this why my mom was so anxious about me getting more exercise? It's all because my butt got big and I never even noticed? What the hell! They should have just told me in the first place...but how did I end up like this?'

Kallen sat herself down onto the edge of her bed, her massive buttocks trembling all the while, and she thought back over the previous couple of months. A while back, she had been placed on standby under Zero's orders until the point where her abilities as a mecha pilot would be needed again by the rebellion. So far she hadn't received a single mission since then, and she didn't even bother exercising. She spent the majority of her time going to classes, sleeping in, and eating lots and lots of pizza with C.C..

Suddenly, it came to her. 'It was C.C. and all of that pizza! I need to go talk to her right now and give her a piece of my mind!'

Quickly throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, the big-bottom girl darted out of her room and down the hall. She paid no mind to the uncontrollable trembling of her ass as she ran or to the many passerby who stopped and stared in either amazement or disgust. It was all terribly embarrassing, but right now it was the least of her worries. While she knew deep down it was her own fault for eating so much pizza, she couldn't help but want to place all the blame on C.C., since it was her who ordered the food in the first place. Kallen wanted something proper to let loose her rage on, and because C.C. was an immortal witch, she would have to do.

"C.C., you-"

Kallen kicked open C.C.'s door, fully prepared to scream at the lime-haired woman, but instead she saw a pair of massive ass-cheeks contained within a white strait-jacket wiggling in her face. She looked over the bulbous booty to see poor C.C. struggling to stand up despite it. Her butt was so big it actually prevented her from being able to move properly. The girl was actually weeping into her cleavage, which had also swollen out.

"I...I can't move...all that pizza made me so fat..." C.C. whimpered.

"Uh...I'll come back later..." Kallen walked out and closed the door behind her.


	78. Lamenting On The Position of Protagonist

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: After not doing anything Geass-related for a long time, I realized just how bizarre some of the non-Japanese names are...in any case, Lelouch is brooding this time.

* * *

"...Nothing has happened for us in a long time, have you noticed that?"

"Yeah."

"I'm a bit worried by all of this."

"Me too."

"I feel like an old man, Suzaku. A useless old man."

"How so?"

"It's been a while since Code Geass ended, and even with the new spin-off starting, I'm not in it. I'm no longer a part of the Geass world; I've been shunned from my place as main character."

"Oh don't say that."

"But it's true, and you know it."

"You're still popular, Lelouch-"

"That's bullshit. You know alot of people have mixed feelings about the way I did things. I was trying to free a country, but at the same time I was a psychotic murderer. I'm a bad person, Suzaku. I've even been compared to some bastard named Light Yagami who apparently went through a similar situation as myself, only more talking and less giant robots to actually keep people interested."

"Lelouch..."

"I miss being the main character, Suzaku. I really do. I loved being the center of attention more than anything. I know it's selfish of me to say that, but it's just how I feel. I want to be...I want to be a necessary part of the story again..."

"I wish I could help you, buddy."

"Nothing can help me now, Suzaku, nothing but a barrel full of whiskey and some advil..."

"Drinking won't solve your problems."

"Oh, but they will!"

"Yeah? How?"

"I have a STD that I contracted from Kallen recently that requires me to drink alcohol every day."

"Damn...wait a minute, you just lied, didn't you? Kallen became a carpet-muncher after you died!"

"Ha ha, you got me."

"Lelouch...you are truly one of a kind."

"Thanks. You know, we should do a Evangelion parody next. I'm a master at making crazy faces and having deep psychological problems."

"Sounds like a plan, yo."

"As long as I have you with me, then I think I might be okay, Suzaku..."

"Wow, man...that was GAY."

"Shirley isn't the only one who loves the cock...bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Holy crap."


	79. Picklechu and Chinachu

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: I've been bored lately. And I ended up learning about Chris-Chan. It certainly made me feel better about myself, that's for sure. It probably won't make as much sense unless you actually look up about it, although it can be disturbing that such a failure exists. Sorry the chapters keep being short like this.

* * *

It had been five days, three hours, 15 minutes, and 39 seconds since Lelouch Lamperouge had last left his filthy, cluttered room. The poor man had been like this ever since he suffered a hard blow to the head. The room was filled almost to the ceiling with anime DVDs, pornography, video games, blow-up dolls that looked like his sister, and a multitude of various merchandise aimed towards children between 5 and 12. Some of the more prominent franchises were Sonic, Pokemon, My Little Pony and Transformers.

Lelouch hadn't changed out of his hideous horizontally-stripped shirt or his DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS for that same amount of time either. No one had dared venture into his grotesque lair; not Suzaku, not Kallen, not Nunnally, not even Rivalz when threatened at sword-point by his girlfriend Cornelia. The vile room itself could be compared to a 'hell on earth', as it were.

With crayola magic markers and a sheet of lined paper at hand, Lelouch was hard at work at drawing up his latest masterpiece. He had been inspired after watching episodes of Sonic The Hedgehog and Pokemon back-to-back to create a totally ZAPPIN' and totally ORIGINAL character of his own. For some reason, he desired to obtain himself a boyfriend-free girl that he could love and trust, despite the fact that he had a multitude of sexy young women practically dying to suck his cock already. His refusal to even take a shower now was causing him to take on a rancid smell, and his hair was slick with grease. Lelouch would sometimes take several long breaks to play Little Big Planet at a time while drawing although he constantly acted like he was dedicated to his foolish goal.

'I will become Internet famous! I must! Girls love popular guys, right? I deserve a boyfriend-free girl, I tell you what!'

Finally, after ten grueling hours of coloring and drawing, Lelouch was finished. The main character designs were officially complete. He held the sheet of paper high over his head and let loose a triumphant laugh. Ironically, they were just a green-colored Sonic with ears and an even sluttier version of Amy Rose. Apparently he didn't understand copyright as much as he should.

"This is it! It's perfect! I shall dub them...Picklechu and Chinachu! Nintendo and Sega will definitely be begging me to let them make video-games of my characters soon!" He smiled broadly to reveal his dirty fangs.

Instead of uploading his creations onto the world-wide web for all to see right away, Lelouch chose to spend the remainder of his day making a medallion out of play-doh to resemble Picklechu's face, and to hang out around Ashford Academy while waiting for a pretty girl to talk to him. He didn't like to put much effort into the things that mattered most to him. Inspiration was a fickle thing and nobody had the right to rush him to do things he found to be difficult. Whatever he wanted, he deserved it at some point or another.

After all, he was a 'perfect' human being, and he expected to be treated as such.


	80. The Unexpected Plot Twist

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

Lelouch Lamperouge was in a very good mood. The reason for this was because his recent submission to the local radio's 'angst-ridden stories of the morning' had been played on the air. Since he was so pleased with himself, he decided to act like a kind big brother and take his sister out of the closet for the day and roll her around campus in her wheelchair. He wanted to show her all of the beautiful sights and sounds that the Ashford Academy had to offer. However, both due to his stupidity and his egotism, Lelouch forgot something very important regarding his sister.

"Brother...why do you keep pointing out the scenery? You know that I am unable to see anything, don't you?" Nunnally remarked after Lelouch had spoken in illustrative detail about how the female swimming team looked in their uniforms.

Lelouch rolled his eyes, snapping, "Oh, be quiet, Nunnally! There's no need to be so negative all the time! Stop trying to put me down!"

"B-But...but I'm not-"

"Shut up!"

Nunnally frowned, a single tear rolling over the curve of her pale cheek. The brother and sister duo went a little further along the path before they were suddenly confronted by Suzaku, Milly, Shirley and Kallen.

'Hmm...I think having so many women around me is doing bad for my image as either a pimp or a faggot; maybe I need more male friends...' Lelouch pondered. 'The orange guy might do well as a lackey or something, but he's not even in school anymore...damn it all! Having male friends probably wouldn't help either when it comes to the fanbase. The fact that I still get paired up with Suzaku more than anyone despite having a canon harem of sorts shows just how screwed the logic is of overzealous fangirls! I am stuck in a perpetual cycle of gayness...'

"Uh, Lelouch? Why are you staring at Suzaku's crotch so hungrily?" Milly suddenly interjected, freeing Lelouch from his lengthy inner-monologue.

'Dammit! I looked down there without realizing it!'

"Anyway, what's up? This is your little sister Nunnally, isn't it? You know, I don't think I've ever seen her out in daylight before..." Milly knelt down in front of the smaller, wheelchair-bound girl, studying her with her eyes. Nunnally had no idea what was going on, but she felt uncomfortable nonetheless. She actually wanted to go back into the closet with Sayoko instead of being out here.

"She doesn't look a thing like you!" exclaimed Kallen in surprise.

"Yeah, well...I like to think that it was expected," Lelouch shrugged, "My dad has a bunch of generic wives, and there tends to be a good bit of inbreeding involved with our lineage too, so it was inevitable that something like this was eventually going to happen. There's no stopping genetics, ya know."

"...I see..."

Suzaku and Shirley, who had nothing important to say just yet, remained silent.

Suddenly, without warning Milly reached out and placed a hand upon Nunnally's chest. "Damn, she's a flat-chested little bitch, ain't she?" Milly ran her hand up and down, side to side. This was definitely sexual harassment she was committing. Sometimes, she was even worse than Nina.

"S-S-Stop that right now!" Lelouch shouted, his face pale and his eyes practically bugging out of their sockets. Nunnally started to whimper.

"What? Why?"

"Because...that flat chest of hers doesn't belong to you..."

"Eh?"

"You shouldn't touch someone else's property without asking!"

"Uh...can you just explain to me what you mean in a way that actually makes sense?"

Kallen glanced up, and she saw a figure plummeting from the sky, the sunlight shining off of its back. "Ah! What the hell is that?" As the figure drew closer, it soon became apparent that it was a grown woman in a maid's uniform. Milly had started to remove Nunnally's dress when a kunai from above became embedded into her hand. Screaming, Milly fell backwards, blood gushing from the wound on her hand. The blonde struggled to remove the weapon from her hand, but it was too deep.

"That delicious flat chest...BELONGS TO ME, AND ME ALONE!" Sayoko Shinozaki, Nunnally's personal bodyguard and a maid of the Lamperouge family, landed before the bewildered teenagers. Kallen opened her mouth to let out a shriek, but she was immediately silenced with a swift punch to the throat by Sayoko. Lelouch nearly pissed himself in terror.

Recognizing her guardian and secret lover's voice, Nunnally finally felt like there was hope for her yet. "S-Sayoko! You came to save me!"

Sayoko, however, was too preoccupied with chastising the blonde to respond to what Nunnally had said. "Listen here, you dumb slut! Nobody gives a damn if you play around with your friends' boobs from time to time, since it's just pointless fan service! But when you place your filthy little hands on Nunnally, then some people are gonna get angry, namely, me!"

"I'm...I'm sorry..."

"What was that? Say it again, bitch!"

"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I-I won't do it again! Now please take this...this thing out of my h-hand! It hurts...!"

"I'm glad you finally understand!" Sayoko kicked Milly in the face, knocking her out. She then made her way over to Lelouch and Nunnally. After witnessing the violent acts performed on his two friends, Lelouch simply backed away without a fight.

"Sayoko...thank you..." Nunnally whispered with upmost sincerity.

"It's my duty...and my pleasure," Sayoko whispered back. Lelouch cringed.

Sayoko scooped the blind girl into her arms, lifted the wheelchair over her shoulder, and then flew off into the sky. It was a slow ascension at first, but as Sayoko gradually picked up speed, she went further and further away from sight, and soon she couldn't be seen at all. The only remaining evidence of them being in person before was the lingering residue of the stench of rocket fuel in the air. Kallen and Milly were lying on the ground, twitching violently from the pain they had suffered.

Poor Lelouch didn't know how to properly react to this insanity. So, he decided to see how Suzaku and Shirley were dealing with it.

"Uh...so, what do you guys think about this-"

Lelouch gasped; Suzaku and Shirley had been replaced with Bert and Ernie at some point during the confrontation with Sayoko. Not only that, but Bert had just revealed that he didn't like Ernie the same way that Ernie liked him.

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD...! It's a plot twist!"


End file.
